Tag Archives: Mars

Scientists agree — the Crank is #1. The Mars One Mission is dead and done.

Post #155 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

Oh, Dr. Crankenfuss may only be in middle school, but when he speaks, scientists listen. You don’t believe me? Well, check out my blog post from February 20. In there I carefully and wisely analyzed the chances for people to get to Mars by 2024 on the Mars One mission that 200,000 people signed up for. (But only 24 will go in the end. THEIR END!) Near the end of the post I said, “But I don’t really think this thing will ever take off. It just kind of sounds too crazy to be real. Or even if it IS real, it still sounds too crazy.”

So yesterday (March 3) I find this article where Neil deGrasse Tyson, a super-famous astronomer, who used to be on Cosmos and now does StarTalkTV for National Geographic (which sounds good though I haven’t seen it yet) and other scientists tell how wacky the plans for Mars One are. Now most of their arguments are about the scientific part of the mission, but they definitely used one or two of my ideas. (They didn’t, however, bring up the “Attack of the Alien Zombies” danger I was brilliant enough to invent realize.)

What matters though is that I wrote my post around two weeks ago and NOW the scientific community is coming around to my side. There’s little doubt that at least some of them got a whiff of a certain cranky curmudgeon’s blog that always speaks the truth, whether people want to hear it or not. So say what you will, THE DOCTOR IS VALIDATED. I bet some of those scientists might end up being big fans of my site. And the next thing you know, I’ll have my own show on the National Geographic Channel. Maybe something like “Crankenfuss Gets Creative.” That would give me lots of room to maneuver, you see.

Ah, it feels good to be right. Of course that’s not a new feeling for me. It still feels good though.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Being famous isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be

Post #153 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

In my last post I told you that lots of people wanted to go to Mars on the Mars One project so they’d be famous and they’d be helping the world create a better future. Sounds kind of cool, doesn’t it? Well here’s an example where accomplishing the same results wouldn’t be so hot.

How’d you like to be super famous all over the world and be on TV over and over and over for almost four months? Almost everybody would know your name and be talking about you. “What could be wrong with that?” you ask. Well, it didn’t turn out so well for Barney Clark.

The year was 1982. The guy on the left in this picture below was named Barney Clark and he was the first person in the world to have an artificial heart.
barney_clark_from_cedmagic (I found this picture at the cedmagic.com website.) It was a really big event for medicine. A human getting an artificial heart for the first time in history! He was hopefully going to get better and live a productive life. (He was 61 when the operation happened.) But things didn’t turn out that way for Barney Clark. Sure, he was famous, on TV all the time, and all that stuff, but the artificial heart didn’t work so well for him and there were all sorts of complications. In fact, Mr. Clark suffered badly during the experience.

Barney Clark lasted 112 days on that machine. He never got out of the hospital again. He died. It was a very sad story and I feel bad for that poor man. (My granddad told me that story after he read my last post. He had me look up the info on Wikipedia.)

To be fair, Mr. Clark didn’t have a whole bunch of choices. He had been sick for a long time and the artificial heart was probably his only chance. Also he didn’t ask to be famous, but that’s what happened.

But, like I said, when it comes to new untested science, couldn’t similar things happen to those people on that Mars One mission? They want to be famous. Well, they’ll get that. But the science will be mostly new. And untested. Unlike Barney Clark, Mars One astronauts DO have other choices. Like not signing up! Think about it, people!

Just trying to help, as usual.
From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

P.S. And please say a prayer for Mr. Barney Clark. It was not easy for him or his family.

Living on Mars is the prize? What’s the point when everyone dies?

Post #152 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

Yeah, it’s been too long since I checked in. Issues, ya know. That’s all I want to say about that right now, but it involves issues, okay? Maybe one day I’ll talk about them. But right now I have a few things I’ve heard about (or thought about) lately so you’ll be getting three posts in the next week. Woo hoo! Talk about good luck for you! Anyway, here’s the first topic. Some company in Holland — it’s called Mars One — is sending 24 people to Mars, starting in 2024, and they’re having a contest to pick the space pioneers. At least that’s their story.

