Humor Post #46 from the world’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School Blog (and probably the awesomest YA blog too) –

Now don’t get your shorts all bunched up over my title up there. I’m not talking about people for their looks or anything. Although I do have to admit that there are some people out there whose looks could use some improvement. Like in some instances, brushing your teeth would be a good start. I don’t especially like someone smiling at me and I can see what they had that morning for breakfast. Or who knows? Maybe it’s last week’s dinner. Whatever, I don’t need to know about it, okay?

No, what I’m talking about here is a matter of health and well-being, particularly mine. There’s this guy in one of my classes. Let’s just call him Dummkopf for convenience’s sake. So he shows up at school with a cold. Now that in itself isn’t a crime. Why should you stay home for a cold? Then I’d be like, “Aw, what’s da mattuh wittle guy? My wittle baby have a big bad cold? Aww, let mommy put you to bed now.” No, staying at home for a cold is kind of wussy, isn’t it? But I do have a small suggestion for ol’ Dummkopf. When you feel the need to sneeze, how about holding back on the snot parade, okay? I mean this guy lets it fly, like outta the park, you know? Once I got a nice hose down of fine spray. Now I’m on a death watch, worrying about what little killers he might have let loose into the atmosphere that are now probably breeding inside me. Not a pleasant thought.

I went on the web and found the evidence for what I’m talking about. This clip, is from the BBC and the narrator has a British accent so you know he’s gotta be smart. It’s not even a minute long, but I tell you — the last ten seconds will make you think twice about how you look when you don’t cover up your nasty sneezes in public. Talk about gross!

So here’s to covering your mouth when you sneeze — I’m talking about you, Dummkopf, and all the slobs like you — and here’s to my not coming down with flesh-eating viruses that might keep me from blogging all the stuff that keeps your life worth living. And if you can’t cover your mouth, please refer to the title. That would be at the top of this post, Stupidhead… excuse me, I mean Dummkopf. (Gotta keep it in its proper German, ya know. Makes him sound dumber that way.)

From your Dude with the ‘Tude,
your Scold Against Colds,
Dr. Crankenfuss