Daniel Berenson here. If you’re looking for Dr. Crankenfuss, I’ve taken the liberty of moving him down the page today because it’s time for this week’s Sunday Snippet for Weekend Writing Warriors. Be sure to visit the Warrior site and look through all the contributions there. Some interesting stuff, to be sure.
The passage that follows is from FIREBUG, a published novel by Daniel Berenson of Freaky Dude Books.
Setting the scene: Eleven-year-old Curtis is playing with matches in his grandpa’s tool shed. He has just shot a lit match toward an open-mouthed jar. His aim is perfect. A direct hit.
The jar exploded into dust, and with it, the world.
The white blast enveloped Curtis, devouring him in pure, searing energy. Hot needles pierced his body and face and he went blind as he was blown backwards. He was somehow aware of electricity, light yellow dots slamming into him like Uncle Joe’s soldering iron, turning creamy liquid and soaking him in a rush of tweezers tearing at every pore in his skin. His body shrieked.
Time stretched thin and strong as spider silk, dragging him through black tunnels of razor wire slitting his every nerve. No thoughts… just pictures and pain, pain, pain without understanding… everywhere the feel of ground glass… power saws ripping through lips… electric piranhas… sparks of light piercing his eyes… there was something ahead of him… the house… the house was in front of him… now the ground… now the sky… his skin being ground between Indian arrowheads… the ground melting into his face… his nostrils filling with burnt meat… infinitely tiny bullets shooting into him everywhere… his hair… his hair?… HE WAS ON FIRE!
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Thank you and now it’s time for your usual host, Dr. Crankenfuss.
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Well, that was sure pleasant!
Thanks, Daniel. Now I’m really steamed! I’m trying to run a humor site for you and you post stuff like THAT? How can I top that? By jumping out the window? Hey, I could try that, seeing as how we’re on the first floor here. But it still wouldn’t be anywhere near as gross.
Man, after that intro, I think I’ll just fill all of you in on the news:
Daniel’s novel FIREBUG, the book where he got that piece at the top, is getting nice reviews at Amazon. There are only nine so far, but they’re almost all 4 or 5 stars. Daniel got a bit upset with the one 3 star review, but I helped him get over it by making him practice the karaoke number he’s doing tonight at a party. He’s singing, well, butchering Hard to Love by Lee Brice. After he saw and heard his performance on the computer, he felt a lot worse than he did after seeing that review. He’s trying to figure out how to create some kind of six-hour virus to get out of tonight.
Also he released LOVE THUG at Amazon last week and it already has a few reviews. Well, I exaggerate. Two, actually, but both of those guys bought the book at least. And both of them gave him 5 stars. I told him, “Daniel, books are like doctors. They take patience.” He tried to slap me for that one, but he got himself in the head instead. (Now that’s what you call an inside joke, people.)
Anyway, he’s still trying to give out a few review copies of both books in return for honest reviews. So if you know anyone who’s interested, after reading the sample of the book at Amazon, send him a message here and tell him how to get in contact with you.
Talk to you soon. But I hope it’s after a somewhat lighter piece of work than Daniel gave you today. I’m still a bit freaked out.
From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss
