Tag Archives: blog post

Which Names are Hot and Which Are Not?

January 8, 2012 crankenfuss Leave a comment

Humor Post #28 from Middle School’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Blog (and probably the awesomest YA blog too) –

El Cranko has been on the move again. You know, you can’t keep a good Crank down. Or is it up? Aw, who cares? What matters is that I have something good for you. See, I was noticing some of the cool names the people in my classes have and I decided to do some research. I looked up the most popular names from a hundred years ago and the most popular names today. OMG! I’m surprised some people left their houses back then. Seems like they would’ve been laughed out of their schools. But maybe I’m looking at it all wrong. ‘Cause some of those names are still popular. So I put together this quiz for you. You can either write down your answers or you can print out the test and circle them. (Sorry, I don’t know enough code to make an online test.) Be honest now. Write down what you think. Then at the bottom of the test, I’ll put a link that’ll take you to the answers. (Hey, I do know that much code.) So here goes. (You’ll notice I gave the test an appropriate title.)

DR. CRANKENFUSS’S AWESOME NAME GAME

Important Warning: Some of these have more than one answer
so you have to get all answers right to get credit.

1. Which of these names was in the top 100 names in 1910?
A. Samantha B. Brandon C. Gertrude

2. Which of these names was in the top 100 names in 2010?
A. Viola B. Ashley C. Elmer

3. Which of these names was in the top 100 names in both 1910 and 2010?
A. Emma B. Alexis C. Kesha

4. Which of these names was in the top 10 boys’ names in 2010?
A. Andrew B. Ethan C. Joshua

5. Which of these names was in the top 10 girls’ names in 2010?
A. Abigail B. Hannah C. Olivia

Think you did well? Click here to find out.

So there you go. Don’t you feel smarter and cooler than you were a few minutes ago? Sure you do. Thanks to yours truly, middle school’s awesomest blogger (even though the guy can get in sort of a snit sometimes),

Dr. Crankenfuss

Freak Speak, Uncategorized

If I had a dime for every time I had a great idea…

January 7, 2012 crankenfuss Leave a comment

Humor Post #27 from Middle School’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Blog (and probably the awesomest YA blog too) –

So here’s something I pulled off on my mom this morning and I bet you could do the same. It made a lot of sense. (Of course it would, coming from you-know-who.) So my mom says something like, “Crankenfuss, if I had a dime for every time I told you to clean your room, I’d be rich.” So I decided to deliver one of my special-delivery zingers. “And Mom,” I said, “if I had a dime for every time I kept my room dirty, I’d be just as rich or even richer.”

No, she was not pleased with that answer. In fact, she made me stay inside till I had cleaned over half my room. But it was worth it because I was helping to educate her. See, that’s just a silly thing to say. First off, she’s not going to get a dime for having told me anything, much less get a bunch of dimes for having told me a bunch of times. And why be so cheap with your wishes? Why not say, “If I had a million dollars for every time I asked you to clean your room…”? That way, she’s at least wishing for something really worth something. If you’re going to wish for something, shoot for the stars, that’s what I say.

Also it might work better if she said something like, “If I had a heart attack for every time I asked you to clean your room, I’d be dead. And then you’d be sorry.” Now that would have a chance of working on me because I don’t want to be in any way responsible for hurting my mom. But guilt-tripping your son like that would be pretty mean, wouldn’t it? Maybe I could try it on her though. “Mom, if I get killed from one of these grody asparagus spears stabbing me in the heart after I swallowed it, boy, then you’d be sorry. I mean, they don’t call them ‘spears’ for nothing.” Hoo boy, can’t wait to try that one. I’m sure she’ll say, “Oh, Crankenfuss, I never thought of it that way. Here, have some cake and ice cream instead.” Yeah, that’s what will happen, I’m sure.

Anyway, just another awesome piece of analysis and advice from the internet’s best middle school blogger who provides so much to his readers.
Yes, that would be me, Dr. Crankenfuss

Freak Speak

Watch Out If Someone Says You Have Great Potential

January 4, 2012 crankenfuss Leave a comment

Humor Post #26 from Middle School’s Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Blog (and probably the awesomest YA blog too) –

Ooh, I just had the worst insult handed to me yesterday. That’s twice this year and we’ve only been back in school for two days! My English teacher was talking about this book we just started and she asked, “What did the author mean when she said blah-blah-blah?” So I raised my hand and said, “How are we supposed to know what the author meant? She didn’t tell us!” A couple people said, “Yeah, that’s right, Crankenfuss.” The teacher was NOT one of those people. (BTW, people don’t really call me Crankenfuss. I just thought it would make this post seem more literary.) Instead she looked at me, shook her head sadly, and said, “Crankenfuss, I don’t know why you insist on acting like this. You have such great potential, you know.”

Now in the past — how can something be both now and in the past? — I would have thought having great potential was a GOOD thing. Not anymore. Ms. ___ was obviously ticked off at me for being right. And what she said was meant as a putdown. So I have put 2 and 2 together and come up with 4, as is my usual tendency because I be so good in math, and now I’m ready to revise that famous and often-used saying. So here it is:

“You have so much potential” = “You ain’t worth squat right now, kid!”

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. If you don’t believe me, think about some superstar and see how many times you hear, “Oh, LeBron James has such potential!” Never or very close to never! Naw, people say, “That LeBron, he skyin’!” or “LeBron James is da bomb AND da bombardier!” Or if the person is kinda dorky and not rad cool hip hop like me, he might say, “Oh, LeBron James is a quite wonderful excellent basketball player.” No matter what they say, they don’t talk about his potential to be a good player.

So don’t go feeling so good about yourself if, for example, your guitar teacher tells your mom, “Oh, your son has so much potential. I think you should sign him up for 17 lessons a week to unleash that potential.” Hey, it’s not about you, Paco. The teacher is trying to get some big bucks from your mama, that’s all.

Just another platter of wisdom from your Brilliance Chef,
Dr. Crankenfuss