Post #3 from Kidlit’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Blog–

There’s one phrase that people use all the time that annoys the heck out of me. Actually there are a lot of phrases that bother me, including “Get lost, Crankenfuss, you dweeb.” That one’s a bit bothersome, I admit, but I’m talking about a different one. Suppose I go up to someone and just wanna know how they think about something, and I ask a question like, “Hey, you think the Cowboys are going to the Super Bowl this year?” Simple enough, no? I’m not putting them on trial, am I? So the guy answers, “Well, to be honest, I don’t think so.” Now why he’d have to go and say, “to be honest”? Wouldn’t I expect someone answering a simple question to be honest? As opposed to what? Lying through his grody teeth, like he usually does? I mean, if I ask, “Hey, what time is it?”, I don’t expect an answer like, “Well, to be honest with you, it’s two thirty.” I just don’t get it.

I see people on television talking like that all the time. Politicians, movie stars, tv chefs. My mom even says stuff like, “Frankly” or “Honestly” or “If you want my real opinion.” Why would I want your false opinion, Mom? Just sayin’. Honestly.

Post #2 from Kidlit’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Blog–

I don’t know if this is possible, but isn’t it time they retired the “Why’d the chicken cross the road?” joke? Maybe even give it a nice burial or something. I know you almost never hear it, except yesterday my next door neighbor – she’s six – told it to me. Gag! And I had to act like it was funny cause her mom was standing there. Who came up with this joke anyway? People – mainly old people – are always telling you how things were different when they grew up, how you didn’t have to lock your doors, how people had more respect for each other and so on. Yeah, yeah, yeah! Well, it wasn’t my generation that invented that stupid chicken joke. I mean, has anyone ever laughed at it? I asked my dad was there something I was missing and he said it was supposed to be clever because the answer is so obvious and you’re racking your brain trying to come up with a funny answer. Which it doesn’t have. So I asked him, “What’s green and needs mowing?” “Grass,” he says. Neither one of us laughed.

Exactly.

So let’s keep chickens out of jokes and put them where they belong – on our plates.

(Though I have to admit – rubber chickens can be pretty funny.)