Tag Archives: poem

Don’t bless me just because I sneeze/ Save it for when I really need it, please

Post #151 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

Okay, the other day I wrote a post about how “outdated” the idea of saying “Bless you” might be nowadays. I also promised you a possible poem about the subject. So I finally got my scrawny butt around to writing that poem.

Better late than ever, I say.

And yeah, I know you might say, “Better never than ever,” but I’m not talking to you, bub, so there!

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS
(‘CAUSE YOU MAY BE RUNNING OUT OF THEM)
by Dr. Crankenfuss
Every time I sneeze
It never, ever fails,
Someone says, “Bless you”
Like they’re coming to my rescue
To save me from some demon
That I don’t believe in.

People…
There ain’t no devils in me,
My heart’s fine, so chill.
To invoke religion for such small stuff
Seems like overkill.

Yeah, it makes me feel real good
To know that I am blessed,
But wouldn’t that wish be better
Before I took a test,
Or had a pain — like in my chest —
Before a cardiac arrest?

Instead of worrying about me
If I have a little sneeze,
How about blessing yourselves
If I just cut the cheese,
Or if I am fixing your dinner,
Or in similar emergencies?

I mean…
What happens when I cough?
Nothin’.
Or when I stub my toe?
Bupkis.
And I’m sure I don’t earn a blessing
If I have an itchy tuchus.

So all I’m really saying is
Blessings are like freedom.
I think I’d rather stock them up
For when I really need ’em.
So bless me when I’m in grave danger —
Like when I have a bad disease.
Don’t use up God’s precious energy
Just for a little sneeze.

My first video’s online/ And I have to admit it’s mighty fine

Humor Post #125 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping Middle School blogger –

Hello to all from your new rap star Dr. Crankenfuss. Yep, that’s right. I have a new rap video online at YouTube at this page. The rap is around two minutes long and there’s under 150 words in all and I think I said a lot in that time/space. So check it out and then come back here for more news. (Oh, yeah. And hello to all you writers at Weekend Writing Warriors. That’s a very cool site for writers that you should check out.)


Hello again, all you rap fanatics out there. The video’s not too shabby, is it? I guess you could tell that wasn’t me exactly. It’s a Dr. Crankenfuss puppet but I’m okay with that. He’s pretty cool looking actually. I welcome any and all comments because I know they’ll be awesome. (At least I hope they are.) You can put your comments on the YouTube page or here on this page. Thanks for looking.

Daniel and me, we’re already working on our next video. It’s also based on one of my raps that I put up on this site a while back. You can look it up by typing “Why Can’t I Be a Hip Hop Star?” in the search box. We added music, changed the lyrics some, and I’ve been practicing my dancing so I won’t look like a total idiot. But like the rap says, my hopes ain’t too high on that.

Talk to you soon.

Your Rappin’ Dude with the ‘Tude (and now his own video),
Dr. Crankenfuss

iPad and Kindle Workers Don’t Make Enough, But That’s Also True For a Lot of our Stuff

Humor Post #115 from the world’s Awesomest & Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School and YA Blog –

Whew, I’ve had a kind of rough time since I put out that BOOKS ARE EVIL post. See I was arguing that Kindles and iPads made more sense for kids than paper books. You can go back and read it if you want. Some people agreed with me, but some got kind of mad at me. I guess I need a thicker skin. Now how do I grow one of those and if I do, will I look more like an elephant?

That was supposed to be a joke. Pretty bad, huh? Okay, you don’t have to agree so loudly.

But I am willing to admit one big problem with our tablets that I didn’t know much about when I wrote that article. They all seem to be made in China or some country in Asia where workers make like, if they’re lucky, a dollar a day. That’s bad. And I checked out some of my books and they’re all printed in the USA. So I’m ready to say we should be willing to pay a bit more for tablets if they could be made here. But then I figured out something else. Most everything we buy that’s not food comes from Asia. And our food is mostly picked by workers from Mexico and Central America. And I’m not exaggerating. Look at my house. I mean we have a Samsung television and an Hitachi TV. Asia. Our refrigerator and washer/dryer are all LG. Asia.

Then I went through my clothes. Guess how many brands were made in the USA. Guess. No, I really mean Guess. My Guess shirt was practically the only thing I could find made in the USA. I have New Balance sneaks made in China, shirts made in Pakistan, Korea, China, Hong Kong, Taiwan, India. And I just saw on the news tonight about a clothes factory in Bangladesh where they have girls as young as 12 working there and another building fell down a month or two ago nearby and over 1000 people died. Over 1000 and they were all making clothes!! Imagine if something like that happened here. I think it would take up quite a bit of news time, don’t you? And tonight they showed the labels of the clothes those people in Bangladesh were making. The labels said ASICs and Wrangler and WalMart. (I’m sure there were other brands at other factories, but that’s what they showed tonight.)

So I gotta say it. And I’ll say it in a poem. Natch.

TABLETS AND OTHER STUFF WE NEED AND LIKE A LOT
by Dr. Crankenfuss

I don’t understand it,
What can I say?
Almost nothing I own’s
Made in the US of A.

My shoes come from Vietnam or China,
Calvin Klein’s made in Hong Kong,
Almost the only thing I have not from the far East
Is a polyester shirt from Oman.

India, Korea, Pakistan,
Don’t matter if it’s for a woman or a man,
I don’t know what happened to all the US workers,
Must be they’re all frying fast food burgers.

So I guess to be fair I should give up my iPad,
Its workers are exploited and somehow that’s my bad,
I could read paper books printed here I suppose
But shouldn’t I also learn to live without clothes?