Sounds pretty cool, doesn’t it? I mean, if you win and get to be one of the 24, you get to be like Christopher Columbus, discovering a new world and all that. Though you’d be way cooler than ol’ Chris ’cause we all know Columbus didn’t discover anything. There were already like tons of people living in “The New World” when he found it. So history gives Columbus all the credit even though Leif Erikson traveled to the so-called New World 500 years before Columbus and there were probably at least a few other people who did the same thing.

Anyway, I know what a lot of you are thinking. “Why don’t you apply to go to Mars, Crankenfuss? Good riddance, I say!”

Not so fast, Paco. You won’t get rid of me that easily. I got things to say and write and my opinions are needed here on Earth, thank you very much. Also, I’d have to be some kind of crazy to try out for this trip (even if I WAS eligible, which I’m not since you have to be age 18).

So how many people applied to go on this trip? Over 200,000! Yow! You can go to the Mars One website and look at their Press Releases if you don’t believe me. 200,000???? And now they’ve narrowed it down to 100 finalists. Out of these people, they’re going to pick 24 and train them in a desert for months and months, then stick them on a rocket ship and off they go to Mars. They’ll be world — maybe universally — famous and they probably will be on TV a lot and there’ll be movies about them and all. But there are some downsides I’ve come up with for these heady optimists and I just thought I’d bring up a few of them  before they take that last step.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG ON YOUR HISTORIC TRIP TO MARS?

1. MARS ONE is only sending four people at a time. Say you’re one of the first four. What are the odds you’re going to get along fantastically with the other three Mars-o-nauts? Close to zero, that’s what I say. On the seven month trip there, with all the cameras on, you might be polite and hide your feelings. But come on, living for years and years on Mars with just three other people? Hey, I only have two people in my immediate family and we’re related by blood. So we share a lot of traits, ya know. And we get in arguments all the time. What if one of the other three doesn’t close her mouth when she chews and it drives you crazy? Or someone has a huge mole on his earlobe. But you can’t mention it, can you? You have to keep it all tucked inside in case everyone in the world sees you in the middle of a hissy fit on TV. (And yes, there will eventually be 24 people in all, but still there’s no way they’ll all get along.)

2. The trip is not a round trip. IT’S ONE WAY! It’s too expensive to get you back so MARS ONE says you’ll spend the rest of your life on Mars. Doing what? Looking at rocks? (At least you’ll have two moons to look at during the night. Hey, that would be pretty cool, I guess. But you won’t ever see your family or friends again. EVER! But hey, you’ll be famous and important. Well, famous anyway.)

3. Speaking of never seeing your family and friends again, what do you think the odds are of finding someone you can truly love and share your life with out of the 3 to 23 other people you’ll be living with on Mars? Don’t you think your relationships with your loved ones back on Earth will be strained just a little bit? But how good are the possibilities you’ll find true love on Mars?

4. The mission will cost at least $6 billion!! That’s right: a six with 9 zeroes. And does Mars One have this kind of money in their spare change drawer? Of course not! So they’re planning on making the whole contest and trip into A REALITY SHOW. Yeah, we all know how friendly those participants can be. And how can a reality show earn $6 billion? (Unless it’s the Super Bowl, of course.)

5. There’s a solid chance you’ll blow up on the launch pad. They just had a couple huge rocket disasters that private companies were in charge of. I know ’cause I saw them on the news. One of the companies was named SpaceX and you can see their rocket blow up here. This video doesn’t exactly leave me with a feeling of confidence.

6. Okay, I admit this one’s a little out there, but what if your crew gets attacked by space zombies — Hey, there’s no proof they DON’T exist — or what if someone on the trip with you dies and turns INTO a zombie? Betcha no one’s thought of that one yet.

Anyway these are just some of the things that could go wrong. The way I see it, anyone who applies to go is already too crazy to qualify.

You don’t have to take my word for all this. If you want to see an official news report on this whole thing, you can click here and read all about it. But I don’t really think this thing will ever take off. It just kind of sounds too crazy to be real. Or even if it IS real, it still sounds too crazy.

So there you are. My first post in a while. You’ll get another one that’s kind of connected to this in two or three days. It’s about a guy who got world famous (like these Mars-o-Nuts) and it didn’t turn out too well for him.

Till then, you’ve seen the return of
Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss