Tag Archives: YA blog

Freak Speak

This post is for people who like math AND Italian food

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Humor Post #88 from the world’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School Blog (and probably the awesomest YA blog too) –

I didn’t make this up, but it’s too good not to pass on.

If “a” is the area of a circle, and “z” is the radius…

well, then,
pi * z * z = a

(Remember, if you’ve forgotten your middle school math, an asterisk means TIMES.)

That’s it, the shortest post by Crankenfuss ever.

You can stop your cheering now.

Oh yeah, BTW, Daniel’s new books are now out at Apple and B&N. Should be on Amazon this week. Two Moose Joke Books and a literary novel released in the same month! Woo hoo!

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Freak Speak

Google Glass is where it’s at and where it’ll be

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Humor Post #87from the world’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School Blog (and probably the awesomest YA blog too) –

Oh yes, the future is here now. Can’t wait to get my Google Glass. I’ve written about it before but here’s a video (from Google) that shows how it’ll work:

See it’ll do everything a smart phone does, but it’ll be smarter cause you don’t have to keep anything in your pocket and you won’t have to look down all the time to check out, for example, how many people have unfriended you on Facebook today.

And yeah, they do look a little dorky, I guess, but by the time they get big, dorky will definitely be where it’s at. And just like eyeglasses led to contacts, maybe Google Glass will lead to Googletacts (thought Googletax looks cooler in print, doncha think?)

It’s too bad I probably won’t be able to afford these things for awhile. I’m having a hard srounging up burger money lately. But in tech, everything gets cheaper every year so maybe by the time I’m 18 or so, these will be like everywhere.

Yeah, I know it’s unusual to see Crankenfuss positive about something. But it’s hard not to get all wound up about this. And it’s definitely more fun than doing homework. Which I keep putting off. Ye-c-c-h-h!

Till later.

Your Dude with the’Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Freak Speak

Truckee, California? Really? Ooh, Ima make me some money!

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Humor Post #84 from the world’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School Blog (and probably the awesomest YA blog too) –

I was watching the news the other night — Hey, don’t laugh. That’s how I keep on my intellectual toes — and they were talking about flooding problems they were having in this place called Truckee, California. And I was thinking — again, hey don’t laugh! — what kind of name is Truckee? Is it like there were a lot of guys with trucks who lived near each other and they wanted to start a town so they named it Truckee? Does that mean there’s another place named for cars?

And then it hit me.

(That reminds me of a joke I have to tell you. I can’t take credit for it but it’s the kind of joke I could’ve made up if only I’d thought of it. So here it is. I kept wondering why the ball was getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.)

Anyway, back to the topic. What was it? Oh yeah, a city named for cars.

I live in Durham, NC. About 20 miles away there’s a town — actually it’s almost as big as Durham, so really it’s a city — called Cary (pronounced like the girl’s name Carrie, you know, like that chick who went all postal when her classmates dumped pig blood on her and she was making knives zing through the air and everyone’s bodies and then her hand reached out of the grave and aw… just rent the thing, okay?). I never thought of it till now. Maybe when it started, it was named for cars. (It’s a pretty new city so that IS possible.) I mean, it’s a really well-off place. Nice and pretty. They don’t even have power poles and wires all over the place because they put them all underground. So I figure the average family there probably has three or four cars.

Ta dah!! Cary.

So now we have Truckee. We have Cary. What’s next — Vanny, Bussy, Hybridee, Hatchbackee, Trainee, Planey? Hey, there is a Plano, Texas, isn’t there?

Anyway, here’s what Dr. Crankenfuss is doing for the next few hours. Dr. Crankenfuss is gettin’ his butt over to GoDaddy and — if my Mom sees the genius of this idea — registering the names of every town he can think of that comes from a kind of transportation. Okay, I’m not going for Tricyclee, but there’s lots of possibilities. And when someone wants to start a new city with that idea, they’ll have to come to you-know-who so they can have a city website.

Wish me luck on convincing my mom? She’s not always so keen on my perfecto plans.

Anyone feel like moving to Hatchbackee? That’s my favorite so far.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Freak Speak

Twinkies are going extinct? Oh, no! But Google Glass is even better!

