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You think you know Sixth Grade Vocabulary? Try these onerous examples.

Post #163 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping middle school blogger–

Yo, peeps, I just wanted to put this out there. Thought you might be interested in trying the vocabulary test I had last week. Hey, it’s only sixth grade stuff. Certainly you can handle that, can’t you? You can add them in to your conversations with your family at dinner time or… well, just let me give you an example of how smart you can sound if you increase your vocabulary. “Hey, Mom, I got an A on my ERUCTATION test in Health Class,” you say. Wouldn’t a typical mom praise her young brainchild for this performance? Not if she found out that ERUCATION means BELCHING! (Actually that word WASN’T on our test. I just like it.)

Anyway here are 8 words from our test. You think you can outdo me? I doubt it. But then again, we had the words to study ahead of time.  But no matter what, your vocabulary is going get a real boost today!

Oh, yeah! That ONEROUS in the title means TROUBLESOME.

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DR. CRANKENFUSS’S SIXTH GRADE VOCABULARY TEST

1. “When it comes to homework, I’m lackadaisical.”
A. not dazed
B. very efficient
C. kind of lazy
D. someone who doesn’t have any daisies

2. “Am I going to win this boxing match? I don’t know but I sure am  feckless.”
A. incompetent
B. showing no fear
C. having not even one feck
D. skilled at fighting

3. “I got into a fight today at school. Afterwards I was unabashed.”
A. not able to stand up
B. not in good shape
C. not beat up
D. not embarrassed

4. “I’m not sure how I’m going to do on this test. I do have collywobbles.”
A. the answers to the questions
B. stomach cramps
C. a strong feeling of confidence
D. difficulty walking

5. “I want to eat more, but I can’t finish this food. It’s too piquant.”
A. spicy
B. bad-tasting
C. delicious
D. salty

6. “Hey, buddy, how about sticking this piece of pie in your piehole.”
A. a pie pan
B. mouth
C. a nasty word that basically means “ where the sun don’t shine”
D. pocket

7. “I have to admit that my best friend is a knave.”
A. a very smart person
B. a coward
C. a rascal or trickster
D. someone who tries to pick up girls

8. “At a British soccer match, you’ll usually find hooligans.”
A. soccer players
B. a kind of sausage sold at stadiums
C. fans of sports
D. thugs

 

________________________________________________

ANSWERS


1. C – lackadaisical = kind of lazy
2. A – feckless = incompetent, ineffective
3. D – unabashed = not embarrassed
4. B – collywobbles = stomach cramps (or fear)
5. A – piquant = spicy
6. B – piehole = mouth
7. C – knave = a rascal or trickster
8. D – hooligans = thugs

So how’d you do? If you got five or more right, that’s pretty good actually. These are pretty tricky and you didn’t get to study them ahead of time.

Well, that’s all I got for today. Have a great Christmas vacation.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

You want to create some world-class flack? Wear a cockroach on your back.

Post #160 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping middle school blogger–

Yo, do I have something for you today! Are you the type — like I am — who craves attention, you know like you want people to notice you? Yeah, before I get some girl to like me, first I gotta get her to look at me, right? Well, I found this obviously designed-by-a-genius backpack that will get you all the attention you want. And then some. Of course, it may make a few people not want to be around you, but that’s the chance you take when you get all famous. I mean, everyone who’s famous has a lot of haters out there. Don’t worry about them. Just wear this thing around school or around the mall and watch people’s reaction to you.

I found this picture at dangerousminds.conm. Yeah, it looks dangerous and scary and cool and awesome at the same time.
I found this picture at dangerousminds.conm. Yeah, it looks dangerous and scary and cool and awesome at the same time.

Check out this bad boy at the left. Who’s not going to have their eyes “bug out” when they see this? And it actually works as a backpack. You get to put your books right in the middle of a cockroach’s guts. How awesome is that? Just think how many girls will come up to you and want to walk by your side as you strut down the hall to your goldfish breeding class (or whatever class you might be going to). Many will probably want to pet your “friend” and put their hands inside him. Teachers might even ban you from class and you then you can sue them for infringing on your first amendment rights — that’s freedom of speech for any of you out there behind in your constitutional law — and then you might get on TV because of your strong stand for student rights and from there you might end up with your own TV show and be like Judge Judy, deciding who’s right and wrong in cases where students sue each other or their schools.

And yes, like I said, some people might get grossed out by this beautiful work of art. So what? They’re still paying attention to you. And there will be some — girls included — who think you’re pretty cool for daring to wear such a unique fashion statement. Aren’t those the type of friends you want?

From a guy who’s waiting for his order to come,
From a guy who’s waiting for his place in the sun,
Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

It’s easier to read Spanish than it is to read Shakespeare! Here’s the proof.

Post #157 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

Okay, our English class in in the middle of reading HAMLET. It’s by William Shakespeare, of course, and our teacher says HAMLET is generally considered to be the greatest work of literature in the English language.

Say wha-a-a-a-!!

Shouldn’t the greatest work of literature at least be understandable? And I’m not talking about for kids like me; I’m talking about for adults. I’ll show you what I’m talking about in a minute. Get your brain ready for some torture. In the meantime, I’ve written this little story for you. It will look kind of foreign, but do your best to figure out its main storyline.

Here it is. Don’t give up. Give it a couple of minutes.

Un elefante es un animal interesante y differente. Es fabuloso, pero LOCO. Un elefante conduce su carro como un maníaco, rápido y furioso. Pero este elefante es estúpido. Sufre un accidente, un accidente terrible. El carro es destruido, pero el elefante está bien. ¡Qué afortunado es este elefante!

Yes, I know it’s in a foreign language. It’s Spanish! But I bet you can still understand most of it even though IT’S NOT IN ENGLISH! If I tell you that the word “pero” means “but,” you might get almost every bit of it.

Here’s the exact translation:
An elephant is an interesting and different animal. It is fabulous, but CRAZY. An elephant is driving his car like a maniac, fast and furious. But this elephant is stupid. He suffers an accident, a terrible accident. The car is destroyed, but the elephant is okay. How fortunate is this elephant!

How’d you do? Pretty well, I bet, and remember you’re reading it in SPANISH.

Now try this passage from HAMLET. (It’s much longer, but hey it’s in ENGLISH – right? — so it shouldn’t be that bad. I’ll give you the setup: Hamlet has been kind of flirting with Ophelia, so here’s his advice to her. See how much you can figure out about what he’s saying. And please don’t give up. Remember, it IS in English!

For nature, crescent, does not grow alone
In thews and bulk, but, as this temple waxes,
The inward service of the mind and soul
Grows wide withal. Perhaps he loves you now,
And now no soil nor cautel doth besmirch
The virtue of his will, but you must fear.
His greatness weighed, his will is not his own,
For he himself is subject to his birth.
He may not, as unvalued persons do,
Carve for himself, for on his choice depends
The safety and health of this whole state.
And therefore must his choice be circumscribed
Unto the voice and yielding of that body
Whereof he is the head…

(If this isn’t enough for you, Laertes explains himself further, 20 more lines worth, with quite easily understood language like this:)

…Then if he says he loves you,
It fits your wisdom so far to believe it
As he in his particular act and place
May give his saying deed, which is no further
Than the main voice of Denmark goes withal.
Then weigh what loss your honor may sustain
If with too credent ear you list his songs,
Or lose your heart, or your chaste treasure open
To his unmastered importunity.
Fear it, Ophelia. Fear it, my dear sister,
And keep you in the rear of your affection,
Out of the shot and danger of desire.
The chariest maid is prodigal enough
If she unmask her beauty to the moon.
Virtue itself ’scapes not calumnious strokes.
The canker galls the infants of the spring
Too oft before their buttons be disclosed.
And in the morn and liquid dew of youth,
Contagious blastments are most imminent.
Be wary, then. Best safety lies in fear.
Youth to itself rebels, though none else near.

So???? How much of that did you get? I’ll give you the essential summary:
MAYBE HE LOVES YOU NOW, BUT BE CAREFUL, OPHELIA.

That’s about the sum of it. And yes, our teacher told us that “his will is not his own” means he’s going to be the King of Denmark so whatever decision he makes will affect the whole country, and a bunch of other stuff, but I didn’t get any of her extra explanations from reading it, only from her telling us. And even now, I can’t really explain like 80 or 90% of it.

Honestly, how much did YOU get? Hey, I bet you didn’t even read it all!! Too hard, wasn’t it? Which automatically makes it boring after a minute or two (for most of us anyway).

SO WHAT I’VE PROVEN TODAY IS THAT IT’S EASIER TO READ IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE THAN IT IS TO READ SOME OF THE STUFF THEY’RE GIVING MIDDLE SCHOOLERS NOWADAYS.

HELP!!

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
To whom disaster does befall
When he hears Shakespeare’s call,
Dr. Crankenfuss

A Simple Spanish Vocabulary Test! Yeah, right!!

Post #158 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

So here’a a challenge you should be able to meet. I take Spanish and let me tell you, it can get HARD!! I mean, I don’t know how Mexicans and Spanish people (and all the people in all those Latino countries) even learn it. They must be geniuses! There are all these rules and stuff and they usually don’t say anything the way we do.

BUT, there are a bunch of Spanish words that DO sound almost like they do in English. Those are the ones our teacher — Señorita Mills — taught us first. I think she was trying to get us all confident like Spanish was going to be cinchy, ya’ know. Then she wiped us out with the other 100,00 words or so. (Well, not all at once. We still about 99,800 to go.)

Here’s what I’m talking about:
In Spanish they have a word superior. It’s pronounced (kind of) soo-peh-ree-OR. And it means — get ready for this — superior in English.
Hey, how easy is that??
So here’s a few more. (I’ll always give the Spanish word first.)
absurdo means absurd.
barbero means barber.
cámera means camera.
fabuloso means fabulous.
famoso means famous.

So, are all you dudes out there ready for a simple Spanish vocabulary test? I’ll give you the Spanish word and you pick the right answer. But I’ve put in a few tricky ones so don’t go thinking all of these are pieces of cake, okay? (And when you’re through, go to the bottom of the post to see how you did? I DON’T think most of you will get a 100. But some of you might. If you do, you’re way smarter than I was.)



A SIMPLE SPANISH VOCABULARY TEST

Directions: Look at the Spanish word AT THE LEFT. Pick the word you think it means in English — A, B, C, or D. If you’re really honest, you might write down your answers, so you can’t pretend you never gave that answer. (You know what I’m talking about!) The real answers are at the very bottom. If you feel like it, write me and tell me how you did.)

1. natural      a) nasty      b) needy      c) natural      d) knot

2. secreto      a) secret      b) sexy      c) scrub      d) see

3. desnudo      a) decent      b) dangerous      c) nuthead      d) naked

4. gracioso      a) thank you      b) gracious      c) funny      d) grody

5. embarazada      a) pregnant      b) embarrassed      c) barricade      d) foolish

6. arena      a) sand      b) stadium      c)rain      d) elephant

7. bombero      a) bony      b) a terrorist      c) a fireman      d) a swimmer

8. éxito      a) exist      b) exit      c) a beanbag      d) success

9. correcto      a) corny      b) correct      c) corridor      d) technical

10. la ropa      a) to rap      b) clothing      c) the rope      d) the champion


Now do you want to see how you did? To see how much talent you really have in Spanish? Well, click here to go to the Answer Page.

Then you can come back and see why you did so wonderfully (or not).

And thanks for taking my Spanish Quiz. It’s a lot easier giving them than taking them!

See you soon,
but not in my Spanish class
’cause I’m always hiding in the last row,
Your Dude con la actitud,
El Doctor Crankenfuss

Don’t bless me just because I sneeze/ Save it for when I really need it, please

Post #151 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

Okay, the other day I wrote a post about how “outdated” the idea of saying “Bless you” might be nowadays. I also promised you a possible poem about the subject. So I finally got my scrawny butt around to writing that poem.

Better late than ever, I say.

And yeah, I know you might say, “Better never than ever,” but I’m not talking to you, bub, so there!

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS
(‘CAUSE YOU MAY BE RUNNING OUT OF THEM)
by Dr. Crankenfuss
Every time I sneeze
It never, ever fails,
Someone says, “Bless you”
Like they’re coming to my rescue
To save me from some demon
That I don’t believe in.

People…
There ain’t no devils in me,
My heart’s fine, so chill.
To invoke religion for such small stuff
Seems like overkill.

Yeah, it makes me feel real good
To know that I am blessed,
But wouldn’t that wish be better
Before I took a test,
Or had a pain — like in my chest —
Before a cardiac arrest?

Instead of worrying about me
If I have a little sneeze,
How about blessing yourselves
If I just cut the cheese,
Or if I am fixing your dinner,
Or in similar emergencies?

I mean…
What happens when I cough?
Nothin’.
Or when I stub my toe?
Bupkis.
And I’m sure I don’t earn a blessing
If I have an itchy tuchus.

So all I’m really saying is
Blessings are like freedom.
I think I’d rather stock them up
For when I really need ’em.
So bless me when I’m in grave danger —
Like when I have a bad disease.
Don’t use up God’s precious energy
Just for a little sneeze.