Humor Post #104 from the world’s Awesomest & Crankiest Curmudgeon’s Middle School and YA Blog –

I been thinking about heads lately. Why? Cause someone at school called me a chowderhead. I couldn’t come up with anything clever to come back with so I went home and checked out all the -head insults. It’s a pretty pitiful selection from what I’ve been able to find. Here are some of the better known ones:
blockhead — bighead– bonehead — chucklehead — dumbhead — dunderhead — fathead — hardhead — knucklehead — lunkhead — pinhead — meathead — airhead — egghead

Then of course there are all the ones that have a body part in front of the word head. And I’m not talking about calling someone an armhead or a backhead. (Though there IS a forehead, isn’t there?) It’s usually an uglier or nastier body part than an arm or back. The only one I feel comfortable using here is butthead. I think you can come up with some others. But if you use them on your parents or teachers, don’t try to blame me!

But it seems to me like you can put just about anything in front of head, can’t you? Why was I able to find only a couple hundred “___head” words on official lists. I mean almost any animal will do as an insult. Try calling someone a platypus head and see if you don’t get a reaction. Or a penguin head. How about a woodpecker head (uh-oh, double meaning there). Even if you pick an animal most people like, put it in front of head and it doesn’t sound so nice, does it, poodlehead?

Anyway, someday I might have to compile The Book of Heads. I don’t think it’s been done yet. I could have zillions of cool insults and some very cool visuals, but also I could ask some questions that would really make people think.

For example,
*Why do we call someone a redhead when almost always their hair is kind of orange? But you never hear of an orangehead. Maybe that’s because when you spell it out, it looks like you’re saying that person looks like an orangutan.
**As long as we’re on redheads, why don’t you ever hear of a yellowhead or a brownhead or a blackhead? Well, that last one you do, but that’s not talking about hair, is it?
***Why is bonehead considered an insult? Would you prefer the alternative? Hey, gristlehead! Yeah, that sounds real nice. I mean, if you go into a crowded room and say, “Hey, bonehead,” shouldn’t everyone in the room say, “Yes?”
****And what about hardheaded? That means stubborn. But who wouldn’t want to be hardheaded? Would you rather be mooshyheaded?
*****If an egghead gets confused, does he become a scrambled egghead?
******Why isn’t beautifulhead a compliment?

Oh, this could be a very long book.

Well, I’m going to quit now. I’ve got so many ideas for The Book of Heads, my head is spinning. (There’s a totally new one — spinninghead.) Let me start getting a proposal together to submit to some publishers. I’m sure a couple of them will see the amazing possibilities here.

From Your Dude with the ‘Tude,
Dr. Crankenfuss