Tag Archives: rap

Freak Speak

News is awful./ The world seems bleeped./ I’m usually cocky,/ But I’m feeling freaked.

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Post #149 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

This is going to be one of those poetic posts, you know, where I express myself in verse. Kind of like Shakespeare but without the fame, fortune, or ability. But that never stopped me before. And the subject is like a Shakespeare tragedy. At least a lot of people are getting killed. Hamlet, put down that skull and listen to the doctor.

WHAT’S GOING ON SHOULDN’T BE
by Dr. Crankenfuss

I try to know what’s going on
And so I watch the news,
But what is happening lately
Gives me the deep dark blues.

I see Australian people held hostage,
Then a hundred kids in Pakistan are dead.
Our old pal Bill Cosby’s accused of rape.
The whole world’s been knocked on its head!

Lone wolves are stalking American streets,
Killers are escaping from jail,
I need to put on some body armor
Just to get our mail.

Seems no place is safe anymore,
But we’re supposed to forge ahead.
Not me. I’m playing it safe for now
Underneath my very own bed.

From your dude who’s trying to avoid disaster
By running into some nut carrying a Bushmaster,
Dr. Crankenfuss

Freak Speak

Poetry schools give you ain’t no fun./Here’s the fix for everyone!

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Post #147 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping blogger–

Okay, today I’m gonna give you a quiz and I don’t think you’ll pass it. Ready?

At school you might see some people carrying around The Hunger Games, right? Or some will have a Wimpy Kid book. (And yes, I know they’re easier.) But for the gajillion dollar prize, name a poetry book that you often see students carrying around or talking about.

Well…  I’m waiting for you to say something.

You can’t think of one, can you?

Well, there’s one that might soon be the answer to that question.
VOICES: Poems for Performance

Over 50 young poets tell their stories in verse, every poem illustrated, and all ready to be performed, either in front of an audience or on video. There’s no other book like it. Check out the intro and meet some of the poets at the VOICES page on this site. You can hit the VOICES button up top or click here to go to it. The book’s coming to Amazon, Apple, Kobo, and Nook on Tuesday, December 2.

Hey, you don’t have to take my word for it. Just check that page out and you’ll see. I mean this must be good, because I’m not even talking about myself today. I’m giving publicity to Daniel and he and I don’t always like to share the stage. Well, actually I don’t ever like to give it to him, but here he deserves it.

’nuff said. Get ready to become an actor.

From the Dude with the ‘Tude
Who’s now stepping back
To become a flak
For Daniel’s poetic smack.

Freak Speak

My first video’s online/ And I have to admit it’s mighty fine

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Humor Post #125 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping Middle School blogger –

Hello to all from your new rap star Dr. Crankenfuss. Yep, that’s right. I have a new rap video online at YouTube at this page. The rap is around two minutes long and there’s under 150 words in all and I think I said a lot in that time/space. So check it out and then come back here for more news. (Oh, yeah. And hello to all you writers at Weekend Writing Warriors. That’s a very cool site for writers that you should check out.)

Hello again, all you rap fanatics out there. The video’s not too shabby, is it? I guess you could tell that wasn’t me exactly. It’s a Dr. Crankenfuss puppet but I’m okay with that. He’s pretty cool looking actually. I welcome any and all comments because I know they’ll be awesome. (At least I hope they are.) You can put your comments on the YouTube page or here on this page. Thanks for looking.

Daniel and me, we’re already working on our next video. It’s also based on one of my raps that I put up on this site a while back. You can look it up by typing “Why Can’t I Be a Hip Hop Star?” in the search box. We added music, changed the lyrics some, and I’ve been practicing my dancing so I won’t look like a total idiot. But like the rap says, my hopes ain’t too high on that.

Talk to you soon.

Your Rappin’ Dude with the ‘Tude (and now his own video),
Dr. Crankenfuss

Freak Speak

The Crankenfuss Puppet Has Arrived/ In 3 Weeks You’ll See Him Live

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Humor Post #123 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping Middle School blogger –

Hooray! Daniel’s ordered a puppet that I get to manipulate as I do some of my raps.

How cool is that?

As some of you know, we posted puppet raps for two of Daniel’s books. Here’s the one for LOVE THUG and here’s the one for STORIES GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU SICK. But Daniel’s not satisfied with just those. So he’s ordered some new puppets to help him do some raps. AND I GET TO GO FIRST. It’ll be about three weeks or so till we get it finished, but it’ll be awesome. In the meantime, here’s a photo of the new puppets with the most handsome one second from the right.

Here's our four puppets so far with the best looking guy second from the right.
Here’s our four puppets so far with the best looking guy second from the right.

Gotta go. Have to start working this little version of myself. This little dude is cool!

From Your Dude with a ‘Tude (and a new puppet),
Dr. Crankenfuss

Freak Speak

Want to Get Rich/ Without a Glitch?/ It’s a Matter of Which/ Wagon to Hitch

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Humor Post #122 from Dr. Crankenfuss, The World’s Awesomest Raving and Rapping Middle School blogger –

Today I’m not going to be honest! Yeah, you heard me. Mr. Straight Talker is going crooked. Here’s why.

I was thinking of some clever way to tell people how to get rich and put it in one of my crazy raps, you know? I was due for a good rap. But all I could think of was to work hard and do what you’re told and stuff like that. What’s the fun in telling people that? They can get that junk from their parents or their teachers. So I let my imagination go and this is what I came up with. I don’t really think it’s great advice, but it’s a great rap and that’s what really counts.

So anyway, here’s my poem.

HOW TO GET RICH (THE EASY WAY)
by Dr. Crankenfuss

Say, you got money on the brain?
Wanna make so much, you’ll go insane?
Parents try to steer you to medicine or law,
But those salaries don’t leave me in awe.
Their pay don’t come close to approachin’
The Benjamins earned in basketball coachin’.
Coach K takes in near 11 mill;
His kids’ path in life is hardly uphill.

But actors and athletes —
Their aim’s the same —
To entertain —
They make bigger bucks and they get uber fame.
But if you’re more private; don’t need the adulation,
Be the CEO of a big corporation.
Your take home pay will be hundreds of mills;
Makes it kinda easy to pay the light bill.

Want even more? (But this ain’t easy to fake.)
Move to Arabia. Become an oil sheik.

But even though all these plans are jivin’
They still take lots of work or connivin’.
I want something easier: coin without sweat;
Don’t want a long term nine-to-five permit.

So my plan to get everyone all hot on me?
Plunk my dollars down on the Powerball Lottery.
My chances ain’t great, but they’re probably better
Than all those schemes I’ve listed in this letter.
I’m not a hard worker and my grades usually suck
So I’m hitchin’ my wagon to Lady Luck.
So while you’re out there worryin’ ‘bout your next job placement,
I’ll be counting future winnings in my parents’ basement.

The End

See, it’s meant to be ironic. I don’t really believe you should count on winning the lottery to make a living. THAT’S DUMB! (That’s why I put in that last line.) My mom says the lottery is a tax on dumb people. I know what she means, but hey, somebody DOES win sometimes so they sure weren’t dumb.

Anyway, that’s all I got for you this time. Hope you liked the rhymes, at least. Maybe I could start a bunch of raps called Raps for Dumb People. (And don’t go telling me I’ve already done that!)

I’ll shut up now.

From Your Dude with a Screwy ‘Tude (but just for today, I hope),
Dr. Crankenfuss