Just sayin’.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude (who’s still learning, ya know),
Dr. Crankenfuss
P.S. And thanks to everybody who gave me your ideas here or at LinkedIn, Facebook, and GoodReads. It’s cool to get mail from you.

BULLYING: THERE’S NO EASY FIX, MAYBE NO FIX AT ALL. BUT HERE’S SOME ADVICE.

Humor Post #113 from the world’s Awesomest & Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School and YA Blog –

No humor today, people. I’m going to talk about a problem that bothers me a lot: bullying. It’s lucky that I’m not a big victim of bullying. Probably a matter of luck in some way. My humor and being a wise**s in class probably makes some people think I’m not too much of a dweeb. I get myself in trouble by being called down by the teacher so maybe the bullies think I’m something like them. Plus I never say no if someone asks me for help on a problem or their homework (if it’s not too long) so maybe I’m considered a bit valuable. And maybe it’s partly ’cause I like sports so much though I’m not good enough to make the school teams. (On a scale of 10, I’m probably around a 6.) But I can talk sports as well as anybody and that makes me seem more “normal,” I guess. Also I wear the same type clothes most everyone does. Nothing hurts you worse than looking like you don’t have a clue about how to dress. People pick up on that fast.

But I do see bullying. I see kids getting their books knocked out of their hands or being called names. And no, I don’t get up in the bully’s face and tell him to stop. (And I’m not talking about girl bullying. Some of those girls are even meaner than the guys.) The most I’ve ever done is get kind of close so maybe the bully can see there’s a witness. I think that’s helped a few times, but I don’t take much credit for it. A few times I’ve gone in a teacher’s room (if I knew the teacher) and quietly let them know there was a problem outside. But only a few. I don’t want to be called a snitch. For some people, that’s the worst thing there is.

I know what the right thing to do is. Stand up for people. Easy to say, not easy to do ’cause it’s so dangerous. (If I have to explain why, you’re probably not smart enough to be reading this.) Let’s face it: there are some mean people in this world. And they’re not the type to change just because someone tells them they’re not being nice. Maybe they had a hard life and they’re angry. Doesn’t matter. They still can hurt you.

So I’ve done what I always like to do: write a poem. I don’t know if it’ll do any good and I know I’m no hero. But here it is.

HOW TO SORT OF DEAL WITH BULLYING
by Dr. Crankenfuss

Bullying is bad,
Most people agree.
You see encouraging ads
They put on TV.

There’s a nationwide program
Do-Gooders share,
But there’s one little problem:
Bullies don’t care.

They don’t ever feel
Their job is finished,
And if they get caught,
They’re hardly ever punished.

If they’re called to the office,
Their parents usually whine.
See, lots of bad fruit
Comes from the same vine.

The best plan is clear:
Stay out of their sight.
If they don’t notice you,
You’ll be all right.

Sometimes someone
Stands up and fights back.
But it’s then that bullies’ friends
Join the attack.

And school’s not the end,
There’s a monster combine,
If they miss you in class,
They can get you online.

Bullies are dictators,
They award themselves crowns.
They feel like kings
If they can hold you down.

But nature can be cruel,
And there are bullies in history.
That there are bullies in school
Should be no mystery.

Sometimes you can take comfort
That school’s just a stage
‘Cause many bullies grow up
To make minimum wage.

But others are rewarded,
They make the big bucks.
It’s a sad piece of evidence
That life sometimes sucks.

The public likes bad boys
And it’s not subliminal.
Look how Hollywood
Practically worships the criminal.

Look how we idolize
Athletes beating their chests.
Some fans think they’re cool
If their team is the best.

My only advice
Is to look for connection.
Find your own kind,
Stick together for protection.

Believe in yourself,
Work hard and in time
You’ll see being different
Is in no way a crime.

Pursue what you love,
Find out where you’re best,
‘Cause nobody’s special
If they’re exactly like the rest.

Don’t ever give up,
Life’s one long fight.
Give ’em your best shot
And you might be all right.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude (who wishes he was braver),
Dr. Crankenfuss

My newest classical rap: ODE TO SPRING (ME OUTTA HERE!)

Humor Post #103 from the world’s Awesomest & Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School and YA Blog –

ODE TO SPRING (ME OUTTA HERE!)

Learnin’ my math
And ABC’s
But nuthin much matters
No more to me
Feelin’ kind of blah
No dedication
But I think I know
The explanation.

I look outside
Blue skies, trees green
Sittin’ in class
Seems kinda obscene
This ain‘t no place
For a true freaky dude
Didn’t we outlaw
Involuntary servitude?

Feelin’ all tied up
And listless… yeah, true!
You heard of spring fever?
Well I got spring FLU!
As the Crank, I seek da truth
My doubting questions never end
But now I’m only askin’,
“When is school gonna end?”

Ain’t seven months of hard labor
Enough for any young soul?
Shouldn’t they be showin’ us Heaven
‘Stead of keepin’ us here in this hole?
Nature is tellin’ us somethin’
The worms go to the first birdie
Maybe we could fly like eagles
If you’d only stop school early

I ain’t got nuthin left
My energy’s worn to the bone
The second I walk in here
Is the instant I wanna go home
My brain is full to the max
You been crammin’ my head full of knowledge
I’m only finishin’ sixth grade
Feels like I’m ready to graduate college

So give a young man a break
Show him you really care
Announce, “We know it’s only April
But we’re lettin’ you outta here.”
You’ll be my hero, my idol,
My bestest forever friend
Just lissen to a student’s prayer
And let this school year end

     I promise to be a good boy
    Just let this school year end

    Don’t make me throw a hissy fit now
    Just let this school year end!

From Your Totally Worn Out, Wasted, and Washed Up Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss