Monthly Archives: January 2013

Freak Speak

Yay! We’re not running out of chicken wings! And some say the country’s going in the wrong direction. Not!

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Humor Post #91 from the world’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School Blog (and probably the awesomest YA blog too) –

Luckily it looks like a major national crisis has been averted. First we barely escaped that Mayan apocalypse everyone in the world was talking about. Well, maybe it was everyone in the world minus about 7 billion people. But we still made it through unscathed. (Yes, you’re right. There’s another new Crankenfuss word. And why is it you hear “unscathed,” but never “scathed”?)

C’mon, Crankenfuss. Back to topic. Stay on topic. Oh yeah, and we managed to not fall off that fiscal cliff every news program was talking about for months, not that I ever understood what that was all about. For a while I always thought they were saying “physical cliff,” and I would think, Well, what other kind is there? An pretend cliff? And what would be so bad about falling off a pretend cliff. You’d only get pretend hurt. But then I found out the word was “fiscal.” So then I didn’t care anymore, cause even when I looked it up, it didn’t sound interesting.

Is Dr. C off topic AGAIN? Looks like it. Well, it’s like this. I really do have one thought after another. It’s just that none of them are connected.

Okay, okay, here it is. For a while, it looked like there might not be enough chicken wings for the Super Bowl. That would have been horrible. I’m sure all the players would have gone on strike, knowing what a national emergency there was. But now, that crisis is OVER!! Yay! That’s three in a row. The head of the National Chicken Council — I didn’t make that name up — says it was a mean rumor that there wouldn’t be enough chicken wings for all those dudes to chow down on while they’re cheering for their team, bits of chicken flying out of their mouths as they whoop it up. But I was thinking that how could there be a “head” of the National Chicken Council? Everybody knows chickens don’t have heads. I’ve seen scads of them in my time in all sorts of stores — well, food stores — and no chicken I see has a head. So that guy should really be called the Neck of the Chicken Council, doncha think? That’s as high up a chicken as you can go.

Now it’s time for me to take my meditation break. I keep repeating to myself, Stay on topic, Crankenfuss. Stay on topic, Crankenfuss. I’m up to three straight times before my mind starts to wander. I’m going for the “big four” today. Woo hoo!

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. C

Freak Speak

Manti, your girlfriend was really sick. Ever think of visiting her?

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Humor Post #90 from the world’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School Blog (and probably the awesomest YA blog too) –

This is a message to Manti Te’o from Dr. Crankenfuss:

You don’t know me from dog poo, but I’m just trying to work this out in my head, bro. Now I don’t know how smart you are, but I know you’re on the Notre Dame football team. That means, at the least, you understand your team’s playbook. Those things can get pretty complicated, I hear. You play on the defensive line. That means the the other team’s offense is trying to fool you all the time, you know, like faking handoffs and telling you your shoe laces are untied, stuff like that. You have a big coaching staff teaching you how to size up a situation, fast and accurately. You’re pretty good at your position. Good work! That means you’re no dummy.

You’re so good, in fact, that by the time you’re a senior, you’re the biggest star on the team. Lots of press, lots of attention. Lots of potential girl friends too. I’m only a kid, but I think that there would be plenty of girls who’d like to be associated with the team’s star. Heck, at the least, the TV shows would always be pointing them out in the stands. If they’re into attention, they’d be sure to get a lot of it.

Ah, but there’s a problem for them. You’ve had this long distance girlfriend for three years. You’re so in love with her, you’ve told your teammates and your dad about her. You’ve spent hundreds of hours on the phone with her.

But you’ve never met her!

You’ve never even tried to meet her very hard.

You’ve never Skyped with her or had a Facebook video chat.

Huh??

Even when she was in a horrible car accident, you didn’t try to go see her. What’s with that? Hey, you managed to get from Hawaii to Indiana, didn’t you? Couldn’t you have figured out some way to get to the bedside of the love of your life? Wouldn’t your dad or some relative have given you a plane ticket? And then she comes down with leukemia! She’s on the edge of death! Even then you don’t visit her. And when she dies, it seems like you make no effort to go to her funeral. Who would deny you that?

As someone famous once said, something is rotten in Denmark. And Notre Dame too. And it doesn’t take a crabby old cynic like Dr. Crankenfuss to figure this out.
I don’t know what happened here, but it sure ain’t what’s been said so far.

Come clean, bro. The truth shall set you free (and answer a lot of questions for Crankenfuss).

Just sayin’.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Freak Speak

A very cool optical illusion — Prepare to be amazed

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Humor Post #89 from the world’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School Blog (and probably the awesomest YA blog too) –

Dr. Crankenfuss makes up some incredible stuff, I would have to admit, but he didn’t come up with this one. I found it at this site called http://www.digi-graphics.com/

It’s an optical illusion and who doesn’t like those? Oh, I hear someone out there who’s saying, “I don’t.” Well, go somewhere else then. The rest of you stay.

Here it comes:

Optical illusion checkerboard at Freaky Dude Books
What's the difference in color between Square A and Square B?

So there it is. You see this checkerboard? (That’s a rhetorical question.) Tell me the difference between the color of Square A and Square B. It’s not a trick question.

So you want the answer? (Again, I know you do.)

THEY’RE THE EXACT SAME COLOR!

You going “Pshaw! No way they’re the same,” aren’t you?

Well, here’s the proof. I “clipped” the two squares and put them side by side. The proof is right under this line.
Optical Illustion Proof at Freaky Dude Books
And if you think it’s still a trick, I checked the “color code” for each box. THEY’RE BOTH #838383.

Pretty amazing, huh? So anyway, even though I could never have created such a genius trick, at least I was able to find it. Again, it’s at http://www.digi-graphics.com/

You can thank digi-graphics AND
Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Freak Speak

This post is for people who like math AND Italian food

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Humor Post #88 from the world’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School Blog (and probably the awesomest YA blog too) –

I didn’t make this up, but it’s too good not to pass on.

If “a” is the area of a circle, and “z” is the radius…

well, then,
pi * z * z = a

(Remember, if you’ve forgotten your middle school math, an asterisk means TIMES.)

That’s it, the shortest post by Crankenfuss ever.

You can stop your cheering now.

Oh yeah, BTW, Daniel’s new books are now out at Apple and B&N. Should be on Amazon this week. Two Moose Joke Books and a literary novel released in the same month! Woo hoo!

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Freak Speak

Google Glass is where it’s at and where it’ll be

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Humor Post #87from the world’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School Blog (and probably the awesomest YA blog too) –

Oh yes, the future is here now. Can’t wait to get my Google Glass. I’ve written about it before but here’s a video (from Google) that shows how it’ll work:

See it’ll do everything a smart phone does, but it’ll be smarter cause you don’t have to keep anything in your pocket and you won’t have to look down all the time to check out, for example, how many people have unfriended you on Facebook today.

And yeah, they do look a little dorky, I guess, but by the time they get big, dorky will definitely be where it’s at. And just like eyeglasses led to contacts, maybe Google Glass will lead to Googletacts (thought Googletax looks cooler in print, doncha think?)

It’s too bad I probably won’t be able to afford these things for awhile. I’m having a hard srounging up burger money lately. But in tech, everything gets cheaper every year so maybe by the time I’m 18 or so, these will be like everywhere.

Yeah, I know it’s unusual to see Crankenfuss positive about something. But it’s hard not to get all wound up about this. And it’s definitely more fun than doing homework. Which I keep putting off. Ye-c-c-h-h!

Till later.

Your Dude with the’Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss