March | 2012 | Freaky Dude Books

Humor Post #43 from the world’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School Blog (and probably the awesomest YA blog too) –

You thought I was done turning sports rules upside down? Hey, I’m just getting started. I mean, pro baseball just expanded their playoffs. That’s rule changing, isn’t it? And they want the new round of playoffs to be ONE GAME. Remember, baseball isn’t like football or basketball where you have the same team every game. In baseball, the main ingredient changes every game. And that would be the pitcher. A baseball team changes from a Monday to a Tuesday like a cake changes to a pie. Both have most of the same stuff, but boy, they don’t look or taste the same. Not that I’m talking about tasting a baseball team, but you get the picture. Anyway, what I’m saying is that this first round should be best two out of three. That would at least test the main part of both teams’ starting pitching staff.

But here’s the rule I really want to change in baseball: THE INTENTIONAL BASE ON BALLS. I want it banned, banished, killed, have the big kabosh put on it. It’s way worse than the “Hack a Hulk” intentional fouls I talked about in my last post. At least there the player has a chance to make two points. In baseball, he just gets to first base with no chance to make even a double.

Let’s use Barry Bonds as an example. Now I was about three years old when he was blasting just about everything out of the park. But everyone knows about him. And in 2004 — I looked this up — he was at bat 617 times and walked 232 times. That’s over 1/3 of the time! Now “only” 120 of these walks were listed as “intentional,” but come on. You know what happened. Most pitchers who did take the chance of facing ol’ Barry probably gave him nothing to really hit and he ended up getting an “unintentional” walk.

And just to stick this amazing fact in, Albert Pujols of the St. Louis Cardinals was given an intentional walk in the World Series WITH NO ONE ON BASE. The Texas Rangers were so afraid of what Albert could do them they didn’t even give him the chance to bat WITH NOBODY ON BASE. Oh, am I repeating myself? repeating myself? Well, that’s because it’s unbelievable to me that the whole sport wouldn’t let all their paying customers get to see what they buy their tickets to see. Let’s see, wouldn’t that be one team’s pitcher trying to get out the other team’s best hitter?

So I don’t know what else to say about it. I guess we could let football teams let the other team’s best runner get a free three yards every time he touches the ball. As soon as that guy got handed the ball, the game could be stopped and the runner’s team would get a free three yards.

I can’t figure out how you could work that “intentional walk” or “Hack the Hulk” in hockey. Makes me want to get more into hockey.

Now I’ll shut up. Let’s just get rid of the intentional walk in baseball so the fans get to see hitters hit.

From your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Humor Post #42 from the world’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School Blog (and probably the awesomest YA blog too) –

As I’ve said many times here before, I like sports. Watching them at least. I’m not the greatest in them but I’m never the last one taken in a game so I guess that’s better than nothing. But that doesn’t mean that sports are perfect. After all, they were invented by humans so we know there’s always room for improvement, don’t we? And who better to improve some of our favorite pastimes than yours truly, the old Crankmeister.

“What are you talking about, Mr. Crankenfuss?” you ask with all the proper respect owed me. Well, I’ll tell you. I was watching the Orlando Magic play the other night and they were about six or seven points ahead. So the other team — right now I can’t even remember who it was — starts fouling Dwight Howard, Orlando’s star. Why? Because Howard can’t shoot foul shots worth a flip, that’s why. And sure enough, he was clanking them all over the place. So I began thinking, “Ya know, it’s not fair that Dwight has to shoot those foul shots. He doesn’t have to shoot a regular shot unless he wants to. Why should he have to shoot foul shots if he doesn’t want to?” And it means that a team behind Orlando can always foul ol’ Dwight whenever they want to. So why can’t Orlando decline the penalty? That’s right, why can’t Orlando say, “Yeah, we know you fouled our guy, but we’d rather take the ball out of bounds instead.”

THAT’S WHAT THEY DO IN FOOTBALL!!

Yep, that’s right. For those of you totally out of the loop, in football you don’t have to accept a penalty. You can say, “Thanks, but no thanks.” At least to some of them. So why can’t you do that in all the sports. When your opponent does something against the rules, why can’t you say, “That’s all right, bro’. No problem here. Let’s just keep playing.”

Case in point: You’re ahead by three points in a basketball game and the other team’s got the ball. There’s ten seconds left. You don’t want them to try a three-pointer. If they make it, the game’s tied. So you foul them, they make one or two foul shots, you get the ball back and win the game. That’s not right, people. The other team should have the choice of declining the foul shots so they have a chance to hit that three-pointer. By “breaking the rules” (fouling the other team), your team gets rewarded.

So I say let the teams or players decide if they accept any penalties.

Just my two cents worth. (Or less.)

from your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss