Tag Archives: Freaky Dude Books

You think you know Sixth Grade Vocabulary? Try these onerous examples.

Post #163 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping middle school blogger–

Yo, peeps, I just wanted to put this out there. Thought you might be interested in trying the vocabulary test I had last week. Hey, it’s only sixth grade stuff. Certainly you can handle that, can’t you? You can add them in to your conversations with your family at dinner time or… well, just let me give you an example of how smart you can sound if you increase your vocabulary. “Hey, Mom, I got an A on my ERUCTATION test in Health Class,” you say. Wouldn’t a typical mom praise her young brainchild for this performance? Not if she found out that ERUCATION means BELCHING! (Actually that word WASN’T on our test. I just like it.)

Anyway here are 8 words from our test. You think you can outdo me? I doubt it. But then again, we had the words to study ahead of time.  But no matter what, your vocabulary is going get a real boost today!

Oh, yeah! That ONEROUS in the title means TROUBLESOME.

________________________________________________

DR. CRANKENFUSS’S SIXTH GRADE VOCABULARY TEST

1. “When it comes to homework, I’m lackadaisical.”
A. not dazed
B. very efficient
C. kind of lazy
D. someone who doesn’t have any daisies

2. “Am I going to win this boxing match? I don’t know but I sure am  feckless.”
A. incompetent
B. showing no fear
C. having not even one feck
D. skilled at fighting

3. “I got into a fight today at school. Afterwards I was unabashed.”
A. not able to stand up
B. not in good shape
C. not beat up
D. not embarrassed

4. “I’m not sure how I’m going to do on this test. I do have collywobbles.”
A. the answers to the questions
B. stomach cramps
C. a strong feeling of confidence
D. difficulty walking

5. “I want to eat more, but I can’t finish this food. It’s too piquant.”
A. spicy
B. bad-tasting
C. delicious
D. salty

6. “Hey, buddy, how about sticking this piece of pie in your piehole.”
A. a pie pan
B. mouth
C. a nasty word that basically means “ where the sun don’t shine”
D. pocket

7. “I have to admit that my best friend is a knave.”
A. a very smart person
B. a coward
C. a rascal or trickster
D. someone who tries to pick up girls

8. “At a British soccer match, you’ll usually find hooligans.”
A. soccer players
B. a kind of sausage sold at stadiums
C. fans of sports
D. thugs

 

________________________________________________

ANSWERS


1. C – lackadaisical = kind of lazy
2. A – feckless = incompetent, ineffective
3. D – unabashed = not embarrassed
4. B – collywobbles = stomach cramps (or fear)
5. A – piquant = spicy
6. B – piehole = mouth
7. C – knave = a rascal or trickster
8. D – hooligans = thugs

So how’d you do? If you got five or more right, that’s pretty good actually. These are pretty tricky and you didn’t get to study them ahead of time.

Well, that’s all I got for today. Have a great Christmas vacation.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

The best present ever: totally unique, ingenious (and maybe dangerous!)

Post #162 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping middle school blogger–

You know, this is the time of the year that’s very hard for some of us. We have to come up with ideas for presents for people and it’s hard to think of something that doesn’t seem kind of “ordinary.” (And in my case, cheap.) I mean, my Mom will act all happy because I gave her a new pair of socks, but it’s hard to believe she’s going, “Oh, what a wonderful present from my adoring and appreciative son!” Well, she probably IS thinking kind of like that because she’s a mother and that’s the way they think, but c’mon — a pair of socks makes her happy? I don’t mind telling you that a pair of socks doesn’t make ME happy (unless they’re filled with money or something equally awesome).

But I do have an idea for those of you who want to buy a totally unique present, one that will be remembered and talked about for years, maybe forever. (You’ll probably end up buying it for yourself instead of for someone else. That’s how good it is!) Now I know it’s kind of late for Hannukah, but there’s still time for Christmas and if you don’t get it this year, you can put in your order for next year. And you better get your order in soon, ’cause these babies are going to fly out of the warehouse faster than a bunch of boys out of a room where one of them has just emitted an “anal volcano” (if you know what I mean).

So here it is. Tell me if you’ve ever seen or even thought of something this cool.
Dr. Crankenfuss's Counterfeit Penny Machine
Yes, your eyes do not lie. This is a machine that can COUNTERFEIT PENNIES. Think of the many happy hours you’ll spend at the controls of this visionary masterpiece. All you have to do is put the zinc slugs into the machine and out pops as many pennies as you can count, right out of that slot just under the purple star-shaped controls. Think how amazed your friends will be to see you create money practically out of thin air (with the zinc slugs added, of course). You’ll feel as powerful as the United States Government. And yeah, I know some of you are probably thinking this is illegal, but hey, who’s it really going to hurt? Nobody, that’s who! And the pennies come out perfect so there will be no way to prove they’re not real. There are already like zillions of pennies out there so who’ll notice if there are a few thousand more?

(See, that’s where my real brilliance shows. If I counterfeited $100 bills, yeah, I’d more money at the beginning, but the FBI would be all over me like flies on dog poop as soon as some ratfink mentioned it to them. But it’s not worth their time to go after a penny counterfeiter, is it?)

“Okay, Crankfenfuss,” you’re probably saying. “This looks like a complicated machine. It can’t be cheap, can it?”

No it can’t. The price for this cutting-edge contraption is $10,000. And of course you have to buy a supply of zinc slugs and those will run you about a nickel each. But what’s money matter to someone who wants to be as cool and envied as you no doubt will be when you show off this Thomas Edison-type invention?

For those of you rarin’ to sign up, there is one disclaimer. These machines aren’t available yet because I’m still looking for financial backers and someone smart enough to show me how to make one of these. (The drawing above is just my plans for the thing.) But once they’re ready, I’ll put up another post with an order form and you can get READY TO RUMBLE. And oh yeah, I’m going to put a limit of two machines per customer and that’s only until my supply runs out, so you better be near the front of the line.

So next year will it be a box of chocolates or or maybe some flowers that’ll die within a week or will it be a machine that will catapult you to the peak of technological know-how?

The choice is yours.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Your mentor and inventor,
Dr. Crankenfuss

My new miracle pencil works! It’s a cure for those pencil-making jerks!!

Post #161 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping middle school blogger–

Ya know, sometimes the best solutions are the simplest ones. And Dr. Crankenfuss can be a real “simpleton,” as you all know. But this time my simple approach is going to change the world. I’VE INVENTED THE WORLD’S NEWEST AND BEST PENCIL. Why does the world need a Dr. Crankenfuss Miracle Pencil? Because the pencils we use now suck, that’s why? Look the picture below and you’ll see how a new pencil looks and how it looks after about two weeks (even less if you make as many mistakes as I do).
A new pencil and a pencil after two weeks

Yeah, you know what I mean. Those greedy pencil makers make their pencils so the eraser runs out way before the lead runs out. You ever try to erase a mistake with an eraser that’s gone? You try so hard to erase that mistake, but the remaining metal eraser holder puts a hole in your paper and then you have to turn in a crummy looking hole-filled assignment, something which does not make you look good when your teacher tries to grade your thoroughly-ruined masterpiece.

But Dr. Crankenfuss has a solution to this world-wide problem that will change everything. Look at my solution below and you’ll know immediately what I’m talking about.
Dr. Crankenfuss's new miracle pencil

Yes, indeedy! The Dr. Crankenfuss Miracle Pencil comes with an eraser just as long as the lead. That way your pencil is good to the last little bit. And to keep the eraser from breaking off, I’ve designed a central eraser core that is made of eraser material, only it’s tough and strong (like me) so the eraser will hold its shape and strength.

Now tell me this isn’t brilliant. Just try, bro!

Anyway, I’ve made this prototype but I don’t own a factory. I’m going to patent this sucker so I can get my just rewards for this invention, but in the meantime I’m looking for a (very smart) manufacturer that wants to make the world a better place (along with making a lot of money). Just send me an email through the Contact Us Button at the menu on top of this post. Or you can leave me a message underneath in the response area.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
With a new invention that’ll lighten your mood,
Dr. Crankenfuss

You want to create some world-class flack? Wear a cockroach on your back.

Post #160 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping middle school blogger–

Yo, do I have something for you today! Are you the type — like I am — who craves attention, you know like you want people to notice you? Yeah, before I get some girl to like me, first I gotta get her to look at me, right? Well, I found this obviously designed-by-a-genius backpack that will get you all the attention you want. And then some. Of course, it may make a few people not want to be around you, but that’s the chance you take when you get all famous. I mean, everyone who’s famous has a lot of haters out there. Don’t worry about them. Just wear this thing around school or around the mall and watch people’s reaction to you.

