Post #134 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger –

Oh, it’s NCAA Tournament Time and the Doctor has filled out his brackets. I’m gonna win that Warren Buffet guy’s $1 BILLION, I just know it.

Ah, who am I kidding? ESPN’s been doing this contest for like 15 years and no one’s ever won it yet so I think my chances are about as slim as my becoming the starting quarterback on our school’s football team. Which means they are ZERO since I’m not even on the football team.

But I do have a rule change that would help basketball tremendously because it would make it way more fair. And what would that be? Well, I told you in the title: players should not be allowed to foul out.

Quick, name another sport where players get kicked out of the game for committing regular fouls. Now I’m not talking about dirty fouls, like flagrant fouls or really trying to hurt somebody. I got no problem with players getting the boot for that. But in football, if a guy goes offsides or commits pass interference 10 times, he won’t be kicked out of the game. Now of course his coach will probably yank him but the rules don’t say, “Hey, bobo, you made five or six mistakes? You’re outta here!” In hockey, a guy goes to the penalty box for two minutes, then comes back; in soccer, yes, they can get kicked out after two yellow cards, but those are on plays that could have really injured someone. But in basketball, a guy could commit five ticky-tack fouls (like just bumping into someone when he’s not even shooting) and he’s gone. And he could be the best player on the team! Not only that. If the player is within one foul of getting kicked out, he (or she, of course) can’t really play as hard as they want to because they’re scared of fouling out.

“So okay, Crankenfuss, what would you do to fix this supposed problem?” That’s what you’re saying, isn’t it? Well, here’s my fix. From now on, if say, LeBron James gets his sixth foul — six fouls and you’re out in the pros — he can stay in the game. But if he commits a seventh foul, the other team gets two (or even three) foul shots AND the ball back. That means Miami might be giving up five or six potential points for keeping LeBron in the game. But it’ll be up to the Miami coach to decide if that risk is worth it. In the meantime, the best player in basketball won’t have to sit down for the rest of the game.

So there’s my solution. Keep players in the game, but make the penalty worse for their team if they screw up.

So let me know what you think. All I know is that it would help every team out there if they knew they could actually keep their whole team in the game for the whole game. And also, it would mean that a bad call (or three) by a ref wouldn’t mean you’d have to sit a player down. Those calls would be unfortunate, yes, but the coach would just have to decide if it was worth it to keep him/her in. But they wouldn’t necessarily LOSE THE PLAYER.

Game, set, and match to Dr. Crankenfuss. Well, I think so, but I’d be glad to hear other opinions. (And yes, I know we’re not talking tennis, but that’s what I came up with, okay?)

Thanks for listening.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Who for the next three weeks
Is going to be glued
To the tube,
Dr. Crankenfuss