post office | Freaky Dude Books

Humor Post #77 from the world’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School Blog (and probably the awesomest YA blog too) –

Last post I had something nice to say. For once. I said I liked my mailman even though I thought his job wasn’t long for this world. Well, I changed my mind. That’s what I get for being nice. Oh, my mailman’s still okay. Unless they move his job to behind the counter at the post office. Then I won’t like him anymore.

“Huh?” you’re saying (and not quietly either). Let me explain. I wanted to send a few CDs I’d made to my cousin yesterday so I got my mom to take me to the post office cause they have those padded kinds of envelopes I needed. So I get the package, which costs $1.79. Sounds fair. Everything’s copacetic so far. I write the address and all that on the package, stick in the CDs, and I’m set to go. I get up to the guy behind the counter, he weighs the package, and I pay him for the stamps. Still everything’s just fine and dandy.

Then I ask him to put an extra piece of tape on the flap of the envelope to make sure the CDs don’t fall out, you know. No big deal, I think, and better safe than sorry and all that. Well, it turns out it IS a big deal. “You didn’t send your package priority mail so we can’t give you any tape,” the guy says.

Are you kidding me? A lousy piece of tape? What’s it gotta cost the post office — maybe half a cent? I just gave the guy like four bucks for my stuff and this is the gentle kindness I receive. I asked him again about it and he said again that if I sent the package priority mail, he’d put a piece of tape on it. But that would cost me extra, like way more than half a cent extra. Sure, it would get there a couple days earlier but hey, my cousin’s getting the music for free. He doesn’t even know he’s getting it since it’s a surprise. What’s he care if it comes in two days or five days?

So I know the post office is in trouble and all that, but saving your precious pieces of tape ain’t gonna solve the problem, bro’. I just hope that package doesn’t break open or I might have to find a lawyer. One that specializes in kids that would look sweet and sympathetic on the news.

So, ol’ Crankenfuss still likes his mailman. It’s just that he doesn’t feel so bad about the post office being in trouble anymore.

So all of you out there, stay strong, stay smart, and plan ahead if you’re sending any packages at the post office. Bring your own tape.

Have a good day/week/month/year/life.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Humor Post #76 from the world’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School Blog (and probably the awesomest YA blog too) –

I like my mailman. He’s a nice guy. He always has a smile and a friendly hello for me when I happen to be walking my dog (which isn’t nearly often enough, my mom keeps telling me). He doesn’t try to run me down or anything and I gotta give him props for that, you know.

But he’s still going to lose his job.

There’s this old saying that goes something like, “Neither rain nor snow nor mean dogs or anything else will keep the postman from delivering the mail.” And that’s pretty much true. But the saying doesn’t mention anything about the fact that almost nobody uses mail anymore to send stuff. I know, I’m exaggerating a bit here. The Crank does that sometimes. But think about it. Thanks to texting or emails, when’s the last time you actually wrote someone a letter? When’s the last time one of your parents wrote anybody a letter? I’m not talking about greeting cards. That’s the main kind of “letter” the post office delivers now. Yeah, they carry a lot of packages too. But Fed Ex and UPS and some others I can’t think of right now do the same thing. If it wasn’t for magazines — especially my favorite, Sports Illustrated — we could almost get along without our mailman. Mostly he brings us junk mail like advertising stuff from grocery stores and department stores and catalogues. I know some people like that stuff, but that’s just not enough to keep a business going. It’s kind of like those Indians that used to hold the important job in their tribe of sending out smoke signals. A while back that was a super cool job, I’m sure. Well, what happened to them?

Another job that I wouldn’t recommend someone to have for their career is being a bank teller. My mom just scanned a check yesterday afternoon and her bank deposited it in her account by 8:00 last night. She was like all happy and she said, “Now I won’t have to go to the bank. Think how much time that’ll save me from now on.” If I was a bank teller, I’d be listening to my mom. That’s kind of like your doctor telling you you have a heart murmur and maybe you should cut back on the cigarettes and double fries.

Anyway, it’s not my fault all this is happening. All I do is look around and see it.

Sorry for the bad news, Mr. Mailman and Ms. Bank Teller, but ol’ Crankenfuss is just trying to give you a thumbs up. In the meantime I gotta think of a new career path for myself. My old idea of being a spittoon cleaner ain’t looking so smart anymore.

Have a great day, people.

From your man with the message,
Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss