Humor Post #60 from the world’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School Blog (and probably the awesomest YA blog too) –

Way back on March 14, I gave you some sixth grade algebra problems that our teacher was giving us to prepare for the EOGs (those standardized End-of-Grade Tests). These tests — They’re next week! Y-a-a-a-a-h! — are really important because they supposedly let the world know how smart we are, how good our teachers are, and how good our schools are. Well, maybe they tell you that stuff and maybe they don’t. I’d just like some adults, mainly the ones who make us take these things, to subject their brains to the same tests. You know, let them do the sweating for once. I don’t think the results would be very pretty. Kind of like a dog’s behind, if you know what I mean.

Now I knew it was bad, but I didn’t know how bad it really was till yesterday. See, I got sources deep inside the school system and they’ve been feeding me some valuable inside info. Actually they’re just a couple kids down the street who are in the fourth grade at a school near us. But they showed me the kind of stuff they have to do in class to get ready for their EOGs. As the TV Batman would say, “Holy hippopotamuses!” And I would say, “I feel for you, little dudes. These problems are harder than my head!” And baby, that is H-A-R-D! These stupid problems were ridiculous! How can anybody expect fourth graders to do these things? It’s like they think we’re in college or something!

Think I’m whining too much? That I’m being too much of a Crankenfuss?

Well then, you try ’em, wise guy! And remember, these things are meant for FOURTH GRADERS! I’m just giving you four little bitty questions. There were 12 on this homework sheet! Get ready for a lickin’ that’ll keep on stickin’, folks.

FOURTH GRADE EOG PRACTICE TEST QUESTIONS

1. Darius and Charlie are saving quarters. Darius saves 7 quarters for every 3 that Charlie saves. How many quarters will Charlie have saved when Darius has saved up 42 quarters?
a. 45
b. 21
c. 18
d. 35

2. Using these three pieces of information, which of the four answers is true?
Information Piece #1: R + R = K + R + K
Information Piece #2: R + K = G + G
Information Piece #3: R = 20
a. R < G b. R > K
c. K > G
d. G > R

3. What is the value of the expression 6 X 8 + 12 ÷ 2?
a. 30
b. 54
c. 60
d. 84

4. Ms. Jones wrote this expression on the white board: 27 – 5 X 4 + 6 =
Which operation should a person do first to find the value of the expression?
a. 27 – 5
b. 5 X 4
c. 4 + 6
d. 27 + 6

Had enough yet? As they like to say at Staples, “THAT WAS EASY!”

Click here to see how you did. But you might want to take an aspirin first. And let other people try these questions out. Maybe they’ll take some pity on us poor students and get teachers to give us some work that’s a teeny bit easier.

From the Dude who’s watchin’ out for all the kids out there,
Dr. Crankenfuss