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Humor Post #80 from the world’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School Blog (and probably the awesomest YA blog too) –

I’ve discovered something really cool. Well, I didn’t discover it exactly. My mom showed me an article and it got me all happy and excited about the future. See, times are bad in general. There’s war somewhere, people are starving somewhere — I’m pretty sure of it — and some guy is eating someone else’s face, probably in Miami. And to make everything worse, the Hostess Company, maker of Twinkies, everyone’s favorite health food snack, is going belly up. What you see below is what was on the Today Show just a few days ago.

TODAY | Aired on November 19, 2012
Twinkie-maker heads to bankruptcy hearing—
Hostess, maker of the iconic Twinkie cake, will have a hearing before a bankruptcy judge on Monday to begin the work of shutting down and selling off its assets. Meanwhile, many loyal customers are rushing to snatch up what may be the last of its products. NBC’s Mara Schiavocampo reports.

Woe to the world! What is everyone going to do when they get hungry? I mean, there’s hardly any other sweet snacks out there to choose from. Without Twinkies, I think life might lose its meaning.

Anyway, that’s what I was thinking till my mom told me about Google Glass. It’ll be out within two years and I can’t wait. Well, maybe I can. What choice do I have? But to have a whole computer sitting on your head has to be like the slamtastickest thing to come around in a while. No, it doesn’t look that stupid. Check out the link below.

http://pogue.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/09/13/google-glass-and-the-future-of-technology/

See, you wear it like a super-thin pair of clear sunglasses. Actually, it’s more like a hair band pulled over your eyebrows, but it will have a phone, a teeny screen that somehow looks like a big one to your eyes, voice recognition, kind of a Siri thing happening, access to the internet, and make up that will make you irresistible to anyone you’re interested in. Well, maybe I made that last part up, but anything’s possible with this thing. I couldn’t understand half the article, but I did figure out this could be the greatest invention since video games. You wear this thing in class and every answer in the world is at your eye tips. I could probably get my doctor to say I have to wear them because of my ADD or something and the teacher would have to let me use them. Can you say, “playing video games during class”? YES!!

So that’s my GOOD NEWS FOR THE DAY! (I put that in capitals cause I’m kinda known for being a downer so this is a big change. At least for today.)

So keep on the lookout for Google Glass and stock up on those Twinkies.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Freak Speak

Man dies from eating cockroaches? That’s just like Daniel’s Freaky Dude Book! Really!

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Humor Post #79 from the world’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School Blog (and probably the awesomest YA blog too) –

This is a sad story I’m about to tell: A man ate too many cockroaches and worms and he died. It’s true, I swear. You can read about it right here. It happened in the last day or two. According to the story, those who met this guy considered him to be “the life of the party.” Life of the party? What kind of party would that be? Just the kind of party you ladies out there would like to go to, no?

Anyway, I guess it’s sad and all that this dude died, but how many days could he have had left on this Earth with an attitude like that? I mean, can anyone honestly say, “Oh, it’s so sad he died. He had so much to live for.”? Like what — the gator wrestling contest he had lined up for next week?

But what’s really ironic is that Daniel’s first book for Freaky Dude Books — that would be Daniel Berenson’s STORIES GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU SICK — has as its first story the adventure of a guy who has to eat a two-inch cockroach. Live! Does he end up like the guy in the article above? Well, you can actually find out since Apple published the whole story at the iBookstore if you look up that title there. Amazon was a bit “cheaper” cause they only give you about 2/3 of the story for free. But if you want to see how life imitates art, you can check out the book at the iBookstore or at Amazon by clicking here.

In the meantime, you might want to follow one of Dr. Crankenfuss’s main pieces of advice: Don’t eat anything that will kill you.

As always, just trying to help.
From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

P.S. There’s this site about people who do dumb things like this. It’s called The Darwin Awards. OMG!! I just checked it out again to be sure I had the right address and just watched this idiot make himself fall down an elevator shaft. He just missed getting on the elevator and the doors closed too soon. He rams his wheelchair into the doors a couple times, busts through, and falls to his death. Sick, sick, sick. That’s me I’m talking about. I feel like I just ate a cockroach.