I was watching the game the other night. NBA playoffs, of course. And they ran this ad from Joseph A. Bank. It’s a place we all see at malls. Seems like a nice enough store. And they had this ad — I’ll make this short — that said if you buy one suit from them, they’ll give you three more for FREE.
Huh?? Now I know these deals always say the other three suits can’t cost more than the first suit. So I spend — which I’d never do, of course, since why would I need four suits? Look at my picture and you’ll see why I say that — say, $250 for a suit and they give me three others for that same $250.
How can anyone stay in business doing deals like this? I never see car ads — and I see lots of them with not-so-bright types jumping around and acting silly — where they offer $500 or a thousand off or they say they have the best deal around, but I’ve never heard one single car dealer say, “Hey, all you dudes, if you buy one car from me, I’ll give you three more for free.” Nope, not one time. And I don’t see that kind of offer for houses either.
So what gives, Joseph A. Bank?
1) Either you are the most generous people that I’ve ever heard of, or
2) The other three suits are swimsuits, or
3) The other three suits are made of moth wings or fly spit (or some similarly cheap material), or
4) Anybody who buys four suits would probably buy a bunch of shirts and ties and socks and shoes and shoelaces and shoe polish and cufflinks and whatever else I’m leaving out and that would make up some of the difference, or
5) The suits cost you so little, say $50 each because they’re made by very poorly paid workers in Asia, that you can afford to give them away at four for $250. That would leave you at least a bit of profit. But hey, that’s still very little winnings, so the suits must cost maybe $35 or $40 to make, or
6) Since I’ve never really been inside a Joseph A. Bank, one suit could cost over $1000 and my reasoning from #4 is right, it’s just that the suits cost like $150 each to make.
So which is it, Mr. Joseph A. Bank? Or does anyone else know how they do it?
From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,