Tag Archives: Freaky Dude Books

So you think you’re smart? Try these.

Post #158 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

Today Dr. Crankenfuss is going to give you a test to see how well informed you are. All these questions and answers came from TIME MAGAZINE’s “The Answers Issue” (July 6-13). So if you got a problem with one of them, call TIME, okay? Anyway, try them out and when you’re done, I’ll give you a link to the answers. No cheatin’ now. (Dudes, I know some of you will.)

After you’re done and you know the answers, you can show off in front of your friends when they miss most of them.

THE “HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW” TEST
1. Which of the following animals kills the most humans a year?
A. snails
B. sharks
C. crocodiles
D. snakes

2. How many U.S. states have the death penalty?
A. 12
B. 20
C. 31
D. 38

3. What percent of American kids go to schools that give them a laptop or tablet?
A. 6%
B. 16%
C. 27%
D. 38%

4. There’s only one state that bans alcohol sales on Sundays? Which one is it?
A. Indiana
B. Kentucky
C. Rhode Island
D. Idaho

5. What percent of the top selling songs (The Billboard Top 100) in the U.S. have to do with romance or sex?
A. 60%
B. 70%
C. 80%
D. 90%

6. Which country, on average, has the fastest Internet?
A. Finland
B. U.S.A.
C. South Korea
D. Japan

7. Which state has the highest rate of snake bites?
A. Florida
B. Louisiana
C. North Carolina
D. Texas

8. Which of these professions has the highest average yearly income?
A. pharmacists
B. financial planners
C. university professors
D. optomotrists

9. What percent of people who went to college say they cheated while in college?
A. 26%
B. 40%
C. 62%
D. 82%

10.How deep in debt is the U.S. government? (In other words, how much does our oountry owe?)
A. $500 million
B. $100 billion
C. $950 billion
D. $18 trillion

So, how’d you do? You don’t have a clue, do you? Well, go to this page for the answers.

And thanks for taking my test (even though, like I said, I just got the items from TIME MAGAZINE).


From the Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

It’s easier to read Spanish than it is to read Shakespeare! Here’s the proof.

Post #157 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

Okay, our English class in in the middle of reading HAMLET. It’s by William Shakespeare, of course, and our teacher says HAMLET is generally considered to be the greatest work of literature in the English language.

Say wha-a-a-a-!!

Shouldn’t the greatest work of literature at least be understandable? And I’m not talking about for kids like me; I’m talking about for adults. I’ll show you what I’m talking about in a minute. Get your brain ready for some torture. In the meantime, I’ve written this little story for you. It will look kind of foreign, but do your best to figure out its main storyline.

Here it is. Don’t give up. Give it a couple of minutes.

Un elefante es un animal interesante y differente. Es fabuloso, pero LOCO. Un elefante conduce su carro como un maníaco, rápido y furioso. Pero este elefante es estúpido. Sufre un accidente, un accidente terrible. El carro es destruido, pero el elefante está bien. ¡Qué afortunado es este elefante!

Yes, I know it’s in a foreign language. It’s Spanish! But I bet you can still understand most of it even though IT’S NOT IN ENGLISH! If I tell you that the word “pero” means “but,” you might get almost every bit of it.

Here’s the exact translation:
An elephant is an interesting and different animal. It is fabulous, but CRAZY. An elephant is driving his car like a maniac, fast and furious. But this elephant is stupid. He suffers an accident, a terrible accident. The car is destroyed, but the elephant is okay. How fortunate is this elephant!

How’d you do? Pretty well, I bet, and remember you’re reading it in SPANISH.

Now try this passage from HAMLET. (It’s much longer, but hey it’s in ENGLISH – right? — so it shouldn’t be that bad. I’ll give you the setup: Hamlet has been kind of flirting with Ophelia, so here’s his advice to her. See how much you can figure out about what he’s saying. And please don’t give up. Remember, it IS in English!

