Vitamins and soaps are only for dopes/ But don’t go too far in raising your hopes

Humor Post #130 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger –

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE FROM DR. CRANKENFUSS! I hope your year will be way less cranky than mine. Why would a first class party pooper say that? First off, I don’t want too many clones out there or else I won’t be so unique. Second off, crankiness really isn’t that much fun (though it IS necessary at times) so I hope you’re happy most of the time and that good things happen to you. But don’t forget to check in to this blog so you’ll see why YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN ANGRY OR ANNOYED at the bad doings out there.

See, that’s my job, you know. Well, actually I have 3 jobs. #1 is to make you mad at things that suck lemons, things that are like spinach between your teeth, things that should go back to the sewer they came from.

#2 is to give props to some people or things that really deserve them (besides me, of course).

And #3 is to make you laugh or at least smile.

So today I’m commenting about big news that came out a few weeks ago. I kind of said it in the title but here’s a headline I found from Morning Joe, and he has his own TV show  and that means it must be important, right? And after that, I wrote a poem about the issue.


Avoid vitamins and some soapsTHE ECSTASY AND THE AGONY
by Dr. Crankenfuss

A victory for us!
Kids, stay strong!
Adults once again
Have been proven wrong.

All I can say
Is thanks and amen.
I’ll never have to take
Another vitamin.

Docs say they don’t
Do anything
‘Cept make some stores’
Cash registers ring.

And that’s not all.
This is so dope!
There’s 3 strikes against
Anti-bacterial soap.

I wonder what’s next.
Nobody knows.
They’ll probably conclude
We don’t need clothes.

After that nutritionists
Will probably teach ya’
Nature’s perfect food
Is pepperoni pizza.

The world will be different:
We’ll all be nude,
We’ll never take baths,
But we’ll eat great food.

Sounds good so far
With lots of drama,
That is until
I see my naked mama!

It’ll be out of control!
Maybe we should begin
To take another look
At soap and vitamins.


Not too shabby, eh?
And on top of that — well, underneath that really — there’s even some big news I have!
Within a few days, my first book will be published:
More on that real soon.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss