Today I have a poem for you. Some of you will probably be offended by it. Hey, I’m used to that. Lots of stuff I say gives people a headache. I exaggerated the title, of course, to get your attention. I don’t really think that way. (I gotta keep up this cranky image, you know.) But give this a good look and see if you don’t agree with the conclusion (even if you don’t want to admit it). Also, feel free to send your response to that survey at the end. Many thanks.
by Dr. Crankenfuss
I know this poem’s gonna make people hate on me,
Especially mamas showin’ off their babes to me.
They think cause it’s theirs, the kid’s somehow magical,
But to think they’re all cute is just not logical.
I know this next fact will cause parental damage,
But by definition, folks, half your kids are below average.
It must be a girl thing, fussing over babies,
And I know life’s a miracle. Hey, I’m not crazy!
But I suspect lots of people are only being dutiful
When they see a newborn and coo, “Oh, she’s so beautiful.”
Cause I’ve seen lots of babies and with some you can be smitten,
But few can compare to your average little kitten.
We’re supposed to be life’s highest form
But we don’t look so good soon after we’re born.
Compared to prancing puppies and hopping haby goats,
If I’m surfin’ through YouTube, I know which way I vote.
It’s a Roomba riding kitty,
A bear cub on a bike,
A doggie on a surfboard.
Little critters? What’s not to like?
So when it comes to babies,
Humans have a ways to go.
Compared to other species,
We fall a bit below.
I’ll give you a good example
And then you’ll plainly see:
I was an ugly baby
And now look at me!
Now, how about giving me your opinion? Who has the cutest babies: humans, dogs, cats, goats, meercats, dolphins, something else? You decide. By the way, to show I’m not totally anti-human, check out that one-year-old boy playing the drums on YouTube. I’m not kidding. It’s unbelievable! It doesn’t get much better than that!
From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,