Post #141 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger –

Dudes, you ever do any cleaning in your house? Okay, what if your mom or dad makes you, you know like they say, “You should pull your weight around here, El Sloppo!” or “If you want your allowance this week, you better do some chores around the house”?

Well, it doesn’t matter if you do or don’t. All that matters is that you recognize this thing I’m about to show you.

Yes, almost every house in our country has one of these. For those of you who don’t know it, it’s a DUSTPAN. And I had to use one to clean up the kitchen last night. And I discovered an important thing about it. Well, I’ve always known it, but it was still like a WOW moment because I realized it’s time to get rid of this pitiful excuse of a tool and replace it with something better.

Here’s my reason: IT DOESN’T WORK! No matter how hard you try, it always leaves a line of dirt or dust right at its entry point. Then you have to get down with a wet paper towel or something to get up what’s left. What’s with that? How long has this thing been around–since Roman times maybe?–at least in one of those emperor’s mansions or something and even then, some servant probably got his tail whipped because the emperor would come along and say, “Like dude, what’s with this line of dirt on my marble floor?” and he’d send the poor guy off to the lions.

I mean, we’ve replaced parchment, the quill pen, the horse and buggy, the hole in the ground (for going to the bathroom) and most of the stuff from centuries ago with something better.

WHY NOT THE DUSTPAN?

And yes, I know you’ll say a vacuum cleaner is stronger for getting up dirt, but that involves dragging it from another part of the house and it takes too long, man.

So here’s my suggestion for that thing.

Good-bye and good riddance. At least after someone comes up with something that works better. C’mon, Apple. An I-Watch is nice, I’m sure, but I’m talking about something that will really change the world here. And make it cleaner too. Maybe an environmental group will support me on this.

In any case, that’s all I got today.

From someone who’s always trying to make the world a better place,
Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss