Okay, the other day I wrote a post about how “outdated” the idea of saying “Bless you” might be nowadays. I also promised you a possible poem about the subject. So I finally got my scrawny butt around to writing that poem.
Better late than ever, I say.
And yeah, I know you might say, “Better never than ever,” but I’m not talking to you, bub, so there!
(‘CAUSE YOU MAY BE RUNNING OUT OF THEM)
by Dr. Crankenfuss
It never, ever fails,
Someone says, “Bless you”
Like they’re coming to my rescue
To save me from some demon
That I don’t believe in.
There ain’t no devils in me,
My heart’s fine, so chill.
To invoke religion for such small stuff
Seems like overkill.
Yeah, it makes me feel real good
To know that I am blessed,
But wouldn’t that wish be better
Before I took a test,
Or had a pain — like in my chest —
Before a cardiac arrest?
Instead of worrying about me
If I have a little sneeze,
How about blessing yourselves
If I just cut the cheese,
Or if I am fixing your dinner,
Or in similar emergencies?
What happens when I cough?
Or when I stub my toe?
And I’m sure I don’t earn a blessing
If I have an itchy tuchus.
So all I’m really saying is
Blessings are like freedom.
I think I’d rather stock them up
For when I really need ’em.
So bless me when I’m in grave danger —
Like when I have a bad disease.
Don’t use up God’s precious energy
Just for a little sneeze.