December | 2015 | Freaky Dude Books

Post #160 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping middle school blogger–

Yo, do I have something for you today! Are you the type — like I am — who craves attention, you know like you want people to notice you? Yeah, before I get some girl to like me, first I gotta get her to look at me, right? Well, I found this obviously designed-by-a-genius backpack that will get you all the attention you want. And then some. Of course, it may make a few people not want to be around you, but that’s the chance you take when you get all famous. I mean, everyone who’s famous has a lot of haters out there. Don’t worry about them. Just wear this thing around school or around the mall and watch people’s reaction to you.

I found this picture at dangerousminds.conm. Yeah, it looks dangerous and scary and cool and awesome at the same time.

Check out this bad boy at the left. Who’s not going to have their eyes “bug out” when they see this? And it actually works as a backpack. You get to put your books right in the middle of a cockroach’s guts. How awesome is that? Just think how many girls will come up to you and want to walk by your side as you strut down the hall to your goldfish breeding class (or whatever class you might be going to). Many will probably want to pet your “friend” and put their hands inside him. Teachers might even ban you from class and you then you can sue them for infringing on your first amendment rights — that’s freedom of speech for any of you out there behind in your constitutional law — and then you might get on TV because of your strong stand for student rights and from there you might end up with your own TV show and be like Judge Judy, deciding who’s right and wrong in cases where students sue each other or their schools.

And yes, like I said, some people might get grossed out by this beautiful work of art. So what? They’re still paying attention to you. And there will be some — girls included — who think you’re pretty cool for daring to wear such a unique fashion statement. Aren’t those the type of friends you want?

From a guy who’s waiting for his order to come,
From a guy who’s waiting for his place in the sun,
Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Post #159 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

Well, here’s another way to prove how smart you are. I kind of like these tests ’cause most people I know can’t get them all right and they start arguing with me about the answers. (And anyone who knows me knows I love to argue.) But the answers are RIGHT, I promise you. This time you’ll find out how much (or how little) you know about basic grammar and spelling. Now this ain’t — and yeah, I know “ain’t” ain’t a word – a test that will have stuff like whether you need to use who or whom. That’s really hard for anybody. Naw, these are concepts that anyone over eight or nine should know about. And that’s because your third or fourth grade teacher taught you these things.

See how you do. Get out a sheet of paper and number to 10. (Remember to start with 1, not 0.) Put your answers down and then go to the answer page I link to at the bottom. Be honest though. No fair changing your answers after you see you’ve missed half them. These are just some of the mistakes I see people making all the time in class or in blogs or even in news articles written by adults. the last one really annoys me ‘cause if these grown-up writers can’t get these easy things right, why should I believe them when they talk about the harder stuff?

You ready, Eddie?

SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW GRAMMAR?
TEST #1
Created by Dr. Crankenfuss

First off, dudes, notice how “grammar” is spelled. Did you know that? If you did, you’ll probably do just fine on this test. Now let’s get going.

1. _____________ the smartest, coolest dude in the universe.
a. Your
b. You’r
c. You’re
d. Dr. Crankenfuss is

2. Sam says, “I want some ice cream.”
Then his sister Hortensia says, “I want some _______.”
a. to
b. too
c. two

3. I’m on the swim team. I have ___________ hundreds of laps this summer.
a. swum
b. swimmed
c. swam

4. It is a true fact that there are ___________ men in the United States than women.
a. fewer
b. less
c. fewest

5. There are two brothers who live in the same house. The two __________ bikes were stolen from their garage.
a. boys
b. boy’s
c. boys’

6. Dr. Crankenfuss probably has written more blog posts _______ most of you.
a. than
b. then

7. ______________ went to the mall.
a. Him and I
b. Him and me
c. He and me
d. He and I
e. He and myself

8. I can’t drive the car because ______ battery is dead.
a. its
b. it’s
c. its’

9. It is _______ late to go to the movie theater since it’s past midnight.
a. to
b. too
c. two

10. They gave the award to my sister and _____________.
a. myself
b. I
c. me
d. to Dr. Crankenfuss, of course

Now that you’re done, look over your answers and then click here to find out how you did. Ooh, I can see your head swelling with excitement from here.

And be sure to write me and tell me how easy or hard these were for you. I tried this out on three friends and only one of them got a 100. And sure enough, the other two wanted to argue with me that I was wrong. BUT THEY’RE THE WRONG ONES!

Anyway, spread the word and thanks for your visit.

Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss