Tag Archives: Freaky Dude Books

To all Sports Fans: What works better — Prayer or Superstition?

Post #154 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

I can picture the response to the question in the title. All sorts of trolls and haters are going to accuse me of going against God or something like that. WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! Hey, I pray too. I’m just trying to figure this out and nobody can really tell me what’s what so maybe you can.

Here’s the scene: The big game is coming up. Your team is playing. You want them to win real, real bad and so do your friends. What will help your team more: praying for them, or putting on a certain sweater or sitting in a certain seat or turning off the TV when your team gets behind because you think you have a jinx on them?

Now I know a bunch of you are going, “You idiot! Of course, prayer is better! God’s stronger than any superstition!”

Fine! But if that’s true, why do so many of you — and I put the emphasis on MANY — go through all those superstitious things. Like lucky numbers for winning the lottery? How often does that work? (Then again, how often does prayer work when it comes to winning the lottery?)

I mean I know why people pray. And I know who they’re praying to and who might grant their wish. BUT WHO’S THE TARGET OF SUPERSTITION? When you don’t walk under a ladder or you worry when a full moon’s coming up or you don’t step on a crack so your grandmother’s back stays healthy or you wear those unwashed-for-three-weeks-cause-your-team-is-still-winning socks, WHO’S THE “GUY (OR GAL) IN CHARGE” IN THOSE SITUATIONS? If your lucky underwear helps your team win, WHY DID THAT WORK? And if that didn’t work, how do people figure out which superstition WILL work?

Think about it. If you know how luck really works, you are going to be very rich… or happy… or successful… or at peace… or at least something you want to be. And if you don’t think it really works, then why do you do it?

Hey, I’m no genius — and I’m sure you all would agree with that — but don’t people see how superstition seems kind of silly? So why is it so strongly followed in so many things?

Yeah, I know I’m repeating myself, but I really would like some answers.

Good ones, okay?

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
a guy looking for answers
where other people don’t even see a question,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Being famous isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be

Post #153 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

In my last post I told you that lots of people wanted to go to Mars on the Mars One project so they’d be famous and they’d be helping the world create a better future. Sounds kind of cool, doesn’t it? Well here’s an example where accomplishing the same results wouldn’t be so hot.

How’d you like to be super famous all over the world and be on TV over and over and over for almost four months? Almost everybody would know your name and be talking about you. “What could be wrong with that?” you ask. Well, it didn’t turn out so well for Barney Clark.

The year was 1982. The guy on the left in this picture below was named Barney Clark and he was the first person in the world to have an artificial heart.
barney_clark_from_cedmagic (I found this picture at the cedmagic.com website.) It was a really big event for medicine. A human getting an artificial heart for the first time in history! He was hopefully going to get better and live a productive life. (He was 61 when the operation happened.) But things didn’t turn out that way for Barney Clark. Sure, he was famous, on TV all the time, and all that stuff, but the artificial heart didn’t work so well for him and there were all sorts of complications. In fact, Mr. Clark suffered badly during the experience.

Barney Clark lasted 112 days on that machine. He never got out of the hospital again. He died. It was a very sad story and I feel bad for that poor man. (My granddad told me that story after he read my last post. He had me look up the info on Wikipedia.)

To be fair, Mr. Clark didn’t have a whole bunch of choices. He had been sick for a long time and the artificial heart was probably his only chance. Also he didn’t ask to be famous, but that’s what happened.

But, like I said, when it comes to new untested science, couldn’t similar things happen to those people on that Mars One mission? They want to be famous. Well, they’ll get that. But the science will be mostly new. And untested. Unlike Barney Clark, Mars One astronauts DO have other choices. Like not signing up! Think about it, people!

Just trying to help, as usual.
From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

P.S. And please say a prayer for Mr. Barney Clark. It was not easy for him or his family.

Don’t bless me just because I sneeze/ Save it for when I really need it, please

Post #151 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

Okay, the other day I wrote a post about how “outdated” the idea of saying “Bless you” might be nowadays. I also promised you a possible poem about the subject. So I finally got my scrawny butt around to writing that poem.

Better late than ever, I say.

And yeah, I know you might say, “Better never than ever,” but I’m not talking to you, bub, so there!

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS
(‘CAUSE YOU MAY BE RUNNING OUT OF THEM)
by Dr. Crankenfuss
Every time I sneeze
It never, ever fails,
Someone says, “Bless you”
Like they’re coming to my rescue
To save me from some demon
That I don’t believe in.

People…
There ain’t no devils in me,
My heart’s fine, so chill.
To invoke religion for such small stuff
Seems like overkill.

Yeah, it makes me feel real good
To know that I am blessed,
But wouldn’t that wish be better
Before I took a test,
Or had a pain — like in my chest —
Before a cardiac arrest?

Instead of worrying about me
If I have a little sneeze,
How about blessing yourselves
If I just cut the cheese,
Or if I am fixing your dinner,
Or in similar emergencies?

I mean…
What happens when I cough?
Nothin’.
Or when I stub my toe?
Bupkis.
And I’m sure I don’t earn a blessing
If I have an itchy tuchus.

So all I’m really saying is
Blessings are like freedom.
I think I’d rather stock them up
For when I really need ’em.
So bless me when I’m in grave danger —
Like when I have a bad disease.
Don’t use up God’s precious energy
Just for a little sneeze.

Why do we say “God bless you” when you sneeze, but not when you cough?

Post #150 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

The other day I sneezed.

No, that’s not all that happened. Then my mom said, “Bless you.”

(Oh, keep reading. It’s gets better than this. Not by that much, I admit, but I think it will all end up pretty interesting.)

So I asked, “Why did you bless me just because I sneezed?” And she said, “Because, I don’t know, it’s a custom and anyway it’s a nice thing to say to show the other person you care, you know. Also, I didn’t bless you. That’s short for ‘God bless you.'”

“But you don’t ask God to bless me when I cough, do you?” I said.  “And that could be worse than a sneeze, say like I was starting to choke to death, right?”

“That’s true,” she said, “and I’m about to choke you right now if you don’t keep asking questions. You know what to do when you don’t know something, don’t you?” And she gave me one of her Don’t keep pushing me, Bub looks.

“Yes,” I answered meekly. She meant I was supposed to find out the answer myself. Which is harder than just having it told to you, but not that bad. So I went to my computer and typed “bless you sneeze” in the search bar and guess what came right up as the top two results. That’s right — Wikipedia — with the title “God bless you.” (It’s almost always Wikipedia, isn’t it?)

So Wikipedia says it started way back near Bible times, but in 590 Pope Gregory I commanded everyone to say “God bless you” after someone sneezed because there was a plague going around and sneezing was one of the first symptoms of the plague. So it made sense that a blessing from God might help you. And Wikipedia added that later on, people used to think when you sneezed, your soul would shoot out of your body and the devil could get a hold of it so “God bless you” was supposed to protect your soul.

Then I went to another favorite site of mine– Snopes.com — and looked up “God bless you” and there was a cool article with all the different theories about where people thought the expression started. The new thing I learned was that some people used to think your heart stopped when you sneezed — which isn’t really true — so the blessing was to help you recover. But then it also said in some societies, a sneeze was considered good luck so “Bless you” was kind of like “Thank you.”

Huh?

So let me get this straight. Someone sneezes on you and that’s good luck? And none of the other reasons for the blessing really make sense nowadays, do they, except for my mom’s original idea. It’s to bless you because you’re a little bit “sick.” But actually you could just have a piece of dust up your nose and I don’t know if you need a blessing for that. I mean it wouldn’t hurt, but we don’t get blessed for coughing, throwing up, running into a doorframe — hey, some of us aren’t that coordinated — or doing an arm fart, do we? And a good argument could be made in all those cases that you could use a little divine help, couldn’t it?

Isn’t it interesting how a custom that started hundreds of years ago for a good reason back then keeps on going and going even though we don’t really believe in the reasons for it now?

Well, I think it’s interesting! And in my next post, I might even write a poem about it.

So you keep on saying, “Bless you” when someone sneezes, but at least know why you’re doing it, okay?

From Dr. Crankenfuss,
Who had to look all this up.
So a little “thank you” might be in order, don’t you think?
You don’t?
Awww… please!

News is awful./ The world seems bleeped./ I’m usually cocky,/ But I’m feeling freaked.

Post #149 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

This is going to be one of those poetic posts, you know, where I express myself in verse. Kind of like Shakespeare but without the fame, fortune, or ability. But that never stopped me before. And the subject is like a Shakespeare tragedy. At least a lot of people are getting killed. Hamlet, put down that skull and listen to the doctor.

WHAT’S GOING ON SHOULDN’T BE
by Dr. Crankenfuss

I try to know what’s going on
And so I watch the news,
But what is happening lately
Gives me the deep dark blues.

I see Australian people held hostage,
Then a hundred kids in Pakistan are dead.
Our old pal Bill Cosby’s accused of rape.
The whole world’s been knocked on its head!

Lone wolves are stalking American streets,
Killers are escaping from jail,
I need to put on some body armor
Just to get our mail.

Seems no place is safe anymore,
But we’re supposed to forge ahead.
Not me. I’m playing it safe for now
Underneath my very own bed.

From your dude who’s trying to avoid disaster
By running into some nut carrying a Bushmaster,
Dr. Crankenfuss