Humor Post #90 from the world’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School Blog (and probably the awesomest YA blog too) –

This is a message to Manti Te’o from Dr. Crankenfuss:

You don’t know me from dog poo, but I’m just trying to work this out in my head, bro. Now I don’t know how smart you are, but I know you’re on the Notre Dame football team. That means, at the least, you understand your team’s playbook. Those things can get pretty complicated, I hear. You play on the defensive line. That means the the other team’s offense is trying to fool you all the time, you know, like faking handoffs and telling you your shoe laces are untied, stuff like that. You have a big coaching staff teaching you how to size up a situation, fast and accurately. You’re pretty good at your position. Good work! That means you’re no dummy.

You’re so good, in fact, that by the time you’re a senior, you’re the biggest star on the team. Lots of press, lots of attention. Lots of potential girl friends too. I’m only a kid, but I think that there would be plenty of girls who’d like to be associated with the team’s star. Heck, at the least, the TV shows would always be pointing them out in the stands. If they’re into attention, they’d be sure to get a lot of it.

Ah, but there’s a problem for them. You’ve had this long distance girlfriend for three years. You’re so in love with her, you’ve told your teammates and your dad about her. You’ve spent hundreds of hours on the phone with her.

But you’ve never met her!

You’ve never even tried to meet her very hard.

You’ve never Skyped with her or had a Facebook video chat.

Huh??

Even when she was in a horrible car accident, you didn’t try to go see her. What’s with that? Hey, you managed to get from Hawaii to Indiana, didn’t you? Couldn’t you have figured out some way to get to the bedside of the love of your life? Wouldn’t your dad or some relative have given you a plane ticket? And then she comes down with leukemia! She’s on the edge of death! Even then you don’t visit her. And when she dies, it seems like you make no effort to go to her funeral. Who would deny you that?

As someone famous once said, something is rotten in Denmark. And Notre Dame too. And it doesn’t take a crabby old cynic like Dr. Crankenfuss to figure this out.
I don’t know what happened here, but it sure ain’t what’s been said so far.

Come clean, bro. The truth shall set you free (and answer a lot of questions for Crankenfuss).

Just sayin’.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss