Finally let’s get this straight/ These expressions are out-of-date

“Humor” Post #129 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping Middle School blogger –

You’re reading this so you probably know I like to write. Usually I try to be funny. But today’s post is about a few expressions I hear pretty often and I can’t figure out why they’re still used. I’m not going to do my usual thing and call them stupid. Let’s just call them “out-of-date” and say they should be retired. So here they are:

1. DIAL A NUMBER:  I don’t think anyone’s dialed a number in what — 10 or 20 years? I know I never have. A lot of kids don’t even know what a phone with a dial looks like (unless they watch old movies). But what word should replace it? Should we “press a number,” “punch a number,” “hit a number”? You got me. I know in Spanish it’s something like “oprime” because the computerized voice on a phone says, “Oprime dos.” But I don’t think “oprime” will be a big hit with most people.

2. To TAPE something or “LET’S LOOK AT THE TAPE.”:  I just heard Dr. Phil say that second expression on his show the other day. Or people will talk about “taping a conversation.” But there isn’t any tape involved anymore, is there? That was when people actually had “tape recorders,” not “digital voice recorders” or DVD players. So what’s the new term going to be? Obviously Dr. Phil can say, “Let’s look at the video.” Maybe I’ll have to get in touch with him about that. I’m sure he’d take my call. (Joke.)

3. My grandfather still uses the expression “BOOB TUBE” for the TV. That means it’s for dumb people. Okay, that’s fine, but TVs haven’t had any tubes in them for a bunch of years. Yes, I know if you have an ancient computer screen that weighs maybe forty pounds or a giant TV that weighs over 100 pounds, those probably have picture tubes in them. But any flat screen doesn’t work by tubes, does it? But “BOOB LED” doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it? So let’s say Adios to “boob tube.”

4. LIKE A BROKEN RECORD:  That means something keeps getting repeated the way an old scratched record would get stuck on the same note. But almost no one has records anymore. (And yes, I know Justin Timberlake has a vinyl version of his latest CD.) But why hasn’t that expression been replaced by “like a scratched CD”? I’ve heard CDs repeat a note over and over till it drives you nuts. Just the other day, I had one stick on the word “what.” It went “wha-wha-wha-wha-wha” for about 20 seconds till I could take out the CD and clean it. Luckily that worked or I might have gone batty. I’m just saying that old expression should go the way of the dinosaurs: extinct.

Here’s something I just thought of. I wonder how long it’ll be before CDs disappear. Oh, I know they won’t totally disappear, but already nobody carries around CDs anymore, do they? They’ll become like records. And record stores.

5. Speaking of music, why do they still call new releases “ALBUMS”? There haven’t been any albums for like 70 years or more. It took me forever to find a decent picture of one. Finally I got this photo at of a 4-record-album by Eddy Duchin, who made music in the 1930s. See all the records in there. (I had to look him up at Wikipedia ’cause I’d never heard of him.)

A real record album
This is what a real record album looks like.

Back then, they could only fit about 5 or 10 minutes of music on each side of a record. So they had to have albums that looked like photo albums to hold all the records you needed for something that fits on a CD or a thumb drive now.

Anyway, that’s all I got for today. I guess it’s not any kind of humor post, but I hope it got you thinking.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude
(who must not be in the happiest mood),
Dr. Crankenfuss

Is it Xbox One or PlayStation 4? Which one should I ask for?

Humor Post #128 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping Middle School blogger –

Today I’m going to tell you a story. It’s how I tried to get either an Xbox One or a PlayStation 4. They both seem kind of awesome so I’d be satisfied with either one. Maybe my mom will go along, I thought. After all, I AM her only son. And it IS holiday time. Wouldn’t a mom want to please her only son?

What happened is detailed below. In all its gory details.

by Dr. Crankenfuss

In case you haven’t noticed
There’s a world wide war
It’s the forces of the Xbox
Vs. PS 4

It’s hard to stay cool
Or reach your gaming goals
When all you got goin’
Is an old console

You can’t miss those ads
They’re on all the sports
Makes me kinda feel like
My life is falling short

Don’t wanna be out the loop
Don’t wanna be out of touch
But why’d they have to make
Those darned things cost so much?

I told my mom I love her
But I’d love her even more.
If she would just shell out
For a PlayStation 4

She didn’t appreciate my comments
So I promised to sacrifice
“I won’t complain anymore,” I said.
“I promise to be nice.”

That made her start to laugh so hard
She held her sides in pain
I knew my case was hopeless
I didn’t ask again

But I learned a valuable lesson
Don’t talk too much smack
Don’t make promises you can’t keep
You’ll give your mom a heart attack

I decided I shouldn’t be greedy
And not ask for too much
I’ll just concentrate on moving up levels
In the free app — Candy Crush

From Your Dude with the Selfish ‘Tude (who learned his lesson),
Dr. Crankenfuss