Tag Archives: humor

End-Of-Grade Tests Are a Big, Giant Mess

Post #137 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger –

Today, I’m kind of steamed, just like my picture at the left shows me. Hey, I know that’s not unusual, but it’s just that I actually like to learn stuff and sometimes that learning actually takes place at school. It really does. But not lately. Our math and English teachers keep giving us these practice tests for the EOG tests, (That’s End-of-Grade Tests, where they supposedly measure how much we’ve learned.) But we’re not learning anything from these practice tests except how to take the tests. Hey, I already know how to take the tests. Yeah, it might help some students. If they listened. But I don’t think they are.

Anyway, I put it all into a poem. I didn’t learn anything from the poem — me being the author and all — but maybe it’ll get my idea across better.

STOP MESSING WITH OUR TESTING
by Dr. Crankenfuss


It’s getting near that time of year
When schools try to measure our progress,
But the method they use just gives us the blues.
It’s not accurate; it’s really just dog mess.

What makes someone smart? What sets us apart?
They ought to give us some problems,
Then examine our thinking, be it amped or stinking,
And see if we’re able to solve them.

Instead they give us a multiple choice test,
They don’t even know if we’ve read it,
We can just have a fling, fill in anything,
And we’re sure to get partial credit.

What about assessing our creativity,
Or gauging our determination?
Spotting leadership ability,
Or skills in communication?

Schools know how important test results are,
How they affect our hopes and dreams,
So who do they put in charge of our future?
A bunch of grading machines.

These tests hurt kids; they get discouraged,
And then our schools can lose them.
If the tests are so great, why are we
The only country to use them?

We all want to learn, so please engage us,
Don’t just “teach to the test.”
If machines are to be our evaluators,
How can we achieve success?

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Vitamins and soaps are only for dopes/ But don’t go too far in raising your hopes

Humor Post #130 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger –

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE FROM DR. CRANKENFUSS! I hope your year will be way less cranky than mine. Why would a first class party pooper say that? First off, I don’t want too many clones out there or else I won’t be so unique. Second off, crankiness really isn’t that much fun (though it IS necessary at times) so I hope you’re happy most of the time and that good things happen to you. But don’t forget to check in to this blog so you’ll see why YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN ANGRY OR ANNOYED at the bad doings out there.

See, that’s my job, you know. Well, actually I have 3 jobs. #1 is to make you mad at things that suck lemons, things that are like spinach between your teeth, things that should go back to the sewer they came from.

#2 is to give props to some people or things that really deserve them (besides me, of course).

And #3 is to make you laugh or at least smile.

So today I’m commenting about big news that came out a few weeks ago. I kind of said it in the title but here’s a headline I found from Morning Joe, and he has his own TV show  and that means it must be important, right? And after that, I wrote a poem about the issue.

I promise you: YOU WON’T FIND A POEM LIKE THIS ANYWHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD!

Avoid vitamins and some soapsTHE ECSTASY AND THE AGONY
by Dr. Crankenfuss

A victory for us!
Kids, stay strong!
Adults once again
Have been proven wrong.

All I can say
Is thanks and amen.
I’ll never have to take
Another vitamin.

Docs say they don’t
Do anything
‘Cept make some stores’
Cash registers ring.

And that’s not all.
This is so dope!
There’s 3 strikes against
Anti-bacterial soap.

I wonder what’s next.
Nobody knows.
They’ll probably conclude
We don’t need clothes.

After that nutritionists
Will probably teach ya’
Nature’s perfect food
Is pepperoni pizza.

The world will be different:
We’ll all be nude,
We’ll never take baths,
But we’ll eat great food.

Sounds good so far
With lots of drama,
That is until
I see my naked mama!

It’ll be out of control!
Maybe we should begin
To take another look
At soap and vitamins.

********************

Not too shabby, eh?
And on top of that — well, underneath that really — there’s even some big news I have!
Within a few days, my first book will be published:
DR. CRANKENFUSS’S HUMOR BOOK FOR GUYS!!
More on that real soon.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Is it Xbox One or PlayStation 4? Which one should I ask for?

Humor Post #128 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping Middle School blogger –

Today I’m going to tell you a story. It’s how I tried to get either an Xbox One or a PlayStation 4. They both seem kind of awesome so I’d be satisfied with either one. Maybe my mom will go along, I thought. After all, I AM her only son. And it IS holiday time. Wouldn’t a mom want to please her only son?

What happened is detailed below. In all its gory details.

WHICH PRESENT DO I DESERVE TO GET?
I’M SURE MY MOM WILL BE FINE WITH IT
by Dr. Crankenfuss

In case you haven’t noticed
There’s a world wide war
It’s the forces of the Xbox
Vs. PS 4

It’s hard to stay cool
Or reach your gaming goals
When all you got goin’
Is an old console

You can’t miss those ads
They’re on all the sports
Makes me kinda feel like
My life is falling short

Don’t wanna be out the loop
Don’t wanna be out of touch
But why’d they have to make
Those darned things cost so much?

I told my mom I love her
But I’d love her even more.
If she would just shell out
For a PlayStation 4

She didn’t appreciate my comments
So I promised to sacrifice
“I won’t complain anymore,” I said.
“I promise to be nice.”

That made her start to laugh so hard
She held her sides in pain
I knew my case was hopeless
I didn’t ask again

But I learned a valuable lesson
Don’t talk too much smack
Don’t make promises you can’t keep
You’ll give your mom a heart attack

I decided I shouldn’t be greedy
And not ask for too much
I’ll just concentrate on moving up levels
In the free app — Candy Crush

From Your Dude with the Selfish ‘Tude (who learned his lesson),
Dr. Crankenfuss

CHICKEN NUGGETS?? FUGGEDABOUTIT!!

Humor Post #127 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping Middle School blogger –

I don’t mind tellin’ you. I love those chicken nuggets. Don’t matter which place they come from: Bojangles, McDonalds, Burger King, wherever, whatever, they’re good! Until now. It seems this science professor down in Mississippi analyzed those little boogers from two “major chains” (he didn’t say which ones) and found out some info I could have done without. Here’s my reaction. In a poem, natch.

WITH THESE CHICKEN BITS
I SHOULD CALL IT QUITS
by Dr. Crankenfuss

When I’m watching TV or just hanging out
And I wanna have a party in my mouth,
There ain’t a snack quite as kickin’
As a pack of nuggets made from chicken.

I settle in and take a bite;
Those chicken morsels are out of sight.
I hope I don’t sound like a big, fat lummox
But those things are phat for tongues and stomachs.

So now I read some doc’s analysis
That gave my gut instant paralysis.
He found what’s in a nugget of chicken.
Ain’t much better than an average nose pickin’.

There WAS some meat, Whew!
But lots of other stuff too
Like fat and gristle,
An occasional blood vessel,
Nerves and dead skin.
Are you still listenin?
I could have read more
But my stomach was too sore.

So after all the facts I’ve just cited,
Here’s what I’ve seriously decided:
There should be some parts of a chicken
That on my plate should be forbidden.
I shouldn’t be afraid I’ll kick the bucket
From chowin’ down on a chicken nugget.
So I think those chains really should
Not make those things taste so good.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

My New Music Video Is At YouTube — NO COMPLAINTS FROM ME

drcrankenfuss-happy-260x300Humor Post #127 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping Middle School blogger –

First things first. You can see my new rap video — I’M GONNA BE A HIP HOP STAR — by clicking here. Be sure to put it on full screen ’cause Daniel got the HD part working great.

Now check out that title at the top of this post. Amazing, isn’t it? No, not that I have a new rap video online. Hey, there’ll be more of those comin’ for sure. Nah, it’s the second part of the title that’s so amazing. I’m totally satisfied with it. No joke! Hey, even my picture (at the left) is different. See that smile on my face? Okay, so I have a hard time smiling. It’s not easy for a grouch like me to get all slappy-happy, okay. But I’m working on it.

Major props to Daniel for his work on this video. Couldn’t have done it without you, DB. Actually, I probably couldn’t have done any of it. I guess I’m sorry for pushing you so hard on this, bro, but hey, it’s my star vehicle, ya know. It was kind of hard for me to stay all cool and laid back about it. I hate to admit it, but I’m just a little bit self-centered. But a lot of you have figured that out already, haven’t you?

Except for the video, not much to say today. That’s ’cause I gotta get back to working on my book. Yeah, that’s right — A BOOK! Right now, I’m thinking the title should be DR. CRANKENFUSS IS TICKED OFF AND HE AIN’T TAKIN’ IT NO MORE! but who knows, I may end up having one of my bango-smasho brainstorms and it’ll change. It will have some of my posts — the best ones, of course — and a bunch of jokes and cartoons Daniel and I are working on. I’m thinking a month should be enough, but as long as we get it out by mid December, I’m fine with that.

Actually, that’s it. Not much humor today, but hey, I’ve been kind of tied up. Okay, how’s this for something not about me?

You know those”World’s Strongest Man” contests on TV. Well I have an event that would be a killer for those guys: Prying apart two shopping carts that are stuck together.

There you go. Now I can still officially call this another humor post.

From your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss