children’s poetry | Freaky Dude Books

“Humor” Post #131 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger –

Woo-hoo! MY NEW BOOK IS OUT! I believe it’s the only joke book written by a kid for other kids. Think about that, would you. Can you think of any other book like that? I didn’t think so. (But if you know of one, please send me the info.)

Now there are way more than jokes in this thing. Just go under the book cover’s picture below to see some of the topics covered in the book.

Oh yeah, that cover. Well, here it is a few lines down. Not bad, eh? My book’s available at Amazon, Apple, and Barnes and Noble. (Click on any of those names and you’ll go straight to the book’s page.) And each place has a sample of the book so you can decide for yourself if you want to try it out. Oh, yeah, the cost? $2.99! That’s it. $2.99 for a giant dose of the Doctor!

If you think this cover is nice, check out the chapter headings below!

So here are some of the chapters in the book:
** Dr. C Rants about Spitting (very engrossing, or just very gross)
** Dr. C Rants about Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star (the dumbest song ever written)
** Amazing Mazes (I’ve given you some mazes that the smartest rat in our local psychology lab couldn’t figure out)
** The Fart Poem (Yes, you read that right. Be sure to put a clothes pin on your nose before you read it.)
** That’s Gotta Hurt (illustrations of situations that would humiliate you worse than you’ve ever been in your life)
** Good Student/Bad Student (two large pictures of students with labels to explain how you can tell which one is GOOD and which one is EVIL)
** The Nothing Page (a page with absolutely nothing that says a whole lot)
** Bad Wrap Rap (one of my favorite raps about that disgusting heavy plastic covering that covers many products)
** The Toughest Kind of School (a poem about the toughest school in the world)
** Optical Illusions (that will make your eyeballs come straight out of your head)

So how about checking out my book at one of the three bookstores above. Think about getting your own digital copy. And the book comes with over 70 full-color illustrations.

And I’m warning you now. I’ve already started on Volume II.

Thanks for listening.
From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Still Mad, but at least he’s an Author,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Humor Post #101 from the world’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School Blog (and probably the awesomest YA blog too) –

That’s a lie I put right above this line. That’s right, I’m admitting it. It says this is Humor Post #101. But this post doesn’t have any real humor in it. Actually none at all. But I have trouble enough keeping up with one set of posts so I called it #101. Hope you’ll forgive me.

Today I’m in my poem-writing philosophical mode. Kind of like Shakespeare, you know. That’s because I visited with Daniel after he had back surgery. How’s he doing? Well, it’s been three days since the surgery and he can now put on his own shoes, sit on the toilet all by himself (and get up afterwards), and get out of bed in under five minutes. I know what you’re thinking: What’s with Daniel? Is he like two years old or something? Nope, it’s just that’s how hard it is to move around after you have back surgery. But he’ll come out of it okay. And maybe this poem will cheer him up. He usually thinks I’m kinda dumb so I’m going to surprise him with what I learned.

A NOT-SO-SPECIAL LOOKING BUILDING
by Dr. Crankenfuss
(copyright 2013–All rights reserved)

There’s a big brick building in my town
Pass by it nearly every day
Never give it a second thought
Or listen to what it could say

But this place possesses magic
Now I see what its plain walls hide
I could learn so much studying it
There’s a whole world that lives inside

It’s a house of promise
A den of fear
You wouldn’t believe
How much happens here

It’s full of life
It deals with death
Some see for the first time
Some breathe their last breath

Emergency is constant
Crisis is the norm
All who check in
Want to go home

Cancer is tearing a family apart
A boy is waiting for a brand new heart
Everyone prays to their deity
But no one knows what their end will be

By now you know it’s our hospital
A place of hope, sometimes miracles
So don’t be fooled by a plain looking face
Inside there might be thrills, dreams, and grace.

From Your Dude with the new ‘Tude (I ain’t judging a book by its cover no more)
Dr. Crankenfuss