Tag Archives: poetry

A Poem about Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton

February 27, 2016 daniel Leave a comment

Okay, readers. Here’s another contribution from me for the Freaky Dude Books blog. This one has a bad word or two in it, so all you small children who frequent this site, be aware that your minds get get warped a little. But it’s about Presidential politics, so why would you even be looking at it. You’d rather be playing video games or eating your Girl Scout Cookies, right?

ONCE MORE INTO THE ABYSS
© 2016 by Daniel Berenson

The last Republican debate was a sight,
It reminded me of school kids in a fight,
Three grown men yelling at the same time,
But nothing said ’bout poverty, poisoned water, or crime.

Mr. Cruz and Mr. Carson invoke the Almighty,
But Mr. Trump’s taunts got their undies uptighty,
With all Donald’s talents we should be awed,
In his own humble words, he’s ’bout equal to God.

The Republican party might be falling apart,
The establishment’s tried to stop him, but Trump’s been too smart,
He draws huge crowds, and though his plans aren’t complex,
His fans don’t care; it’s the image he projects.

On the Democratic side, they’re much more polite,
Mr. Sanders fights hard but he’ll never cite
Ms. Clinton’s private server; when asked, he just shrugs,
Not to mention Clinton’s outfits, which look like rugs.

Clinton’s image is a problem; most people don’t trust her,
If she gets elected, it won’t be just her,
Democrats won’t admit it, but they’re afraid
That’s she’s still covering up all the times Bill’s got laid.

And Ol’ Bernie? He’s leading a populist coup,
But his programs sound too good to be true,
Free health care and college and jobs for all?
Our taxes’ll be higher than Donald Trump’s wall!

But Congress will do nothing. Son of a bitch!
They’re driving our country right into a ditch,
Our infrastructure’s dying, cracked pipes pour out waste,
At work or school we get guns pushed in our face.

And the country’s in camps, left and right,
There’s no middle ground; it’s black or it’s white,
Compromise has become a dirty word,
A proposal from Obama? ’Pubs give him the bird.

So it seems the election will be Clinton vs. Trump,
Once again the sheeple be taken for chumps,
And whoever wins this coming November,
The country will be polarized more than ever.

Freak Speak

Don’t bless me just because I sneeze/ Save it for when I really need it, please

January 15, 2015 crankenfuss Leave a comment

Post #151 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

Okay, the other day I wrote a post about how “outdated” the idea of saying “Bless you” might be nowadays. I also promised you a possible poem about the subject. So I finally got my scrawny butt around to writing that poem.

Better late than ever, I say.

And yeah, I know you might say, “Better never than ever,” but I’m not talking to you, bub, so there!

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS
(‘CAUSE YOU MAY BE RUNNING OUT OF THEM)
by Dr. CrankenfussEvery time I sneeze
It never, ever fails,
Someone says, “Bless you”
Like they’re coming to my rescue
To save me from some demon
That I don’t believe in.

People…
There ain’t no devils in me,
My heart’s fine, so chill.
To invoke religion for such small stuff
Seems like overkill.

Yeah, it makes me feel real good
To know that I am blessed,
But wouldn’t that wish be better
Before I took a test,
Or had a pain — like in my chest —
Before a cardiac arrest?

Instead of worrying about me
If I have a little sneeze,
How about blessing yourselves
If I just cut the cheese,
Or if I am fixing your dinner,
Or in similar emergencies?

I mean…
What happens when I cough?
Nothin’.
Or when I stub my toe?
Bupkis.
And I’m sure I don’t earn a blessing
If I have an itchy tuchus.

So all I’m really saying is
Blessings are like freedom.
I think I’d rather stock them up
For when I really need ’em.
So bless me when I’m in grave danger —
Like when I have a bad disease.
Don’t use up God’s precious energy
Just for a little sneeze.

Freak Speak

Poetry schools give you ain’t no fun./Here’s the fix for everyone!

November 26, 2014 crankenfuss Leave a comment

Post #147 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

Okay, today I’m gonna give you a quiz and I don’t think you’ll pass it. Ready?

At school you might see some people carrying around The Hunger Games, right? Or some will have a Wimpy Kid book. (And yes, I know they’re easier.) But for the gajillion dollar prize, name a poetry book that you often see students carrying around or talking about.

Well… I’m waiting for you to say something.

You can’t think of one, can you?

Well, there’s one that might soon be the answer to that question.

Over 50 young poets tell their stories in verse, every poem illustrated, and all ready to be performed, either in front of an audience or on video. There’s no other book like it. Check out the intro and meet some of the poets at the VOICES page on this site. You can hit the VOICES button up top or click here to go to it. The book’s coming to Amazon, Apple, Kobo, and Nook on Tuesday, December 2.

Hey, you don’t have to take my word for it. Just check that page out and you’ll see. I mean this must be good, because I’m not even talking about myself today. I’m giving publicity to Daniel and he and I don’t always like to share the stage. Well, actually I don’t ever like to give it to him, but here he deserves it.

’nuff said. Get ready to become an actor.

From the Dude with the ‘Tude
Who’s now stepping back
To become a flak
For Daniel’s poetic smack.

Freak Speak

Vitamins and soaps are only for dopes/ But don’t go too far in raising your hopes

January 7, 2014 crankenfuss Leave a comment

Humor Post #130 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger –

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE FROM DR. CRANKENFUSS! I hope your year will be way less cranky than mine. Why would a first class party pooper say that? First off, I don’t want too many clones out there or else I won’t be so unique. Second off, crankiness really isn’t that much fun (though it IS necessary at times) so I hope you’re happy most of the time and that good things happen to you. But don’t forget to check in to this blog so you’ll see why YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN ANGRY OR ANNOYED at the bad doings out there.

See, that’s my job, you know. Well, actually I have 3 jobs. #1 is to make you mad at things that suck lemons, things that are like spinach between your teeth, things that should go back to the sewer they came from.

#2 is to give props to some people or things that really deserve them (besides me, of course).

And #3 is to make you laugh or at least smile.

So today I’m commenting about big news that came out a few weeks ago. I kind of said it in the title but here’s a headline I found from Morning Joe, and he has his own TV show and that means it must be important, right? And after that, I wrote a poem about the issue.

I promise you: YOU WON’T FIND A POEM LIKE THIS ANYWHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD!

THE ECSTASY AND THE AGONY
by Dr. Crankenfuss

A victory for us!
Kids, stay strong!
Adults once again
Have been proven wrong.

All I can say
Is thanks and amen.
I’ll never have to take
Another vitamin.

Docs say they don’t
Do anything
‘Cept make some stores’
Cash registers ring.

And that’s not all.
This is so dope!
There’s 3 strikes against
Anti-bacterial soap.

I wonder what’s next.
Nobody knows.
They’ll probably conclude
We don’t need clothes.

After that nutritionists
Will probably teach ya’
Nature’s perfect food
Is pepperoni pizza.

The world will be different:
We’ll all be nude,
We’ll never take baths,
But we’ll eat great food.

Sounds good so far
With lots of drama,
That is until
I see my naked mama!

It’ll be out of control!
Maybe we should begin
To take another look
At soap and vitamins.

********************

Not too shabby, eh?
And on top of that — well, underneath that really — there’s even some big news I have!
Within a few days, my first book will be published:
DR. CRANKENFUSS’S HUMOR BOOK FOR GUYS!!
More on that real soon.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Freak Speak

The Crankenfuss Puppet Has Arrived/ In 3 Weeks You’ll See Him Live

August 14, 2013 crankenfuss Leave a comment

Humor Post #123 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping Middle School blogger –

Hooray! Daniel’s ordered a puppet that I get to manipulate as I do some of my raps.

How cool is that?

As some of you know, we posted puppet raps for two of Daniel’s books. Here’s the one for LOVE THUG and here’s the one for STORIES GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU SICK. But Daniel’s not satisfied with just those. So he’s ordered some new puppets to help him do some raps. AND I GET TO GO FIRST. It’ll be about three weeks or so till we get it finished, but it’ll be awesome. In the meantime, here’s a photo of the new puppets with the most handsome one second from the right.

Here's our four puppets so far with the best looking guy second from the right. — Here’s our four puppets so far with the best looking guy second from the right.

Gotta go. Have to start working this little version of myself. This little dude is cool!

From Your Dude with a ‘Tude (and a new puppet),
Dr. Crankenfuss