I don’t think Nature has ever produced
A being as noble as a moose.
—-A Very Famous Poet
In case you haven’t figured it out yet, this is a page about moose. We are here to praise moose, to educate you about moose, and to encourage you to spread the word about moose.
Why is this necessary? Well, in a recent United Nations survey, millions of people responded to the following question:
What do you value most in life among the following four choices —
The results might astound you. Pizza was picked by 46% of the respondents. Chocolate came in second with 32%. Freedom was third with 22%. And Moose finished a pitiful fourth with 0%!!
Huh? 0%?? The results of this survey scream out for a page like this one: THE MOOSES PAGE will allow you to see moose in their proper perspecitve, just like the following Nobel-prize-winning scientist came to see them.
People are always asking me the secret to the Universe. I think I can best summarize my answer in one word: MOOSE.
Albert Einstein, Incredibly Renowned Scientist
(from The Autobiography of Albert Einstein)
First let’s give you a quick rundown of some astounding facts that you probably don’t know about moose. After that we’ll show you how you can find out even more about our wonderful wooly brethren.
Moose start off kind of small, maybe 30 pounds soaking wet. (That’s where diapers help.) But within a few days they are able to outrun a human!! Bet you didn’t know that, did you? And you think you can put away food, say, at Thanksgiving? A young moose can grow up to four pounds a day!
When moose are full-grown, they can outrun a horse! That’s why you’ll never see a moose in the Kentucky Derby. All those rich horse owners and trainers would be totally humiliated. And it’s also lucky for us humans that they don’t allow moose into the Olympics. They’d win so fast it would make your head spin.
Haven’t you ever even once asked, “Why is it they never have moose on pro basketball teams?” At around seven feet tall and close to 1200 pounds, we think moose would be pretty hard to score on in the paint, don’t you? And think about a moose fast break. Human players would be thrown around like little feathers. Hey, LeBron James would under his bench hiding from the Mooses Basketball Team! The Mooses would be posterizing Kevin Durant and they’d turn Stephan Curry into real curry after stomping his scrawny little heiny.
And let’s not forget hockey. After all, hockey is Mooses’ favorite sport since they live in the far north, like in Canada and Sweden and Russia, where hockey are like the national sports. Here’s a magazine cover you may have missed. But we’re not surprised, seeing as how underappreciated moose seem to be in the sports world Think about it — moose practically LIVE on the ice in winter. Hockey would hardly be a stretch at all.
Hey, we’re not done yet. You know how a lot of you out there think vegans are wusses ’cause they don’t chow down on red meat and they don’t like the taste of blood. Well, you be WRONG! Moose don’t eat any kind of meat. They mostly graze on ferns and such delicacies as swamp scum, but don’t you think that makes them less able to defend themselves. Hey, just ask any bear or wolf. Bro, a moose’ll tear up anybody who tries to tangle with him (or her). It’s their sharp hooves and their martial arts mastery that makes them way high up in Nature’s fighting chain.
Okay, you probably think — Enough already. We agree that moose are probably more strong and brave than we gave them credit for, there are other pretty tough animals out there. What can moose do than NO OTHER ANIMAL can do? Oh, we are so glad you asked that question. Why? Because it’s so easy to answer. Moose, besides all their other better-than-you-ll-ever-be traits, possess amazingly acute senses of humor. How else do you explain what’s in the picture below?
Yep, moose are great at telling (and illustrating) Moose Jokes. They already have two out so far with more to come. You can check out a bunch of their jokes for free at the links below. If you like them, buy a book or two. They don’t cost much and you could be the one to really get the word out. Moose’ll love you for it and as you may have figured out already, they’re good to have in your corner. And thank you for visiting the MOOSES PAGE.
THE CLASSIC BOOK OF MOOSE JOKES FOR ADULTS
(More sophisticated and adult moose humor that many kids won’t understand.
Then again, some grown-ups don’t get them either.
Hey, you gotta be sophisticated to keep up with MOOSE!)
Find it at Amazon,
or Barnes & Noble.
And always be aware, be very aware that:
THE MOOSE ARE LOOSE!