For nature, crescent, does not grow alone
In thews and bulk, but, as this temple waxes,
The inward service of the mind and soul
Grows wide withal. Perhaps he loves you now,
And now no soil nor cautel doth besmirch
The virtue of his will, but you must fear.
His greatness weighed, his will is not his own,
For he himself is subject to his birth.
He may not, as unvalued persons do,
Carve for himself, for on his choice depends
The safety and health of this whole state.
And therefore must his choice be circumscribed
Unto the voice and yielding of that body
Whereof he is the head…

(If this isn’t enough for you, Laertes explains himself further, 20 more lines worth, with quite easily understood language like this:)

…Then if he says he loves you,
It fits your wisdom so far to believe it
As he in his particular act and place
May give his saying deed, which is no further
Than the main voice of Denmark goes withal.
Then weigh what loss your honor may sustain
If with too credent ear you list his songs,
Or lose your heart, or your chaste treasure open
To his unmastered importunity.
Fear it, Ophelia. Fear it, my dear sister,
And keep you in the rear of your affection,
Out of the shot and danger of desire.
The chariest maid is prodigal enough
If she unmask her beauty to the moon.
Virtue itself ’scapes not calumnious strokes.
The canker galls the infants of the spring
Too oft before their buttons be disclosed.
And in the morn and liquid dew of youth,
Contagious blastments are most imminent.
Be wary, then. Best safety lies in fear.
Youth to itself rebels, though none else near.

So???? How much of that did you get? I’ll give you the essential summary:
MAYBE HE LOVES YOU NOW, BUT BE CAREFUL, OPHELIA.

That’s about the sum of it. And yes, our teacher told us that “his will is not his own” means he’s going to be the King of Denmark so whatever decision he makes will affect the whole country, and a bunch of other stuff, but I didn’t get any of her extra explanations from reading it, only from her telling us. And even now, I can’t really explain like 80 or 90% of it.

Honestly, how much did YOU get? Hey, I bet you didn’t even read it all!! Too hard, wasn’t it? Which automatically makes it boring after a minute or two (for most of us anyway).

SO WHAT I’VE PROVEN TODAY IS THAT IT’S EASIER TO READ IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE THAN IT IS TO READ SOME OF THE STUFF THEY’RE GIVING MIDDLE SCHOOLERS NOWADAYS.

HELP!!

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
To whom disaster does befall
When he hears Shakespeare’s call,
Dr. Crankenfuss

A Simple Spanish Vocabulary Test! Yeah, right!!

Post #158 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

So here’a a challenge you should be able to meet. I take Spanish and let me tell you, it can get HARD!! I mean, I don’t know how Mexicans and Spanish people (and all the people in all those Latino countries) even learn it. They must be geniuses! There are all these rules and stuff and they usually don’t say anything the way we do.

BUT, there are a bunch of Spanish words that DO sound almost like they do in English. Those are the ones our teacher — Señorita Mills — taught us first. I think she was trying to get us all confident like Spanish was going to be cinchy, ya’ know. Then she wiped us out with the other 100,00 words or so. (Well, not all at once. We still about 99,800 to go.)

Here’s what I’m talking about:
In Spanish they have a word superior. It’s pronounced (kind of) soo-peh-ree-OR. And it means — get ready for this — superior in English.
Hey, how easy is that??
So here’s a few more. (I’ll always give the Spanish word first.)
absurdo means absurd.
barbero means barber.
cámera means camera.
fabuloso means fabulous.
famoso means famous.

So, are all you dudes out there ready for a simple Spanish vocabulary test? I’ll give you the Spanish word and you pick the right answer. But I’ve put in a few tricky ones so don’t go thinking all of these are pieces of cake, okay? (And when you’re through, go to the bottom of the post to see how you did? I DON’T think most of you will get a 100. But some of you might. If you do, you’re way smarter than I was.)



A SIMPLE SPANISH VOCABULARY TEST

Directions: Look at the Spanish word AT THE LEFT. Pick the word you think it means in English — A, B, C, or D. If you’re really honest, you might write down your answers, so you can’t pretend you never gave that answer. (You know what I’m talking about!) The real answers are at the very bottom. If you feel like it, write me and tell me how you did.)

