Humor Post #110 from the world’s Awesomest & Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School and YA Blog –
Those of you who read me regularly — and I know there must be millions of you — know that I’m smart (like DUH!) but that I also don’t think kids should have books at school. Oh, sure, they contain knowledge and facts and all that stuff. But they also break your back and get messed up within a couple years and then kids are still assigned those filthy things (germ-ridden with boogers hidden) for years to come. Tablets, iPads, Kindles, any e-reader would make way more sense. But lots of people, mostly adults, still don’t get how uncool AND UNHEALTHY books are. Yo, all you adults: Books are yesterday’s news. Heck, they’ve hardly changed since the printing press was invented in the 1400s. That means for over 500 years, they’ve made like ZERO progress. They’re still built exactly the same: a cover with lots of pages of print inside.
Let’s think of all the other stuff that hasn’t changed in over 500 years. How about medicine? Any doctor out there still splitting people’s heads open with an ax to get rid of the demons that are giving them headaches? I didn’t think so.
How about transportation? “Attention, all passengers scheduled to leave on Flight 875 from New York to Los Angeles. You all need to report instead to the nearby stables for your new rides.”
How about communication? “Hey, I have to get a message to Miguel in Spain right away.” “Okay, Tom, I’ll get the boat ready for a nice little voyage. Shouldn’t take us over three or four months. That’s assuming we can catch the right currents, of course.”
So how come adults still think we’re supposed to do things the same way with reading that they did back before Columbus’s time?
And now I have a new reason to get rid of books. They’re killing us. Don’t believe me? Read this brill poem and I think you’ll be singing a different tune real soon.
WHY BOOKS ARE KILLING US
(A Message to All Adults, Especially Teachers and Parents)
by Dr. Crankenfuss
The need for books
Is gettin’ pretty small
Adults still love ’em
But they’re no good at all.
To make all that paper
It takes lots of trees.
It’s better to NOT kill nature.
Can’t we all agree?
To get books from the printers
To stores requires trucks.
Trucks run on oil,
Which really kind of sucks
‘Cause oil leads to pollution
Which fouls up all the air
If we keep reading books
My lungs ain’t got a prayer.
IPads don’t kill trees;
Kindles don’t foul air.
Let’s get rid of books
And treat kids like you care.
I believe that says it all.
From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr Crankenfuss
Dr. crankenfuss, you are a hoot. Always putting a smile on my face with your quick witt and over the top poetry. This one makes for a great rap tune I believe.
You make a good point Dr Crankenfuss, and present a good argument. And I do agree with you, provided these electronic fangliflops don’t stop you reading!
Reading amazing literature takes you on fantastical adventures to places you may never get to; like Middle Earth! Especially great for nurturing imagination in young minds, which is vital for their future.
Books don’t run out of batteries, need electricity to charge them up, they survive a drop in the bath, don’t crack, don’t need updating, smell great, can be shared, resold & given as gifts.
Books aren’t just for school work or study, they’re for enjoyment and pleasure.
Oh, Dee. You make good points too. But if I had to be all fair and stuff, the poem would have to be a lot longer and I’d have to think a lot harder. And I don’t have that much time cause I have all that schoolwork to do (mostly because of books actually, but I guess I’d have the same amount with a tablet. It just wouldn’t weigh as much.) So I guess I’ll have to go with both for a while. In the meantime I’m hoping for that portable air conditioner that you can carry around in your pocket and it will make all the air within two inches of your body nice and cool. (See, it’s getting hot around here in North Carolina, not like where you are where it’s probably still all nice and zippy.)
Here’s where I rebel.
Kindle can still contain germs, fingerprints and “boogers”
Kindles can break and be more expensive to replace. Plus it still takes natural resources to make a kindle and ship them.
Perhaps a little of both would be a good thing. More kindles to save kiddies backs, fewer, but not no books, because I’m not ready to let go of books.
Hi, J.R.,
Thanks for sending me back your comment. I appreciate anyone who reads my stuff. I mean I’m 12 years old so you know how much we love attention. Anyway, I was writing you back but the note was getting so long, I decided to make a new post out of it. So give me till this afternoon and I’ll have a good answer for you. But right now, I have to get my daily fix of Dr. Phil. Man, that show is better than some of the summer movies out there. Talk about gruesome. I’m trying to write a poem about it. Anyway, thanks and check out my post tonight. Also, I’ll be nice here (to Daniel) and tell you to check out LOVE THUG at Amazon. He should like that. It really IS good, believe me.