Post #166 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping middle school blogger–

So it’s the new year and my New Year’s Resolution is not to be so geeky, ya know, like where I’m smart, but too shy so I don’t get any rewards for my good qualities. Believe it or not, I’m really not bad looking at all. “Yeah, right!” you say. “Look at that tobacco stain you call a face at the top left.” Well, that mug shot isn’t really that accurate. It’s kind of photoshopped up to make me look scrungier and meaner than I really am. It’s really a mask I hide behind. I really can be funny and make people laugh and I sometimes get in trouble with my teachers for my wisecracks, but I’m never flat out mean or anything. That gets me attention, but I don’t know where to go with it. I always play it too careful with girls. I mean I want them to like me and maybe a few do, but I’m too nervous to ask them out so guess what? I don’t have a girlfriend. Or anything you could call a date. What if I get up the nerve to actually get a girlfriend? I can see myself immediately saying or doing something stupid or rude and she’d swat me off like a horse swats a fly with its tail and go trotting on her merry way and I’d be lying face down, the fly left behind in some horse poop.

I know that’s a crummy attitude to have, but there you are. My fears are bigger than my wants. I know you can’t win a race unless you enter it first. I really do. I see other people with the guts to do it – for a bunch of them, it takes no effort at all, that’s how much confidence they have. That makes me feel even worse. Well, that’s my New Year’s resolution – to enter that race and not worry about being rejected.

It’s always much easier to settle in my Crankenfuss thing. That feels safe. Like throwing rocks from inside a fort. Maybe this’ll be the year I come out of that fort and throw out compliments instead of insults. I’ll see what happens (if I can do it). But I’ll still see things that bother me and tick me off, so there’s no way you won’t be seeing ol’ Crankenfuss at least once in a while. There still has to be someone to stand up to the stupid stuff and people in the world, doesn’t there?

So how can I keep the Crankenfuss thing going and have this other positive, confident guy living inside the same head? Will I lose some of my humor if I’m too “nice”? And how many questions can I ask myself before I bore myself (and you)?

Hey, I think I got it:
LESS SHY, MORE FLY!

That has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?

Well, no matter what you think,
thanks, and Happy New Year!