Tag Archives: middle school

You want to create some world-class flack? Wear a cockroach on your back.

December 8, 2015 crankenfuss 1 Comment

Post #160 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping middle school blogger–

Yo, do I have something for you today! Are you the type — like I am — who craves attention, you know like you want people to notice you? Yeah, before I get some girl to like me, first I gotta get her to look at me, right? Well, I found this obviously designed-by-a-genius backpack that will get you all the attention you want. And then some. Of course, it may make a few people not want to be around you, but that’s the chance you take when you get all famous. I mean, everyone who’s famous has a lot of haters out there. Don’t worry about them. Just wear this thing around school or around the mall and watch people’s reaction to you.

I found this picture at dangerousminds.conm. Yeah, it looks dangerous and scary and cool and awesome at the same time.

Check out this bad boy at the left. Who’s not going to have their eyes “bug out” when they see this? And it actually works as a backpack. You get to put your books right in the middle of a cockroach’s guts. How awesome is that? Just think how many girls will come up to you and want to walk by your side as you strut down the hall to your goldfish breeding class (or whatever class you might be going to). Many will probably want to pet your “friend” and put their hands inside him. Teachers might even ban you from class and you then you can sue them for infringing on your first amendment rights — that’s freedom of speech for any of you out there behind in your constitutional law — and then you might get on TV because of your strong stand for student rights and from there you might end up with your own TV show and be like Judge Judy, deciding who’s right and wrong in cases where students sue each other or their schools.

And yes, like I said, some people might get grossed out by this beautiful work of art. So what? They’re still paying attention to you. And there will be some — girls included — who think you’re pretty cool for daring to wear such a unique fashion statement. Aren’t those the type of friends you want?

From a guy who’s waiting for his order to come,
From a guy who’s waiting for his place in the sun,
Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Freak Speak

SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW GRAMMAR?

December 2, 2015 crankenfuss Leave a comment

Post #159 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

Well, here’s another way to prove how smart you are. I kind of like these tests ’cause most people I know can’t get them all right and they start arguing with me about the answers. (And anyone who knows me knows I love to argue.) But the answers are RIGHT, I promise you. This time you’ll find out how much (or how little) you know about basic grammar and spelling. Now this ain’t — and yeah, I know “ain’t” ain’t a word – a test that will have stuff like whether you need to use who or whom. That’s really hard for anybody. Naw, these are concepts that anyone over eight or nine should know about. And that’s because your third or fourth grade teacher taught you these things.

See how you do. Get out a sheet of paper and number to 10. (Remember to start with 1, not 0.) Put your answers down and then go to the answer page I link to at the bottom. Be honest though. No fair changing your answers after you see you’ve missed half them. These are just some of the mistakes I see people making all the time in class or in blogs or even in news articles written by adults. the last one really annoys me ‘cause if these grown-up writers can’t get these easy things right, why should I believe them when they talk about the harder stuff?

You ready, Eddie?

SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW GRAMMAR?
TEST #1
Created by Dr. Crankenfuss

First off, dudes, notice how “grammar” is spelled. Did you know that? If you did, you’ll probably do just fine on this test. Now let’s get going.

1. _____________ the smartest, coolest dude in the universe.
a. Your
b. You’r
c. You’re
d. Dr. Crankenfuss is

2. Sam says, “I want some ice cream.”
Then his sister Hortensia says, “I want some _______.”
a. to
b. too
c. two

3. I’m on the swim team. I have ___________ hundreds of laps this summer.
a. swum
b. swimmed
c. swam

4. It is a true fact that there are ___________ men in the United States than women.
a. fewer
b. less
c. fewest

5. There are two brothers who live in the same house. The two __________ bikes were stolen from their garage.
a. boys
b. boy’s
c. boys’

6. Dr. Crankenfuss probably has written more blog posts _______ most of you.
a. than
b. then

7. ______________ went to the mall.
a. Him and I
b. Him and me
c. He and me
d. He and I
e. He and myself

8. I can’t drive the car because ______ battery is dead.
a. its
b. it’s
c. its’

9. It is _______ late to go to the movie theater since it’s past midnight.
a. to
b. too
c. two

10. They gave the award to my sister and _____________.
a. myself
b. I
c. me
d. to Dr. Crankenfuss, of course

Now that you’re done, look over your answers and then click here to find out how you did. Ooh, I can see your head swelling with excitement from here.

And be sure to write me and tell me how easy or hard these were for you. I tried this out on three friends and only one of them got a 100. And sure enough, the other two wanted to argue with me that I was wrong. BUT THEY’RE THE WRONG ONES!

Anyway, spread the word and thanks for your visit.

Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Freak Speak

A Simple Spanish Vocabulary Test! Yeah, right!!

May 5, 2015 crankenfuss Leave a comment

Post #158 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

So here’a a challenge you should be able to meet. I take Spanish and let me tell you, it can get HARD!! I mean, I don’t know how Mexicans and Spanish people (and all the people in all those Latino countries) even learn it. They must be geniuses! There are all these rules and stuff and they usually don’t say anything the way we do.

BUT, there are a bunch of Spanish words that DO sound almost like they do in English. Those are the ones our teacher — Señorita Mills — taught us first. I think she was trying to get us all confident like Spanish was going to be cinchy, ya’ know. Then she wiped us out with the other 100,00 words or so. (Well, not all at once. We still about 99,800 to go.)

Here’s what I’m talking about:
In Spanish they have a word superior. It’s pronounced (kind of) soo-peh-ree-OR. And it means — get ready for this — superior in English.
Hey, how easy is that??
So here’s a few more. (I’ll always give the Spanish word first.)
absurdo means absurd.
barbero means barber.
cámera means camera.
fabuloso means fabulous.
famoso means famous.

So, are all you dudes out there ready for a simple Spanish vocabulary test? I’ll give you the Spanish word and you pick the right answer. But I’ve put in a few tricky ones so don’t go thinking all of these are pieces of cake, okay? (And when you’re through, go to the bottom of the post to see how you did? I DON’T think most of you will get a 100. But some of you might. If you do, you’re way smarter than I was.)

A SIMPLE SPANISH VOCABULARY TEST
Directions: Look at the Spanish word AT THE LEFT. Pick the word you think it means in English — A, B, C, or D. If you’re really honest, you might write down your answers, so you can’t pretend you never gave that answer. (You know what I’m talking about!) The real answers are at the very bottom. If you feel like it, write me and tell me how you did.)

1. natural a) nasty b) needy c) natural d) knot

2. secreto a) secret b) sexy c) scrub d) see

3. desnudo a) decent b) dangerous c) nuthead d) naked

4. gracioso a) thank you b) gracious c) funny d) grody

5. embarazada a) pregnant b) embarrassed c) barricade d) foolish

6. arena a) sand b) stadium c)rain d) elephant

7. bombero a) bony b) a terrorist c) a fireman d) a swimmer

8. éxito a) exist b) exit c) a beanbag d) success

9. correcto a) corny b) correct c) corridor d) technical

10. la ropa a) to rap b) clothing c) the rope d) the champion

Now do you want to see how you did? To see how much talent you really have in Spanish? Well, click here to go to the Answer Page.

Then you can come back and see why you did so wonderfully (or not).

And thanks for taking my Spanish Quiz. It’s a lot easier giving them than taking them!

See you soon,
but not in my Spanish class
’cause I’m always hiding in the last row,
Your Dude con la actitud,
El Doctor Crankenfuss

Freak Speak

Don’t bless me just because I sneeze/ Save it for when I really need it, please

January 15, 2015 crankenfuss Leave a comment

Post #151 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

Okay, the other day I wrote a post about how “outdated” the idea of saying “Bless you” might be nowadays. I also promised you a possible poem about the subject. So I finally got my scrawny butt around to writing that poem.

Better late than ever, I say.

And yeah, I know you might say, “Better never than ever,” but I’m not talking to you, bub, so there!

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS
(‘CAUSE YOU MAY BE RUNNING OUT OF THEM)
by Dr. CrankenfussEvery time I sneeze
It never, ever fails,
Someone says, “Bless you”
Like they’re coming to my rescue
To save me from some demon
That I don’t believe in.

People…
There ain’t no devils in me,
My heart’s fine, so chill.
To invoke religion for such small stuff
Seems like overkill.

Yeah, it makes me feel real good
To know that I am blessed,
But wouldn’t that wish be better
Before I took a test,
Or had a pain — like in my chest —
Before a cardiac arrest?

Instead of worrying about me
If I have a little sneeze,
How about blessing yourselves
If I just cut the cheese,
Or if I am fixing your dinner,
Or in similar emergencies?

I mean…
What happens when I cough?
Nothin’.
Or when I stub my toe?
Bupkis.
And I’m sure I don’t earn a blessing
If I have an itchy tuchus.

So all I’m really saying is
Blessings are like freedom.
I think I’d rather stock them up
For when I really need ’em.
So bless me when I’m in grave danger —
Like when I have a bad disease.
Don’t use up God’s precious energy
Just for a little sneeze.

Freak Speak

Poetry schools give you ain’t no fun./Here’s the fix for everyone!

November 26, 2014 crankenfuss Leave a comment

Post #147 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

Okay, today I’m gonna give you a quiz and I don’t think you’ll pass it. Ready?

At school you might see some people carrying around The Hunger Games, right? Or some will have a Wimpy Kid book. (And yes, I know they’re easier.) But for the gajillion dollar prize, name a poetry book that you often see students carrying around or talking about.

Well… I’m waiting for you to say something.

You can’t think of one, can you?

Well, there’s one that might soon be the answer to that question.

Over 50 young poets tell their stories in verse, every poem illustrated, and all ready to be performed, either in front of an audience or on video. There’s no other book like it. Check out the intro and meet some of the poets at the VOICES page on this site. You can hit the VOICES button up top or click here to go to it. The book’s coming to Amazon, Apple, Kobo, and Nook on Tuesday, December 2.

Hey, you don’t have to take my word for it. Just check that page out and you’ll see. I mean this must be good, because I’m not even talking about myself today. I’m giving publicity to Daniel and he and I don’t always like to share the stage. Well, actually I don’t ever like to give it to him, but here he deserves it.

’nuff said. Get ready to become an actor.

From the Dude with the ‘Tude
Who’s now stepping back
To become a flak
For Daniel’s poetic smack.