No, no! Sign ME up!

November 7, 2011 crankenfuss Leave a comment

Post #7 from Kidlit’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Blog–

Hey, I’m not much of a 60 Minutes watcher — let’s face it, the youngest dude on that show can barely remember age 50 — but my Mom is and she was sad because their old commentator — and I do mean old, he was like 92 — died last week. His name was Andy Rooney and he was known for complaining all the time.

Remind you of anyone?

My Mom showed me this article from Patch.com by Michel Salt Horn to make that point. I’ll quote from the part that matters.

We’ll miss American’s favorite curmudgeon… 60 Minutes’ resident kvetch Andy Rooney died on Friday. He was 92 and worked right up until the end. He had one of the best and longest running jobs on television – or anywhere. He got paid for being perpetually perturbed, and he complained about almost everything.

Paid for being cranky? I’m actually qualified for this – sign me up!

EGGZAKLY!! (Now don’t go all emo on me and say I don’t know how to spell. That was intentional, dudes.) But you got the wrong guy in mind, Ms. Horn. It’s not you! I be da man for dis job!

So get in line, Ms. Horn. I think I’m probably more qualified than you since I’ve been told (many times) that I was a colicky baby so I’ve been kvetching — now that’s a cool word. I had to look it up. — since the day I was born. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course. Besides, I bet you couldn’t grow eyebrows like Mr. Rooney had. Like dude, ever hear of scissors? Or lawn mowers? You could’ve done ads for Miracle-Gro.

Anyway, I’m gonna do some research on YouTube about this Andy Rooney. If I find some really good rants, I’ll pass them on. He’ll probably get me more PO’d than usual. If that’s possible.

Are You Freaky Smart?

New Brain Blammer – November 4, 2011

November 4, 2011 admin Leave a comment

Brain Teaser, Riddle, Puzzle, IQ question, whatever you want to call this threat to your sanity, it’s a killer! Good luck!

A woman is driving down a black street in her black car, which has no headlights or parking lights on. The car’s windows are all closed. All the lights in the city — the streetlights, traffic lights, and building lights — have been knocked out by a power failure. A black dog is crossing the street just ahead of the car. Yet the woman stops her car just before she hits the dog. How is this possible?

Click here to find out the answer. (Note: This one fooled all three of us — Daniel, Maureen, and Dr. Crankenfuss — when we first tried it. Yes, even Dr. Crankenfuss. Which put him in an even fouler mood because he says he should’ve gotten it.)

Freak Speak

Too Much of a Bad Thing

November 3, 2011 crankenfuss Leave a comment

Post #6 from Kidlit’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Blog–

Okay, I’m in the middle of doing my Math homework. It’s pre-Algebra and it’s not that hard. Stuff like 3X – 15 = 60. (I can do ones like this in my head. It’s 25.) Now some are a bit harder, but nothing ol’ Crankenfuss can’t handle. Ha, but here’s the rub (whatever that means. We had it some Shakespeare piece we had to do.) Our teacher, who shall remain nameless here so I won’t get sued or anything — but you know who you are, don’t you, Mr. __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ ? — gave us 25 problems to do. THAT MAKES NO SENSE, DUDE! In my case, I get it, so why make me do 25 of them to prove it. Wouldn’t five or six be enough to show you what I can do? And what about those guys who don’t get it? Why give them 25? So they can miss all of them? Not so good for that old self-esteem, is it? Again, if they miss three out of three, even you would be able to figure out they need some extra help. So, lissen up, you mean Mr. Math teacher. Use that old noodle — and I DO mean old — and start doing the right thing. Don’t give us 25 problems when five makes W-A-A-A-A-Y more sense.

From your would-be and should-be adviser (if you can handle the truth),
Dr. Crankenfuss