Lance the Collie Ain’t Feelin’ Too Jolly

Lance_with_hair_on_porchHumor Post #118 from the Blog of The World’s Awesomest & Crankiest Middle School Curmudgeon, Dr. Crankenfuss
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No, this ain’t Dr. Crankenfuss at the left, guys. It’s Lance the Collie and he wanted to have his say, so I gave him this post. He needs your help bad. You tell ’em, Lance.

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Okay, here goes. Hey, my name is Lance Berenson and I live with Daniel. Many would call him my “owner” but as Dr. Crankenfuss would probably say, “I beg to differ.” He’s more like my enemy, at least right now. Read my poem and see who’s right and who’s wrong.

IT’S AIN’T FAIR, DAGNABBIT!
IT’S A NATURAL DOG HABIT!
by Lance the Collie

I got for you a shaggy dog story.
See me up there in my canine glory?
But I’ve been brought low and I ain’t to blame,
I’ve been saddled up with “The Cone of Shame.”

Lance_with_hair_on_porch
Do I look happy? My answer is NOT!
I’m lookin’ real stupid and my freedom’s shot,
I’m getting whacked by chairs and doors,
I’m writin’ APS; can’t take it no more.

Daniel tells me it’s for my health,
But all I was doin’ was lickin’ myself,
So I get hot spots and I’m a bit sore,
I can deal with that; I’ll just lick some more.

But Daniel carted me off to the vet
Who said this dumb coller’d be the end of it.
But it’s not right: life’s not the same,
I’m sulkin’ in the corner with my “Cone of Shame.”
Lance_with_hair_on_porch

I didn’t do nothin’; I was totally framed.
Help me get out of this “Cone of Shame.”

from Lance the Collie (who even appeared on YouTube here with my pal Rex and here doing a magic trick.)

Please leave your comments below. Maybe Daniel will listen. I doubt it, but I can pray for a miracle.

2 thoughts on “Lance the Collie Ain’t Feelin’ Too Jolly”

  1. It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! I’d certainly donate to this fantastic blog! I suppose for now i’ll settle for bookmarking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to brand new updates and will share this site with my Facebook group. Chat soon!

  2. Hae, thanks for the note. It’s nice to know some people appreciate the work I and Daniel do on this site. (I’ll let Lance know you were thinking of him too.) We’re way behind so if you don’t know yet, look on the right top side of this page and you’ll see that I, DR. CRANKENFUSS, have just put out two books. Humor books for guys! Jokes, cartoons, poems, a bunch of my rants, all sorts of good stuff. Of course, what was I supposed to do–put out a humor book for girls? They’re usually the ones who just shake their heads sadly at my jokes. Anyway, thanks again for spreading the word.

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