I found this picture at dangerousminds.conm. Yeah, it looks dangerous and scary and cool and awesome at the same time.
I found this picture at dangerousminds.conm. Yeah, it looks dangerous and scary and cool and awesome at the same time.

Check out this bad boy at the left. Who’s not going to have their eyes “bug out” when they see this? And it actually works as a backpack. You get to put your books right in the middle of a cockroach’s guts. How awesome is that? Just think how many girls will come up to you and want to walk by your side as you strut down the hall to your goldfish breeding class (or whatever class you might be going to). Many will probably want to pet your “friend” and put their hands inside him. Teachers might even ban you from class and you then you can sue them for infringing on your first amendment rights — that’s freedom of speech for any of you out there behind in your constitutional law — and then you might get on TV because of your strong stand for student rights and from there you might end up with your own TV show and be like Judge Judy, deciding who’s right and wrong in cases where students sue each other or their schools.

And yes, like I said, some people might get grossed out by this beautiful work of art. So what? They’re still paying attention to you. And there will be some — girls included — who think you’re pretty cool for daring to wear such a unique fashion statement. Aren’t those the type of friends you want?

From a guy who’s waiting for his order to come,
From a guy who’s waiting for his place in the sun,
Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW GRAMMAR?

Post #159 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

Well, here’s another way to prove how smart you are. I kind of like these tests ’cause most people I know can’t get them all right and they start arguing with me about the answers. (And anyone who knows me knows I love to argue.) But the answers are RIGHT, I promise you. This time you’ll find out how much (or how little) you know about basic grammar and spelling. Now this ain’t — and yeah, I know “ain’t” ain’t a word – a test that will have stuff like whether you need to use who or whom. That’s really hard for anybody. Naw, these are concepts that anyone over eight or nine should know about. And that’s because your third or fourth grade teacher taught you these things.

See how you do. Get out a sheet of paper and number to 10. (Remember to start with 1, not 0.) Put your answers down and then go to the answer page I link to at the bottom. Be honest though. No fair changing your answers after you see you’ve missed half them. These are just some of the mistakes I see people making all the time in class or in blogs or even in news articles written by adults. the last one really annoys me ‘cause if these grown-up writers can’t get these easy things right, why should I believe them when they talk about the harder stuff?

You ready, Eddie?

SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW GRAMMAR?
TEST #1
Created by Dr. Crankenfuss

First off, dudes, notice how “grammar” is spelled. Did you know that? If you did, you’ll probably do just fine on this test. Now let’s get going.

1. _____________ the smartest, coolest dude in the universe.
a. Your
b. You’r
c. You’re
d. Dr. Crankenfuss is

2. Sam says, “I want some ice cream.”
Then his sister Hortensia says, “I want some _______.”
a. to
b. too
c. two

3. I’m on the swim team. I have ___________ hundreds of laps this summer.
a. swum
b. swimmed
c. swam

4. It is a true fact that there are ___________ men in the United States than women.
a. fewer
b. less
c. fewest

5. There are two brothers who live in the same house. The two __________ bikes were stolen from their garage.
a. boys
b. boy’s
c. boys’

6. Dr. Crankenfuss probably has written more blog posts _______ most of you.
a. than
b. then

7. ______________ went to the mall.
a. Him and I
b. Him and me
c. He and me
d. He and I
e. He and myself

8. I can’t drive the car because ______ battery is dead.
a. its
b. it’s
c. its’

9. It is _______ late to go to the movie theater since it’s past midnight.
a. to
b. too
c. two

10. They gave the award to my sister and _____________.
a. myself
b. I
c. me
d. to Dr. Crankenfuss, of course

Now that you’re done, look over your answers and then click here to find out how you did. Ooh, I can see your head swelling with excitement from here.

And be sure to write me and tell me how easy or hard these were for you. I tried this out on three friends and only one of them got a 100. And sure enough, the other two wanted to argue with me that I was wrong. BUT THEY’RE THE WRONG ONES!

Anyway, spread the word and thanks for your visit.

Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss