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Freak Speak

You think you know Sixth Grade Vocabulary? Try these onerous examples.

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Post #163 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping middle school blogger–

Yo, peeps, I just wanted to put this out there. Thought you might be interested in trying the vocabulary test I had last week. Hey, it’s only sixth grade stuff. Certainly you can handle that, can’t you? You can add them in to your conversations with your family at dinner time or… well, just let me give you an example of how smart you can sound if you increase your vocabulary. “Hey, Mom, I got an A on my ERUCTATION test in Health Class,” you say. Wouldn’t a typical mom praise her young brainchild for this performance? Not if she found out that ERUCATION means BELCHING! (Actually that word WASN’T on our test. I just like it.)

Anyway here are 8 words from our test. You think you can outdo me? I doubt it. But then again, we had the words to study ahead of time.  But no matter what, your vocabulary is going get a real boost today!

Oh, yeah! That ONEROUS in the title means TROUBLESOME.

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DR. CRANKENFUSS’S SIXTH GRADE VOCABULARY TEST

1. “When it comes to homework, I’m lackadaisical.”
A. not dazed
B. very efficient
C. kind of lazy
D. someone who doesn’t have any daisies

2. “Am I going to win this boxing match? I don’t know but I sure am  feckless.”
A. incompetent
B. showing no fear
C. having not even one feck
D. skilled at fighting

3. “I got into a fight today at school. Afterwards I was unabashed.”
A. not able to stand up
B. not in good shape
C. not beat up
D. not embarrassed

4. “I’m not sure how I’m going to do on this test. I do have collywobbles.”
A. the answers to the questions
B. stomach cramps
C. a strong feeling of confidence
D. difficulty walking

5. “I want to eat more, but I can’t finish this food. It’s too piquant.”
A. spicy
B. bad-tasting
C. delicious
D. salty

6. “Hey, buddy, how about sticking this piece of pie in your piehole.”
A. a pie pan
B. mouth
C. a nasty word that basically means “ where the sun don’t shine”
D. pocket

7. “I have to admit that my best friend is a knave.”
A. a very smart person
B. a coward
C. a rascal or trickster
D. someone who tries to pick up girls

8. “At a British soccer match, you’ll usually find hooligans.”
A. soccer players
B. a kind of sausage sold at stadiums
C. fans of sports
D. thugs

 

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ANSWERS


1. C – lackadaisical = kind of lazy
2. A – feckless = incompetent, ineffective
3. D – unabashed = not embarrassed
4. B – collywobbles = stomach cramps (or fear)
5. A – piquant = spicy
6. B – piehole = mouth
7. C – knave = a rascal or trickster
8. D – hooligans = thugs

So how’d you do? If you got five or more right, that’s pretty good actually. These are pretty tricky and you didn’t get to study them ahead of time.

Well, that’s all I got for today. Have a great Christmas vacation.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Freak Speak

It’s easier to read Spanish than it is to read Shakespeare! Here’s the proof.

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Post #157 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

Okay, our English class in in the middle of reading HAMLET. It’s by William Shakespeare, of course, and our teacher says HAMLET is generally considered to be the greatest work of literature in the English language.

Say wha-a-a-a-!!

Shouldn’t the greatest work of literature at least be understandable? And I’m not talking about for kids like me; I’m talking about for adults. I’ll show you what I’m talking about in a minute. Get your brain ready for some torture. In the meantime, I’ve written this little story for you. It will look kind of foreign, but do your best to figure out its main storyline.

Here it is. Don’t give up. Give it a couple of minutes.

Un elefante es un animal interesante y differente. Es fabuloso, pero LOCO. Un elefante conduce su carro como un maníaco, rápido y furioso. Pero este elefante es estúpido. Sufre un accidente, un accidente terrible. El carro es destruido, pero el elefante está bien. ¡Qué afortunado es este elefante!

Yes, I know it’s in a foreign language. It’s Spanish! But I bet you can still understand most of it even though IT’S NOT IN ENGLISH! If I tell you that the word “pero” means “but,” you might get almost every bit of it.

Here’s the exact translation:
An elephant is an interesting and different animal. It is fabulous, but CRAZY. An elephant is driving his car like a maniac, fast and furious. But this elephant is stupid. He suffers an accident, a terrible accident. The car is destroyed, but the elephant is okay. How fortunate is this elephant!

How’d you do? Pretty well, I bet, and remember you’re reading it in SPANISH.

Now try this passage from HAMLET. (It’s much longer, but hey it’s in ENGLISH – right? — so it shouldn’t be that bad. I’ll give you the setup: Hamlet has been kind of flirting with Ophelia, so here’s his advice to her. See how much you can figure out about what he’s saying. And please don’t give up. Remember, it IS in English!

For nature, crescent, does not grow alone
In thews and bulk, but, as this temple waxes,
The inward service of the mind and soul
Grows wide withal. Perhaps he loves you now,
And now no soil nor cautel doth besmirch
The virtue of his will, but you must fear.
His greatness weighed, his will is not his own,
For he himself is subject to his birth.
He may not, as unvalued persons do,
Carve for himself, for on his choice depends
The safety and health of this whole state.
And therefore must his choice be circumscribed
Unto the voice and yielding of that body
Whereof he is the head…

(If this isn’t enough for you, Laertes explains himself further, 20 more lines worth, with quite easily understood language like this:)

…Then if he says he loves you,
It fits your wisdom so far to believe it
As he in his particular act and place
May give his saying deed, which is no further
Than the main voice of Denmark goes withal.
Then weigh what loss your honor may sustain
If with too credent ear you list his songs,
Or lose your heart, or your chaste treasure open
To his unmastered importunity.
Fear it, Ophelia. Fear it, my dear sister,
And keep you in the rear of your affection,
Out of the shot and danger of desire.
The chariest maid is prodigal enough
If she unmask her beauty to the moon.
Virtue itself ’scapes not calumnious strokes.
The canker galls the infants of the spring
Too oft before their buttons be disclosed.
And in the morn and liquid dew of youth,
Contagious blastments are most imminent.
Be wary, then. Best safety lies in fear.
Youth to itself rebels, though none else near.

So???? How much of that did you get? I’ll give you the essential summary:
MAYBE HE LOVES YOU NOW, BUT BE CAREFUL, OPHELIA.

That’s about the sum of it. And yes, our teacher told us that “his will is not his own” means he’s going to be the King of Denmark so whatever decision he makes will affect the whole country, and a bunch of other stuff, but I didn’t get any of her extra explanations from reading it, only from her telling us. And even now, I can’t really explain like 80 or 90% of it.

Honestly, how much did YOU get? Hey, I bet you didn’t even read it all!! Too hard, wasn’t it? Which automatically makes it boring after a minute or two (for most of us anyway).

SO WHAT I’VE PROVEN TODAY IS THAT IT’S EASIER TO READ IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE THAN IT IS TO READ SOME OF THE STUFF THEY’RE GIVING MIDDLE SCHOOLERS NOWADAYS.

HELP!!

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
To whom disaster does befall
When he hears Shakespeare’s call,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Freak Speak

Multiple Choice Tests are Dumb, Dumb, Dumb!

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Post #133 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger –

It’s coming to that time of year when we’ll have to do all those multiple choice End-of-Grade tests. Not that I mind them that much since I usually do pretty well on them. But that doesn’t mean I have to think they’re any good for anything. In my opinion, they don’t show what you know. For most people they’re really a waste of time. Here’s why:

1. My teachers spend a bunch of time every year showing us how to “attack” the test. They call it “test-taking strategies.” Like being sure not to leave any questions out. By eliminating the worst answer or answers first so you have a better chance to get it right even if you have to guess a bit. Some say you should read a selection first. Others say you should look over the questions first so you’ll know what to be looking for. The trouble with all this is IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH LEARNING ANYTHING EXCEPT HOW TO TAKE THE TEST! It doesn’t teach you any Reading, Math, or Science– just how to take a test. Is that really education?

2. Since there are four answers for each question, you don’t even have to try in order to get 1/4 of them right. Well, you DO have to fill in the circles. Even a trained chicken could get 1/4 of them right according to probability. (The chicken could be taught to cluck once for A, twice for B, and so on and then a human could mark the chicken’s answer sheet for her.) But a chicken could never get a problem like 54 x 5 if it was a fill-in-the-blank answer. That’s because guessing has almost a zero chance to work unless you’re doing multiple-choice questions. Why do the test-makers reward wild guessing? How often does that work for you in real life? With fill-in-the-blank answers, a student really has to know how to work the problem or how to comprehend the passage. Isn’t that what’s supposed to be tested?

3. I think they use multiple choice tests because they’re cheap. I mean they can be graded by a machine. That’s way cheaper than hiring people to grade the tests. And that’s what you need for grading essays or anything that isn’t “fill in the right circle” kind of questions. There’s a machine in our principal’s office where teachers can scan multiple choice test forms. A teacher can “grade” 25 tests in like 5 minutes or less. That’s a lot easier than looking through a student’s work on a math problem. Maybe she almost got it right and only made one little mistake. That’s way better than guessing. But a machine would never know that. And therefore neither will the teacher.

4. And machine graded tests can never measure how creative you are. Or how hard you’re trying. Or how many different ways you tried to solve the problem. Or whether you show any leadership or not. Or whether you can work in a team to get a job done. THEY ARE VERY LIMITED.

I guess that’s enough for now. Except to say that if multiple choice tests are so great, why don’t they use them all over the world? We have a few students from other countries that I know or have classes with and they say they’ve never had to take MC tests where they come from. Most of them have to write out their answers or even speak their answers out loud to a group of teachers. (Like on an essay question.) Now THAT would show a lot more of what you know.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Who’s very tired of huffin’ and puffin’
Over tests that prove practically nuthin’,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Freak Speak

Think you can do 4th grade Math? Think again. Try these!

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Humor Post #124 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping Middle School blogger –

Okay, first things first. My Dr. Crankenfuss Puppet Video is almost finished and will come out soon. It is very cool. Promise!! And soon DOES mean soon. So keep checking back. After all, there’s nowhere else in the world that will have anything like a genuine Dr. Crankenfuss Puppet Video!

Now it’s back to what I promised you in the title. The last time I did this was in May of last year (2012), right before the EOG tests. Well, now that school’s started again, here are some more 4th grade Math problems that I found in a friend’s little brother’s Math book. I didn’t pick out the easy ones. What’s the fun in that? No, these are the ones that gave ME trouble (even though I’m in middle school)! But I got them right, I’m sure. And if you’re the first one to get them right, I’ll praise you to the skies on this blog and let everyone know how smart you are. (I may even convince Daniel to send you a free book of his.) Now you have to be 7th grade or younger to be eligible here. These aren’t too hard for a grownup. (Well, for some grownups anyway. BTW, that would be a cool thing to do. After you’ve done these, see if one of your parents could get them right. Or at least an older sister or brother. But it’s no fair if they help you.)

So here they come. AND NONE OF THEM ARE TRICK QUESTIONS.

1) What the greatest amount of money in coins you can have and still not be able to give exact change for a dollar? (Hint: it’s definitely over a dollar.) ____________ Now, name the coins you’d need to add up to that amount. _______________________________________________________________________________

2) There are six people at a dinner at a restaurant. If everybody shakes hands with each other once, how many handshakes will take place in all? (And like I said before, this isn’t a trick question. No fair saying someone shook two people’s hands at once, or stuff like that.)   _________ handshakes in all

3) If October 8th is on a Friday, on what day is December 8th? (Yes, it’s the same year!) ___________________________

4) Fill in the next number in this sequence: 0, 1, 4, 11, 26, _____

That’ll do it. Piece of cake, no? I didn’t think so. Man, if fourth graders can do these, they’re in the wrong grade. Hey, they’re probably in the wrong school! Now I’m not posting the answers yet. I’ll wait till someone gets them all right. (I may have to throw in a hint or two if people are having trouble.) So put on your little beanie with the propeller on it and get to work. Send it to me by replying to this post and I’ll publish your answers. You have nothing to lose but your pride.

Talk to you soon.

From your Dude with the ‘Tude (and a tired brain from doing these problems),
Dr. Crankenfuss

Freak Speak

-DIS makes no sense! So I’m gonna dis it.

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Humor Post #65 from the world’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School Blog (and probably the awesomest YA blog too) –

Question: Why do so many people have trouble reading?
Answer: Because English is messed up, that’s why. If it made more sense, people wouldn’t get so mixed up.

Here’s a total screw-up I figured out all on my own. Just by thinking, you know. And I’m just a kid. So there must be gajillions of other things I haven’t even noticed yet.

We’re working on prefixes in English class and there’s a bunch of them that mean “no” or “opposite of.” Like -un, -im, -in, -non, and -dis. I think you know pretty much what I’m talking about. Our teacher says knowing these prefixes will help us on those standardized tests they give us all the time. But I had to ask about -dis in class last week and my teacher couldn’t really answer me. So I’ll ask you.

-DIS — Like disrespect is the opposite of respect, like dislike means to not like, like dishonest means not honest. Easy, huh?

But I thought of a couple that make NO SENSE! Now how are we supposed to do gooder in school if English is such a wreck. (And yes, that was supposed to be funny. Epic fail, huh? So what’s new?)

Here they are:
The wind is gusting.
The wind is disgusting.
Huh? I don’t think the second sentence means the opposite of the first.

Or how about this?
She’s stressed.
She’s distressed.
Huh? again. This time both sentences mean the same thing. Here –dis is a prefix that means absolutely nothing. Must be there for decoration, I guess.

Like I said, I asked about these in class, but my teacher didn’t have a good answer for me. At least she seemed interested and said she’d look it up. I’m not sure anyone else noticed because most people weren’t paying much attention. That’s because prefixes aren’t the most exciting thing for most people. More people listened to me at the beginning of the lesson when I tried to be my usual brilliant self. The teacher asked someone to give a sentence that used disperse. So I raised my hand and said, “Dis purse is made of leather so it costs a lot.” At least I got a few groans and the teacher gave one of her “Oh, please” looks so I guess that counts as a success.

So anyway, getting back to the “disgusting” and “distressing” examples from above, it takes Dr. Crankenfuss once again to point out why American kids have such a hard time in school. It’s not our fault. It’s English’s fault. Why don’t they fix it? One of these days, they’ll hire you-know-who to fix the world and everyone’ll have it a lot easier.

But till then, keep checking her for beautiful pearls of wisdom from Dr. Crankenfuss,
The Dude with the ‘Tude