1. natural      a) nasty      b) needy      c) natural      d) knot

2. secreto      a) secret      b) sexy      c) scrub      d) see

3. desnudo      a) decent      b) dangerous      c) nuthead      d) naked

4. gracioso      a) thank you      b) gracious      c) funny      d) grody

5. embarazada      a) pregnant      b) embarrassed      c) barricade      d) foolish

6. arena      a) sand      b) stadium      c)rain      d) elephant

7. bombero      a) bony      b) a terrorist      c) a fireman      d) a swimmer

8. éxito      a) exist      b) exit      c) a beanbag      d) success

9. correcto      a) corny      b) correct      c) corridor      d) technical

10. la ropa      a) to rap      b) clothing      c) the rope      d) the champion


Now do you want to see how you did? To see how much talent you really have in Spanish? Well, click here to go to the Answer Page.

Then you can come back and see why you did so wonderfully (or not).

And thanks for taking my Spanish Quiz. It’s a lot easier giving them than taking them!

See you soon,
but not in my Spanish class
’cause I’m always hiding in the last row,
Your Dude con la actitud,
El Doctor Crankenfuss

Speliing Duzn’t Mattr

Post #156 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

All of you know about the National Spelling Bee. You know, where dorky kids who are way up there in the brains department spell words you’ve never even heard of, much less know how to spell. Over and over. Kind of scary smart, but it still makes you sick. Well, Dr. Crankenfuss is here to tell you that being a great speller ain’t so great after all. Take this challenge and you’ll see why “Speliing Duzn’t Mattr.”

So here’s the test. And it’s one that will make you feel good about yourself. Get out a stopwatch or some timing device and see how fast you can read the next paragraph — which I’ve put in CAPITAL BLUE LETTERS — as fast as you can. When you first see it, you’ll think it’s really hard. BUT IT WON’T BE. After you’re done, post your time. You’ll see how right I am in my title.

 IH YAM HIER TWO TEL U AH TROOTH YU PRBELBY HAF KNOT THUOGT UV BEEFOR. SPELING IZ NUT TAHT INPERTANT. YESC, EVRIBUDY TELZ U ET IZ — YUR TEECHARS, YUR PERANTS, EVIN U PRALBLY BELEEV ET. BT YU KAN REED THEZ PRTTY FST EVUN THO EVRY WURD IZ RONG. OW EZ THEZ POSBL? BEKUZ YUR BRANE WURKS BETR THN U THOGHT.

So how long did it take you? An hour?? Dude, that is NOT GOOD! Now c’mon, be honest, you had to do better than that. Anyway, next time someone gets after you for your bad spelling (like I do with people sometimes), tell those people like me, “Lay off, Bobo. You can understand this just fine.” It might just shut us up.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Who thinks kids should never fail
Just because they can’t spell,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Scientists agree — the Crank is #1. The Mars One Mission is dead and done.

Post #155 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

Oh, Dr. Crankenfuss may only be in middle school, but when he speaks, scientists listen. You don’t believe me? Well, check out my blog post from February 20. In there I carefully and wisely analyzed the chances for people to get to Mars by 2024 on the Mars One mission that 200,000 people signed up for. (But only 24 will go in the end. THEIR END!) Near the end of the post I said, “But I don’t really think this thing will ever take off. It just kind of sounds too crazy to be real. Or even if it IS real, it still sounds too crazy.”

So yesterday (March 3) I find this article where Neil deGrasse Tyson, a super-famous astronomer, who used to be on Cosmos and now does StarTalkTV for National Geographic (which sounds good though I haven’t seen it yet) and other scientists tell how wacky the plans for Mars One are. Now most of their arguments are about the scientific part of the mission, but they definitely used one or two of my ideas. (They didn’t, however, bring up the “Attack of the Alien Zombies” danger I was brilliant enough to invent realize.)

What matters though is that I wrote my post around two weeks ago and NOW the scientific community is coming around to my side. There’s little doubt that at least some of them got a whiff of a certain cranky curmudgeon’s blog that always speaks the truth, whether people want to hear it or not. So say what you will, THE DOCTOR IS VALIDATED. I bet some of those scientists might end up being big fans of my site. And the next thing you know, I’ll have my own show on the National Geographic Channel. Maybe something like “Crankenfuss Gets Creative.” That would give me lots of room to maneuver, you see.

Ah, it feels good to be right. Of course that’s not a new feeling for me. It still feels good though.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss