Humor Post #94 from the world’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School Blog (and probably the awesomest YA blog too) –

What I’m about to tell you is actually old news, but I bet very few of you know about it. But of course that’s why you’re here, isn’t it? Why bother reading the news when ol’ Crankenfuss can keep you up to date. Good reasoning, I’d say.

Anyway, here’s the scoop: Canada is getting rid of the penny. No, silly, not just one of them. All of them. Here’s a link to the story in the New York Times. Just the first few paragraphs will give you enough of the picture.

Now any of you who’ve been reading me for a while know that I’m no big fan of how our money is put together. I realized this when I was trying to teach my little pal Jojo how to count money. And that experience kind of made me blow my top. In case you forgot, the whole sad experience is right here.

And now I just found this other article that makes me even madder. Go ahead, you can read it for yourself. Or here it is in short form. Our country is throwing away a penny for every penny we make! And it costs us ten cents just to make a nickel! Now I’m no business whiz, but those numbers are just wacked, aren’t they? How can we be wasting money like that?

But I’m not one just to complain about a problem. Well actually I usually am, but today I have a solution. Let’s get rid of the penny and while we’re at it, let’s get rid of the nickel. In their place, we can have — get ready for this — THE CRANKENCOIN. It’ll be worth 5 cents but it’ll cost next to nothing to produce cause we can make them out of old bottle caps. They can be had for zero and it’ll help recycling. I’ve even come up with a design for the coin. Here it is:

See, it’s all patriotic and stuff with the red, white, and blue, and it has the national symbol for awesome coolness — ME! It’ll probably be better to flatten out all the bottle caps so they’ll go in our pockets better, but hey, that’s not up to me. And the government could put whatever they want on the other side, maybe a president or someone even more important, like a rap star or Katy Perry or somebody like that.

So there you go. Another problem seen and solved by

Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss