school | Freaky Dude Books

Post #160 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping middle school blogger–

Yo, do I have something for you today! Are you the type — like I am — who craves attention, you know like you want people to notice you? Yeah, before I get some girl to like me, first I gotta get her to look at me, right? Well, I found this obviously designed-by-a-genius backpack that will get you all the attention you want. And then some. Of course, it may make a few people not want to be around you, but that’s the chance you take when you get all famous. I mean, everyone who’s famous has a lot of haters out there. Don’t worry about them. Just wear this thing around school or around the mall and watch people’s reaction to you.

I found this picture at dangerousminds.conm. Yeah, it looks dangerous and scary and cool and awesome at the same time.

Check out this bad boy at the left. Who’s not going to have their eyes “bug out” when they see this? And it actually works as a backpack. You get to put your books right in the middle of a cockroach’s guts. How awesome is that? Just think how many girls will come up to you and want to walk by your side as you strut down the hall to your goldfish breeding class (or whatever class you might be going to). Many will probably want to pet your “friend” and put their hands inside him. Teachers might even ban you from class and you then you can sue them for infringing on your first amendment rights — that’s freedom of speech for any of you out there behind in your constitutional law — and then you might get on TV because of your strong stand for student rights and from there you might end up with your own TV show and be like Judge Judy, deciding who’s right and wrong in cases where students sue each other or their schools.

And yes, like I said, some people might get grossed out by this beautiful work of art. So what? They’re still paying attention to you. And there will be some — girls included — who think you’re pretty cool for daring to wear such a unique fashion statement. Aren’t those the type of friends you want?

From a guy who’s waiting for his order to come,
From a guy who’s waiting for his place in the sun,
Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Humor Post #103 from the world’s Awesomest & Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School and YA Blog –

ODE TO SPRING (ME OUTTA HERE!)

Learnin’ my math
And ABC’s
But nuthin much matters
No more to me
Feelin’ kind of blah
No dedication
But I think I know
The explanation.

I look outside
Blue skies, trees green
Sittin’ in class
Seems kinda obscene
This ain‘t no place
For a true freaky dude
Didn’t we outlaw
Involuntary servitude?

Feelin’ all tied up
And listless… yeah, true!
You heard of spring fever?
Well I got spring FLU!
As the Crank, I seek da truth
My doubting questions never end
But now I’m only askin’,
“When is school gonna end?”

Ain’t seven months of hard labor
Enough for any young soul?
Shouldn’t they be showin’ us Heaven
‘Stead of keepin’ us here in this hole?
Nature is tellin’ us somethin’
The worms go to the first birdie
Maybe we could fly like eagles
If you’d only stop school early

I ain’t got nuthin left
My energy’s worn to the bone
The second I walk in here
Is the instant I wanna go home
My brain is full to the max
You been crammin’ my head full of knowledge
I’m only finishin’ sixth grade
Feels like I’m ready to graduate college

So give a young man a break
Show him you really care
Announce, “We know it’s only April
But we’re lettin’ you outta here.”
You’ll be my hero, my idol,
My bestest forever friend
Just lissen to a student’s prayer
And let this school year end

I promise to be a good boy
Just let this school year end

Don’t make me throw a hissy fit now
Just let this school year end!

From Your Totally Worn Out, Wasted, and Washed Up Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss