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CHICKEN NUGGETS?? FUGGEDABOUTIT!!

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Humor Post #127 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping Middle School blogger –

I don’t mind tellin’ you. I love those chicken nuggets. Don’t matter which place they come from: Bojangles, McDonalds, Burger King, wherever, whatever, they’re good! Until now. It seems this science professor down in Mississippi analyzed those little boogers from two “major chains” (he didn’t say which ones) and found out some info I could have done without. Here’s my reaction. In a poem, natch.

WITH THESE CHICKEN BITS
I SHOULD CALL IT QUITS
by Dr. Crankenfuss

When I’m watching TV or just hanging out
And I wanna have a party in my mouth,
There ain’t a snack quite as kickin’
As a pack of nuggets made from chicken.

I settle in and take a bite;
Those chicken morsels are out of sight.
I hope I don’t sound like a big, fat lummox
But those things are phat for tongues and stomachs.

So now I read some doc’s analysis
That gave my gut instant paralysis.
He found what’s in a nugget of chicken.
Ain’t much better than an average nose pickin’.

There WAS some meat, Whew!
But lots of other stuff too
Like fat and gristle,
An occasional blood vessel,
Nerves and dead skin.
Are you still listenin?
I could have read more
But my stomach was too sore.

So after all the facts I’ve just cited,
Here’s what I’ve seriously decided:
There should be some parts of a chicken
That on my plate should be forbidden.
I shouldn’t be afraid I’ll kick the bucket
From chowin’ down on a chicken nugget.
So I think those chains really should
Not make those things taste so good.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

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Post #7 from Kidlit’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Blog–

Hey, I’m not much of a 60 Minutes watcher — let’s face it, the youngest dude on that show can barely remember age 50 — but my Mom is and she was sad because their old commentator — and I do mean old, he was like 92 — died last week. His name was Andy Rooney and he was known for complaining all the time.

Remind you of anyone?

My Mom showed me this article from Patch.com by Michel Salt Horn to make that point. I’ll quote from the part that matters.

We’ll miss American’s favorite curmudgeon… 60 Minutes’ resident kvetch Andy Rooney died on Friday. He was 92 and worked right up until the end. He had one of the best and longest running jobs on television – or anywhere. He got paid for being perpetually perturbed, and he complained about almost everything.

Paid for being cranky? I’m actually qualified for this – sign me up!

EGGZAKLY!! (Now don’t go all emo on me and say I don’t know how to spell. That was intentional, dudes.) But you got the wrong guy in mind, Ms. Horn. It’s not you! I be da man for dis job!

So get in line, Ms. Horn. I think I’m probably more qualified than you since I’ve been told (many times) that I was a colicky baby so I’ve been kvetching — now that’s a cool word. I had to look it up. — since the day I was born. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course. Besides, I bet you couldn’t grow eyebrows like Mr. Rooney had. Like dude, ever hear of scissors? Or lawn mowers? You could’ve done ads for Miracle-Gro.

Anyway, I’m gonna do some research on YouTube about this Andy Rooney. If I find some really good rants, I’ll pass them on. He’ll probably get me more PO’d than usual. If that’s possible.