All posts by daniel

A Poem about Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton

February 27, 2016 daniel Leave a comment

Okay, readers. Here’s another contribution from me for the Freaky Dude Books blog. This one has a bad word or two in it, so all you small children who frequent this site, be aware that your minds get get warped a little. But it’s about Presidential politics, so why would you even be looking at it. You’d rather be playing video games or eating your Girl Scout Cookies, right?

ONCE MORE INTO THE ABYSS
© 2016 by Daniel Berenson

The last Republican debate was a sight,
It reminded me of school kids in a fight,
Three grown men yelling at the same time,
But nothing said ’bout poverty, poisoned water, or crime.

Mr. Cruz and Mr. Carson invoke the Almighty,
But Mr. Trump’s taunts got their undies uptighty,
With all Donald’s talents we should be awed,
In his own humble words, he’s ’bout equal to God.

The Republican party might be falling apart,
The establishment’s tried to stop him, but Trump’s been too smart,
He draws huge crowds, and though his plans aren’t complex,
His fans don’t care; it’s the image he projects.

On the Democratic side, they’re much more polite,
Mr. Sanders fights hard but he’ll never cite
Ms. Clinton’s private server; when asked, he just shrugs,
Not to mention Clinton’s outfits, which look like rugs.

Clinton’s image is a problem; most people don’t trust her,
If she gets elected, it won’t be just her,
Democrats won’t admit it, but they’re afraid
That’s she’s still covering up all the times Bill’s got laid.

And Ol’ Bernie? He’s leading a populist coup,
But his programs sound too good to be true,
Free health care and college and jobs for all?
Our taxes’ll be higher than Donald Trump’s wall!

But Congress will do nothing. Son of a bitch!
They’re driving our country right into a ditch,
Our infrastructure’s dying, cracked pipes pour out waste,
At work or school we get guns pushed in our face.

And the country’s in camps, left and right,
There’s no middle ground; it’s black or it’s white,
Compromise has become a dirty word,
A proposal from Obama? ’Pubs give him the bird.

So it seems the election will be Clinton vs. Trump,
Once again the sheeple be taken for chumps,
And whoever wins this coming November,
The country will be polarized more than ever.

Freak Speak

Having Trouble Reaching your 10,000 Step Fitbit Goal? Here Are Some Handy Substitute Activities

February 8, 2016 daniel Leave a comment

Okay, dudes. It’s time for me (Daniel Berenson) to put up a post instead of Dr. Crankenfuss getting his usual turn. But don’t be concerned about the good doctor. He’ll be fine and he’s almost ready with his next entry. In the meantime, here is some sage advice for many of you adults: something that should take a load off your mind (if not your other body parts).

———————————————

10,000 STEPS! Let me repeat that impossibly high number: 10,000 STEPS! That’s what Fitbit and other similar devices tell us we’re supposed to take each and every day to maintain our fitness. 10,000 STEPS?? That’s a tough row to hoe for most of us, ain’t it? Many of us feel like giving up before we even start. But hey, aren’t there other activities that are worth a bunch of steps even if they’re not exactly steps. For example, when I get on a recumbent bike and do an hour of cycling, doesn’t that get any respect from Fitbit? Well, it should! Same thing for swimming and weight lifting, right?

Let’s get real. Most of us have like a zero chance of attaining our Fitbit goal if we have to rely solely on our legs. So, as a public service, I’ve come up with 12 activities that Fitbit creators may not have considered when they manufactured their guilt-inducing apparatus, but they use up plenty of energy and calories just the same. Use these to up your number of steps so you can soar to the Olympian heights that Fitbit dangles in front of you like a sweet piece of pizza. Hey, we might not all be runners or walkers but we all can take pride in our own unique forms of exercise.

So don’t despair if you aren’t into using your legs to move yourself around. Use these proven substitutes to help you reach that 10,000 step goal.

There’s more than one way to take a step.

Freak Speak

News is awful./ The world seems bleeped./ I’m usually cocky,/ But I’m feeling freaked.

December 16, 2014 daniel Leave a comment

Post #149 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

This is going to be one of those poetic posts, you know, where I express myself in verse. Kind of like Shakespeare but without the fame, fortune, or ability. But that never stopped me before. And the subject is like a Shakespeare tragedy. At least a lot of people are getting killed. Hamlet, put down that skull and listen to the doctor.

WHAT’S GOING ON SHOULDN’T BE
by Dr. Crankenfuss

I try to know what’s going on
And so I watch the news,
But what is happening lately
Gives me the deep dark blues.

I see Australian people held hostage,
Then a hundred kids in Pakistan are dead.
Our old pal Bill Cosby’s accused of rape.
The whole world’s been knocked on its head!

Lone wolves are stalking American streets,
Killers are escaping from jail,
I need to put on some body armor
Just to get our mail.

Seems no place is safe anymore,
But we’re supposed to forge ahead.
Not me. I’m playing it safe for now
Underneath my very own bed.

From your dude who’s trying to avoid disaster
By running into some nut carrying a Bushmaster,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Freak Speak

Ebola is not the worst/ Another germ will kill us first

November 19, 2014 daniel Leave a comment

Post #146 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

Ooh, I’m gonna get some hate on this one. That’s okay. I can take it, especially when I’m right. Now I’m not saying I want this to happen. I’m just saying that if we all use the same type of thinking that’s gone on with Ebola, this is what we should do.

Ebola had the whole country in a panic for a while. It was on TV all the time. You don’t hear much about it now. Thankfully there have been very few deaths and as far as I know, NOT ONE Ebola patient spread the disease to anyone aside from the nurses who were closely working with them. Not to their families, not to their friends, not to anyone who came near them. The doctors on TV must have been right. Ebola isn’t so easy to catch, unless you’re handling a patient’s vomit or diarrhea. (Sorry to be so gross.)

But everyone still wanted to quarantine anyone who’d even been to West Africa even if they weren’t showing any symptoms.

Fair enough. Maybe that plan helped. At least a lot of people would say it did.

But if we really want to save a lot of lives — and I mean A LOT OF LIVES — we should be quarantining a different group of people. At this website I read that 36,000 Americans die from FLU every year. 36,000?? OMG! And everyone knows it’s easy to catch the flu from somebody who has it. You don’t have to get near those “bodily fluids.” All that needs to happen is they cough or sneeze near you and BOOM, you could actually die!.

So couldn’t we save thousands of lives every year if we quarantined people who had the flu? Yeah, I know it would be practically impossible to make that happen, and people would riot if the government made it happen, but if it did, a lot of people would be alive next year who will definitely die from flu this year.

Think about it. In the meantime, my Mom made me get a flu shot.

From Dr. Crankenfuss,
a guy who’s just told ya’
how to fight a disease
that could be worse than Ebola

Freak Speak

Dr. Magic, the Rapping Puppet, Slams You with his Song about LOVE THUG

July 20, 2013 daniel 6 Comments

Dr. Magic doin' his magic thang. — Dr. Magic doin’ his magic thang.

Hey, everyone. It’s both Dr. Crankenfuss and Daniel here to show off Dr. Magic — he’s that dude at the left — in his awesome LOVE THUG RAP. First we posted this at Weekend Writing Warriors for their Sunday snippet. But hey, it’s for everyone!

It’s a hip hop musical salute to LOVE THUG, a novel by Daniel Berenson. Lyrics by Daniel, puppetry by HD-Flat Beats.

Just click here and you’ll be transported to Dr. Magic’s lab where he has some wicked cool words for you.

When you’re done, hit the BACK BUTTON if you want to make a comment here.

Thanks so much for checking Dr. Magic out. And while you’re here, take a tour of the rest of the Freaky Dude Books site (especially Dr. Crankenfuss’s blog since there’s nothing else out there like it).

Keep chillin’!
Daniel Berenson, Dr. Crankenfuss, and the other wackos at Freaky Dude Books